


TGNGC (The Gay Nerds Group Chat)

by fzywood



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: "are you sure about that", #exposedbymom, #lettheseboysbesoftpls, AY PAPI, Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Is Gay, Help, M/M, Memes, ONOMOTEAPIPA, RIP ohm, They all study in different parts of the west coast but mostly in California, also #stopthegayinmygoodchristiansuburbs, am i sorry?, and rlly old memes, bee movie - Freeform, bit of angst, do you crave that mineral???, everyone is less than 5 hrs from each other ??, group chat au, i know i do, i lvoe my sons being soft, idiots in luv, im sad, johns horny but when isnt he, kink(shaming) zone ahead, like mega gay, lui is a meme lord who needs to be stopped, mama brock strikes again, more than a bit of angst, no, omg john smokes weed?? who wouldve guessed???, ryan is 2 hot, ryan is a god, smitty is the next meme lord, soft bois, some vine references, stop??? being??? mean???, theres so many memes, they quote vines, this is sad, whyre you still reading these, you could drown in the amount of memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 54,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7792900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fzywood/pseuds/fzywood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a group chat with chaos, gay, and memes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**October 11th - 1:31pm**

 

**Jonny Boy added (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ty dye , Dad™ , Mom™ , Davey jones locker , Ratalui to "The Gay Nerds"**

 

 **Jonny Boy:** welcome to hell my hoes

 

 **(e)Vans:** i s2g if any of you make jokes w/ damn daniel i will throw u into the sun

 

 **Ty dye:** i would BUT ur strong as hELL,,, ur the buff god

 

 **Mom™:** true^^ but he also is nice as heck so ???

 

 **Mom™** **:** also how did I get appointed mom of this chat wtf

 

 **Jonny boy:** bc u r our actual mom

 

 **Lukewarm:** its 2 early what the hell are you guys even talking about??

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** we are...

 

 **Ratalui:** hoe dont do it

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** _the gay nerds_

 

 **Ratalui:** oh m y god

 

 **Jonny boy:** *inhales*

 

 **Jonny boy:** b

 

 **Jonny boy:** o

 

 **Jonny boy:** i

 

 **Dad™:** that was a lot less aggressive than what I was thinking ahahah

 

 **(e)Vans:** B O I

 

 **Davey jones locker:** Can you guys not do this s o early

 

 **Ty dye:** its 1 in the afternoon u weak fuck

 

 **Davey jones locker:** e x a c t l y

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** can i just say i lov e dogs theyre so pure and deserve the whole world like holy fuck give me one now

 

 **Ty dye:** u realize i have a dog that u can visit whenever,,, right?

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** NO IM COMING OVER RIGHGHT NOW I NEED TO PET KENO THE PRECIOUSS BABEY

 

 **Jonny boy:** aww,, my ship

 

 **(e)Vans:** craig x keno?

 

 **Jonny boy:** nO U IDIOT

 

 **(e)Vans:** NO UR THE IDIOT, IDIOT

 

 **Jonny boy:** NO U R

 

 **Mom™:** Evan & Jon. please calm yourselves. theres no need to bicker over this???

 

 **Dad™:** ^^listen to mom™

 

 **Ratalui:** ha :P you two got in trouble~

 

 **Lukewarm:** does anyone want an illegal hedgehog. ive got extras

 

 **Jonny boy:** fuck ye  s but how did you get one?

 

 **Lukewarm:** vanessa. bless her soul for smuggling them over for me.

 

 **Jonny boy:** when shodul i come over to pick my new baby up

 

 **Lukewarm:** whenver dude

 

 **Ratalui:** shodul

 

 **(e)Vans:** shodul

 

 **Ty dye:** shodul

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** shodul

 

 **Dad™:** shodul

 

 **Jonny boy:** PLEAS E SPARE ME. I JUST WANT A HEDGEHOG. 

 

 **Jonny boy:** also @ evan pls get one so they can be playmates

 

 **(e)Vans:** but ur 4 hrs away from me???

 

 **Jonny boy:** but we can play with them when we skyp e and usch and mayb ewe'll see ach toher soon idk

 

 **(e)Vans:** they are pretty cute so sure,,, ill meet up w/ u lukey 

 

 **Ty dye:** craig actually arrived at my hou s e

 

_Ty dye has sent a picture >>>_

 

 **Davey jones locker:** you two are so cute i will cry

 

 **Ratalui:** if he does i can catch it on camera

 

 **Davey jones locker:** YOU ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH PICTURES OF ME JE R K

 

 **Ratalui:** need as much blackmail material as i ca n get my dude

 

 **Jonny boy:** also!! did u guys realize,,,

 

 **Jonny boy:** h a l l o w e e n is soon

 

 **(e)Vans:** fu c k YES I CANNOT Wait

 

 **Lukewarm:** it gonna be spook af

 

 **Jonny boy:** u knw who else was spooked by how good i was in bed

 

 **Jonny boy:** UUR MOM

 

 **Lukewarm:** u know i can keep all of these hedgehogs,,,,

 

 **Jonny boy:** no pls

 

 **(e)Vans:** ha 

 

 **Jonny boy:** u wanna ifhgt

 

 **(e)Vans:** LETS GO BOI

 

 **Ratalui:** anyone else digging the sexual tension or??? like damn its as thicc™ as spongebob

 

 **Jonny boy:** lets go buff boi i bet ur a fucking creampuff

 

_Ratalui has sent a picture >>>_

 

 **Mom™:** I cant believe at a time like this Lui still sends fucking memes

 

 **(e)Vans:** I WILL THROW U IN THE OCEAN WITH THE FISHES

 

 **Dad™:** well that's Lui for ya,,,,

 

 **(e)Vans:** WAIT THATS NOT RIGHT FUYC K

 

 **Dad™:** only one who can handle him 24/7 is David tbh

 

 **Mom™:** tru tru

 

 **Jonny boy:** HA U SUC K U LOSER ,, I JHAVE WON

 

 **(e)Vans:** NOT WITH THAT SPELLIN G YOU FUCKING ILLITERATE BOTTOM

 

 **Jonny boy:** JOKES ON YOU I KNOW IM A BOTTOM

 

 **(e)vans:** JOKES ON YOU BC 

 

 **(e)Vans:** JUST- JOKES ARE ON YOU OK END OF CONVERSATION

 

 

**October 11th - 7:53pm**

 

**Lukewarm --- Jonny Boy , (e)Vans , Craigo my eggo, Ty dye , Dad™ , Mom™ , Davey jones locker , Ratalui**

 

 **Lukewarm:** im gonna murder my professor how is someone such an idiot

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** RIP in pieces 

 

  **Jonny boy:** why dont u just murder them

 

 **Mom™:** JON YOU CANT GO AROUND MURDERING PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY TICK YOU OFF OR SOMETHING OHMYOGD

 

 **Jonny boy:** and thats why ur next on my list brock ;)))

 

 **Mom™:** Brian pls protect me

 

 **Dad™:** you think im going to fend you off from Jon??? fuck no he scary af 

 

 **Mom™:** i dont want to die so early DDD: what have i done to deserve this tbh

 

 **Ratalui:** i was going to say everything but ur so innocent tbh??? 

 

 **Ty dye:** Mom™ is Pure™

 

 **Ty dye:** unlik e dad

 

 **Dad™:** im offended bc i didnt even get a ™

 

 **Ty dye:** thats how much youve sinned

 

 **Jonny boy:** hey,, do you guys know where evan is???

 

 **Davey jones locker:** he was on not too long ago... he just needed to ask me a question abt english though then he said thanks and logged off.

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** did something happen or???

 

 **Jonny boy:** no.. we just usually facetime about now and i wasnt sure bc he wouldve told me if he wasnt feeling well or had something to do

 

 **Ratalui:** oh no,, my ship. 

 

 **Ratalui:** anyways im gonna log off for the night. i got a fuck ton of studying to do and not a lot of time left.

 

 **Davey jones locker:** gn lui!!

 

 **Lukewarm:** arent you two literally right near each other???

 

 **Davey jones locker:** yeah but who tf cares honestly

 

 **Lukewarm:** tru but gn lui!!

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** gn lui,,

 

 **Jonny boy:** gn and good luck on studying!!

 

 **Ty dye:** ^^ what jon said

 

 **Mom™:** goodnight lui!! good luck :^)

 

 **Dad™:** we love u son

 

 **Ratalui:** thanks guys!! love u lots too

 

_Ratalui left The Gay Nerds_

 

 **Jonny boy:** im going to go also!! see u all later my hoes,,,,

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** fuck u too then

 

 **Ty dye:** am i ur #1 hoe

 

 **Lukewarm:** nah. thats evan's spot already ;P

 

 **Ty dye:** O SHIT WAddup

 

_Ratalui has joined The Gay Nerds_

 

 **Ratalui:** HERE COME DAT BOI

 

 **Ratalui:** WAYTCH HIM ROLLIN WATCH HIM G O

 

 **Ratalui:** WATCXH HIM ROLLING WATCH HIM GO

 

 **Ratalui:** HE BE ROLLING FOWNT THE STREET HE BE ROLLING TO THE BEAT

 

_Ratalui has left The Gay Nerds_

 

 **Ty dye:** how th e fuck did he do that

 

 **Jonny boy:** he truly is the meme lord,,,

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** CURSE THE MEME LORD. 

 

 **Lukewarm:** boi dont do that ur gONNA DIE BY HIS MEMES

 

 **Ty dye:** dont risk it

 

 **Jonny boy:** anyways goodbyee~ ill miss all of my hoes

 

_Jonny boy has left The Gay Nerds_

 

 **Lukewarm:** ill head out too. i have to deliver the hedgehog to jon still lmao

 

_Lukewarm has left The Gay Nerds_

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** we still hanging tomorrow?

 

 **Ty dye:** u know it bb <3 

 

 **Craigo my eggo:** gn then!!

 

_Craigo my eggo has left The Gay Nerds_

 

_Ty dye has left the Gay Nerds_

 

_Davey Jones has been disconnected from The Gay Nerds for being idle for too long_

 

 **Dad™:** time for some late night sinning and meme s i guess

 

 **Mom™:** not so fast honey

 

_Dad™ has left The Gay Nerds_

 

 **Mom™:** how the hell am i even going to survive with these idiots??

 

_Mom™ has left The Gay Nerds_


	2. Chapter 2

**October 17th - 3:21pm**

 

**Ratalui --- Jonny Boy (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ty dye , Dad™ , Mom™ , and Davey jones locker**

 

**Ratalui:** do u guys dare me to put my mashed potatoes in my least favorite teacher’s coffee

**Mom™:** NO

**Jonny boy:** YES

**Mom™:** LUI DONT DO IT OR THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU ILL YELL AT YOU

**Lukewarm:** o shit boi

**Craigo my eggo:** mom aint dealing w/ ur shit

**Ratalui:** im gonna do it

**Jonny boy:** pics or it didnt happen

 

_ Ratalui has sent a picture >>> _

_ Ratalui has sent a picture >>> _

_ Ratalui has sent a picture >>> _

 

**Jonny boy:** OH FUCK IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

**Ty dye:** run boy run

**(e)Vans:** run faster than youve ever ran before

**Jonny boy:** ^^what evan said

**Dad™:** we believe in you

**Mom™:** WHY DID YOU ENCOURAGE HIM JOANTHAN

**Jonny boy:** whos joanthan??

**(e)Vans:** i know a nice jonathan if you wanna talk to him

**Dad™:** didnt know we had a kid named joanthan

**Mom™:** never have i ever hated more people in my life

**Davey jones locker:** we lov e u pls

**Mom™:** where were you when i needed you. I waS ALONE

**Jonny boy:**  If you know how I feel, why would you say that? Like, you put me in such an uncomfortable situation. Like, you know I’m not happy

**Ratalui:** theres my fellow memer

**Jonny boy:** i got ur back <<<333

**Ratalui:** ew give those hearts to evan. all i need is david’s love aint that right bby

**Davey jones locker:** dont bring me into this pls

**Ratalui:** i just want ur love

**Davey jones locker:** buy me ice cream then ill think about it

**Ratalui:** if we share it then sure

**Ty dye:** ^^if this aint true love idk what is

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^tru,, david x lui is the true ship

**Jonny boy:** dui? lavid? dai?

**(e)Vans:** either way they still are gay af and are the underrated ship

**Davey jones locker:** i hope u guys realize that lui is currently ablsuhfmewkm

**Mom™:** curious as heck what lui is

**Ratalui:** IM NOTHING haha david s hut up

**Davey jones locker:** HES BLUSHIN GMESS NOW GOODBYE IM GONNA DIE

**Lukewarm:** rip david whatever year-2016

**Jonny boy:** u were a good guy

**Dad™:** ill miss u son,,, we had good catches in the backyard 

**Mom™:** why do i talk to you guys

**Ty dye:** because we’re funny as heck??

**Dad™:** because u love me

**Mom™:** tru @ brian

**Jonny boy:** i always forget you two arent dating

**(e)Vans:** yeah. you two just give off a couple vibe ?? #brick isnt canon

**Craigo my eggo:** honestly we got 2 many ships to handle. we should add another

**Mom™:** but thats going to add more to the problem??

**Craigo my eggo:** e x a c t l y 

**Mom™:** why are you all so problematic

**Jonny boy:** we got it from u 

**Mom™:** mostly from your dad though bc hes the one currently dabbing

**Dad™:** YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO TLEL THEM THAT

**Ty dye:** #exposedbymom

**Jonny boy:** get it trending on twitter

 

_ (e)Vans has set the group chat name to #exposedbymom _

 

**Dad™:** you know brocky, i could expose a lot more of you in our private time ;))

**Ratalui:** EW NO STO P

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^can u guys not flirt like  _ that  _ in the group chat k thx

**Lukewarm:** at least sext in ur private chat

**Dad™:** oh,, we are ;D

 

_ Dad™has sent a picture >>> _

 

**Jonny boy:** IM SO NOT OPENING THAT OCUTURE

**(e)Vans:** “ocuture” how tf jon

**Jonny boy:** shut up and sympathize for me 

**Davey jones locker:** yeah dont open it. its actual sextinG and never did i think brock could be so… unpure

**Jonny boy:** NOW I GOTTA SEE THIS ADN USE IT AS BLAXKMAIL

**Ty dye:** blaxkmail?

**Craigo my eggo:** blaxkmail.

**Ty dye:** maybe blaxkmail will be our always

**Jonny boy:** mom tell them to stop being mean to me :(

**Mom** **™:** are you sure you dont deserve this

**Lukewarm:** o shiT BOI

**Ratalui:** luke is my true meme brother

**Lukewarm:** u know it 

**Ty dye:** anyways, do we want to meet again sometime soon? break is soon so it’ll be a good opportunity 

**Davey jones locker:** we should take a beach trip :00

**(e)Vans:** you just want to see lui shirtless 

**Davey jones locker:** oh evan,, i dont need a beach for me to see that ;))

**Jonny boy:** B Y E

**Mom™:** oh my god please someone save me

**Craigo my eggo:** _ D A V I D _

**Davey jones locker:** dont have evan make those comments then. Its an easy deal m8

**Mom™:** rip, anyways, im gonna watch movies with friends. goodbye children, please behave

**Lukewarm:** no. fuk ur rules

 

_ Mom™ has left #exposedbymom _

 

**Jonny boy:** im still laughing bc the group chat name tbh 

 

_ \---- _

 

**October 17th, 11:36pm**

 

**Ty dye --- Jonny Boy (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Mom™ , and Davey jones locker**

 

**Ty dye:** guYS I THINK I CAN TALK TO KENO???

**Craigo my eggo:** cool. my boyfriend who doesnt even like dogs that much gETS TO TALK TO DOGS YET I, A FULL PLEDGED DOG LOVER, CANT. YEAH TOTALLY FAIR

**Jonny boy:** i relate tbh

**(e)Vans:** guys what if im a dog whisperer bc im so good at picking up bitches ;DD

**Dad™:** evan,, honey,, ur gay 

**Lukewarm:** tru

**Jonny boy:** tru

**Ty dye:** tru

**Craigo my eggo:** tru

**Davey jones locker:** tru

**(e)Vans:** tru

**(e)Vans:** but i feel like we’re missing so many people even though only two are missing

**Ty dye:** can i add friends so we have more company and will probably freak the fuck out of lui and brock

**Dad™:** f u c k y e s

 

_ Ty dye has added Scooter and Marchello to #exposed by mom _

 

**Ty dye:** WHAT UP HOES

**Marchello:** where tf are we???

**Jonny boy:** meme hell mother fuckr

**(e)Vans:** also r u guys joining us in the next meet up or bailing to have sex somewhere again

**Lukewarm:** ^^EVAN CHILL OMG

**Scooter:** at least ive admitted my love u wuss

**(e)Vans:** LETS GO SMOL BOY 

**Craigo my eggo:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

**Marchello:** sorry bby but my money is on evan. hes a big buff cheeto puff

**Scooter:** tbh i would even bet on evan

**Jonny boy:** who wouldnt?? hes 2 tough

**Davey jones locker:** im heading 2 bed,, gnight. dont meme too hard that the meme police will have to arrest you

**Lukewarm:** im gonna join david. im tired a f

 

_ Davey jones locker has left #exposedbymom  _

_ Lukewarm has left #exposedbymom _

 

**Ratalui:** we lost the best meme warrior tonight :’(( he was my best meme bro. who will i meme wit now

**Marchello:** i got u fam

 

_ Jonny boy has left #exposedbymom _

_ (e)Vans has left #exposedbymom _

 

**Dad™:** woah where did those 2 go

**Ratalui:** hopefully have sex already

**Scooter:** they so like each other its not even a joke anymore like

**Mom™:** we gotta set them up together

 

_ Mom™ has left #exposedbymom _

_ Dad™ has left #exposedbymom _

 

**Craigo my eggo:** where tf is everyone going

**Ty dye:** maybe one huge orgy party

**Scooter:** EW DUDE DONT PUT THAT IMAGEI N MY MIND

**Marchello:** ^^ pls

**Craigo my eggo:** but whos ready for some late nght memeing mother fuckers

**Ratalui:** i am truly with my people,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #exposedbymom


	3. Chapter 3

**October 23rd, 2:15pm**

 

**Mom™ --- Ty dye , Jonny Boy (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Davey jones locker , Marchello , and Scooter**

  
  


**Mom™:** CHILDREN

**(e)Vans:** yes mother

**Craigo my eggo:** arent u in class????

**Ratalui:** o shit is mom disobeying the rules for once :000

**Marchello:** O SHIT BOI

**Ty dye:** pics or it didnt happen

**Jonny boy:** its literally right there--

**Ty dye:** do u wanna fight clown

**Jonny boy:** lets fuck in g g0

**Ty dye:** WE ALL KNOW WHOS GONNA WIN U MR FIVE FOOT TEN VS MR SIX FOOT FOUR

**Jonny boy:** psH

**Mom™:** can u guys calm down ffs,,, i got something important to say

**(e)Vans:** WAIT WAIT WAIT

**Lukewarm:** what

**(e)Vans:** wheres dad

**Mom™:** ok so.. about that

**Jonny boy:** WAIT DID DAD DIE

**Ratalui:** did he die in a meme war

**Scooter:** the bravest of soldiers die with a good heart

**Craigo my eggo:** and good memes

**Davey jones locker:** rip papa,,, 

**Ty dye:** ill miss him

**Mom™:** HES NOT DEAD FOR FUCKIGN SAKE NDIWQN GUYS

**(e)Vans:** WHAT IS HE THEN IF HE AINT DEAD

**Mom™:** HES MY BOYFRIEND SMH

**Jonny boy:** OH FUCK

**Lukewarm:** OMG

**Craigo my eggo:** MY FUCKING SHIP HAS SAILED BRICK IS CANON GUYS

**Marchello:** i havent been here for that long bUT JUST SAYING, WITH ALL THE MOMENTS, TOOK YOU FUCKERS LONG ENOUGJ

**Ratalui:** MY PARENTS ARE FINALLY TOGETHER BYE I AM READY TO DIE

**Ty dye:** wait wheres dad though????

**Mom™:** in class but earlier we were talking abt it and tbh, we got together a fe w days ago but we were like “hey maybe we should come out to our children” and yeah

**Jonny boy:** u two are major cuties im so happy

**Davey jones locker:** wait how long have u two known each other again

**Mom™:** uhh,, almost 4 yrs?? 

**Lukewarm:** fuck thats long 

**Jonny boy:** like my dicK ;))))

**Ratalui:** the only person who can vow is evan i bet

**(e)Vans:** ok u kNOW WHAT-

**Ratalui:** figh t me big buff cheeto f uc king PUFF

**Jonny boy:** CALM DOWN

**Mom™:** for once, i actually agree with jon

**Davey jones locker:** i wanna hang out w/ u guys again irl like last time was so fun

**Ty dye:** i like how u say that but we were at the boardwalk last time and seagulls attacked ur ass bc u had french fries

**Craigo my eggo:** his yells of terror still haunt my dreams to this day

**Jonny boy:** didnt luke then start cursing a fuck ton at the seagulls

**Lukewarm:** THE FAMILY ON THE BENCH WAS SO HORRIFIED AT WHAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH IT WAS GREAT

**(e)Vans:** i think we should get luke to diss someone 

**Ratalui:** get him into a rap contest instead bc he’ll win 100%

**Marchello:** I GOTTA HEAR HIM RAP NOW

 

_ Jonny boy has sent a video >>> _

 

**Scooter:** DAMN SON HE GOT THAT RAP CONTEST IN THE BAG

**Dad™:** unless the next eminem pops out of no whwre

**Ty dye:** waddup dad. nice 2 know ur alive

**Craigo my eggo:** PAPA IS ALIVE ,,,

**Ratalui:** omg yes, the meme war didnt kill you

**Dad™:** i mean im already dead so its hard to kill smth when its already gone

**Dad™:** also smh,, i was in the skeleton war since the spook holiday is soon

**Jonny boy:** H A L L O W E E B

**Jonny boy:** FUCK I MEANT H A L L O W E E B

**Jonny boy:** HALLOWEN

**Lukewarm:** jon,,, just stop while ur ahead

**Jonny boy:** no i have to do this

**Jonny boy:** HALLOWEen

**Jonny boy:** HA RUCKERS GUESS WHO FUCKINF GOT IT FINANLY 

**(e)Vans:** u sure didnt get anything else right though

**Ratalui:** //but youll surely get evans rick later

**Jonny boy:** RICK

**Ratalui:** FUCK I MEANT DICK

**Jonny boy:** HA U FUCKING OUTDTAED MEME GO BACK TO 2011 WHERE U FUCKING BELONG

**Ratalui:** man i love those outdtated memes

**Jonny boy:** do u wanna go shortie

**Ratalui:** _ L E T S G O _

**Mom™:** N O FIGHTING. i just went to get some food and this is what i come back to :(

**Craigo my eggo:** ooo u made mom sad

**Davey jones locker:** u two are in troubLe aHHAHA SUCKERS

**Dad™:** haHa

**Ty dye:** shush up u european fuckErs 

**Craigo my eggo:** i love how u used shush up, a very kind way of saying shut up, then fuckers

**Ty dye:** i love you ;)

**Craigo my eggo:** i love u too bby

**Craigo my eggo:** no homo tho

**Ty dye:** yeah man, no homo

**Ratalui:** r u kidding its all the homo u gay fuckers

**(e)Vans:** ^^ok true though?? guys this chat is literally tHE GAY NERDS

**Jonny boy:** we are all the homo

  
  
  


**October 23rd, 11:49pm**

 

**Jonny boy --- Ty dye , Mom™ (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Davey jones locker , Marchello , and Scooter**

 

**Jonny boy:** UNO MOTHER FUCKERS

**Craigo my eggo:** ????

**Ty dye:** r u and luke playing uno again 

**Lukewarm:** JONATHAN IS A FUCKING CHEATER I WILL BEAT HIS ASS INTO THE GROUND HE IS A DEAD B O Y

**Dad™:** let us calm down guys,,,

**Lukewarm:** YOU TELL THIS DUMB ASS LOOKING BITCH THAT UNO AINT FOR CHEATERS LIKE HIM AND HIS FLAT ASS

**Ratalui:** this is beautiful

**Lukewarm:** WE DONT NEED YOUR USELESS, UNWORTHY COMMENTARY HOW ABOUT YOU GO AGAINST THIS CHEATING MOTHER FUCKER AND TELL ME THAT HE AINT CHEAT IN G

**Jonny boy:** BRYCE IS DEFENDING ME BYE

**Lukewarm:** BITCH, BRYCE WILL DEFEND ANYONE EHS AN ACTULA ANGEL BYE. HIS DEFENDING DONT MEAN SHIT

**Scooter:** pss, does anyone know who these people are

**Jonny boy:** YOU WAN N A GO MOTHER FUCKER

**Ratalui:** never heard of ‘em

**Lukewarm:** BITCH LETS GO RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW UR RIHGT NEAR HERE AND I AM READY TO PUNCH YO FACE IN INTO YOUR BRIAN THEN MAE IT EXPLODE

**Davey jones locker:** brian

**Dad™:** did someone ened me 

**Ty dye:** can u stop these two from yelling theyre blowing up craig and i’s phoneeee

**Craiggo my eggo:** yEah. what tyler said 

**Mom™:** wait,,, they went silent

**Scooter:** are they okay

**Lukewarm:** yep, we resolved the issue

**Jonny boy:** mhmm

**(e)Vans:** ngl, im really concerned on how you guys settled it

**Jonny boy:** its none of yo busiNESS

**Dad™:** o shit

**Ty dye:** what a dad

 

**October 24th, 3:45am**

 

**Davey jones locker --- Ty dye , Jonny Boy (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Mom™ , Marchello , and Scooter**

 

**Davey jones locker:** can you stab urself with a ruler

**Marchello:** idk, can you???

**Davey jones locker:** idk can you

**Marchello:** idk can you

**Davey jones locker:** idk can you

**Marchello:** idk can you

**Davey jones locker:** idk can you

**Marchello:** idk can you

**Davey jones locker:** idk can you

**Marchello:** idk can you

**Davey jones locker:** idk can you

**Marchello:** idk can you

**Davey jones locker:** idk can you

**Marchello:** idk can you

**Mom™:** bE QUIET AND GO TO BED SMH YOU GUYS NEED SLEEP

**Davey jones locker:** you do too htough???

**Mom™:** ik i study a ton but i still gotta cram the notes we got today for the test tomorrow

**Marchello:** brock,, youll do fine.. go thru the notes one last time then get some slepe okay, you are our mom and we dont need a badi influence from you

**Mom™:** yeah yeah, now you guys head to bed pls. we all need some form of energy for the chaos thatll ensue tomorrow w/ this chat

**Davey jones locker:** tru tru

**Marchello:** yee, gn guys

**Davey jones locker:** gn

**Mom™:** gn :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school recently started for me and let me say, my thirst for death has never been stronger. but it isnt too bad, like i have this class where we'll be doing a lot of opinions and talking abt religion, our beliefs, etc. so thats going to be fun.
> 
> but this chapter was fun to write. not many memes but hEY BRICK IS CANON!! also im lwokey tempted to add a smol bit of angst but ill hold off for a while aha. anyways i hope you all enjoyed the chapter and sorry, updates might be slow bc im taking all honors classes which means a heck ton of homework and just-- rip!!
> 
> once again, thank you for reading and supporting this story!! this is a super fun story to wrtie and with all of the support ive gotten, it makes writing this even more fun!!


	4. Chapter 4

**October 27th, 11:25 am**

 

**Scooter --- Ty dye , Jonny Boy (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Davey jones locker , Marchello , and Mom™**

 

**Scooter:** IM YELLING GNIRJK

**Ty dye:** boy what happened this time

**Ratalui:** b o i

**Scooter:** MARCEL JUST CALLED ME AND IM W/ MY BROTHEE FOR THE WEEKEND AND SO MY BRO ANSWREE AND F UCK

**Mom** **™:** oh god what did he do

**Scooter:** MARCEL WAS LIKE “HEY BABY” AND MY BROTHER WASMLIKE “OH SCOTT I DIDNT KNOW THAT THIS WAS THE GUY U WEE FUCKING FOR THE PAST YEARS SHOULDV ETOLD ME BEFORE ANSWERING” AN D IM HAPPY HES OK W/ MY GAY BEING BUT CAN HE AT LEATS HAVE SOME SILTER

**Lukewarm:** silter

**Craigo my eggo:** SILTER

**Ratalui:** silter me up

**Marchello:** and call me daddy

**Dad™:** what th e fuck did i walk into

**Mom™:** leave while you have the chance

**Davey jones locker:** are we not going to bring the fcact up that marcel might have a daddy kink

**Ty dye:** doesnt everyone

**Mom™:** and this is where i take my leave

**Ratalui:** ibet brock is the kinkiest of all of us

**Craigo my eggo:** is he??

**Scooter:** dad u gotta give us the answer since youll know

**Dad** **™:** …

**Dad™:** idk if he is or isnt im not asking

**Lukewarm:** who does mom like the most and wouldnt deny

**Ratalui:** JONATHAN

**Ty dye:** JON

**Davey jones locker:** jon 100%

**(e)Vans:** obv jon

**(e)Vans:** ill get him

 

///

 

**(e)Vans - > Jonny boy**

 

**(e)Vans:** yo the guys need you for smth w/ brock and finding out his kinks

**(e)Vans:** jonnnn

**(e)Vans:** jonnythan

**(e)Vans:** where are you it says ur online :((((((

**Jonny boy:** sorry, currently sick af and want death

**(e)Vans:** aw im sorry babe ;; want me to get you soup or smth??

**Jonny boy:** ur like four hours away though???

**(e)Vans:** so?

**Jonny boy:** i dont want you to drive that far and be tired af

**(e)Vans:** so ill just stay the night at ur place

**Jonny boy:** what if you get sick?

**(e)Vans:** then we’re sick together

**Jonny boy:** how romantic

**(e)Vans:** luv u bby :*

**Jonny boy:** love you too~

**(e)Vans:** but what soup should i bring?

**Jonny boy:** just chicken noodle ig. Ill rent movies or smth and get some tea reayd

**Jonny boy:** ready*

**(e)Vans:** okie dokie. And go in the gc theystill need you i think

**Jonny boy:** okie

 

////

 

**Scooter:** u wanna go lui?!?!

**Ratalui:** lets go u fu ckin G RAT

**Scooter:** says the one w/r at in his NAME

**Jonny boy:** wtf is even happening

**Ty dye:** a fight

**Craigo my eggo:** nice 2 see u here jon

**Ratalui:** WAIT JON WE NEED UR CINNAMON ROLL ABIULITIES

**Jonny boy:** to do what…

**Lukewarm:** find out brocks kinks

**Dad** **™:** oh gosh

**Jonny boy:** w h y though

**Ratalui:** why not??

**Jonny boy:** tell me why i have to do it though??

**Lukewarm:** bc ur brocky’s fave and he cant say no to you

**Ty dye:** since ur the fave child all of us gotta take advantage of it

**Jonny boy:** even then what makes u so confident he’ll tell me his kinks

**Jonny boy:** why not brian?? his bf??

**Ratalui:** we know what we’re doing,, trust us

**Jonny boy:** but what if i told u guys no

**Craigo my eggo:** o s h i t

**Ratalui:** can u plsplspl s do  this for us

**Jonny boy:** what do i get in return?

**Ratalui:** ill buy u ice cream and bring it over rn

**Jonny boy:** hmm

**Jonny boy:** nah

**Marchello:** bro we gotta know pls

**Ratalui:** waIT WHY A NO

**Jonny boy:** bc i cant jjsut ask evan to get me ice crea,m

**Ratalui:** wait what

**Scooter:** om g

**Craigo my eggo:** is my ship,,

**Jonny boy:** _ haha gotta  b l a s t _

**Ratalui:** UF CUK DONT YOU LEAVE TOO

**(e)Vans:** fucking helll

**Lukewarm:** what is even going on??

**Davey jones locker:** ^^^ t b h

**Ty dye:** what just happeend is some gay shit

**Craigo my eggo:** b k e s s 

**Dad** **™:** b k e s s

**Marchello:** b k e s s

**Craigo my eggo:** why am i hated s o much

**Ty dye:** i dont hate you <333

**Craigo my eggo:** thank u bby

**(e)Vans:** is hip it ahaha

**Lukewarm:** ^^ preach

  
  


**October 27th 10:35 pm**

 

**Mom™ --- Dad™ , Ratalui , Davey Jones Locker , Lukewarm , Jonny boy , (e)Vans , Ty dye , Craigo my eggo, Marchello , and Scooter**

 

**Mom™:** why is marley and me such an emotional movie

**Craigo my eggo:** bc no one wants doggos to die

**Mom™:** theyre so pure

**Craig my eggo:** theyre all sizes and just so happy

**Mom™:** can we hang out with each other and talk abt dogs

**Craigo my eggo:** y e s

**Ty dye:** wha t is even happening

**Dad™:** u guys should watch homeward bound then

**Mom™:** one sec im gonna search it up

**Mom™:** IVE SENE THAT ONE FJWKB

**Mom™:** ITSS UCH A SAD MOVIE DIDNT THE ONE OLD DOG DIE 

**Craigo my eggo:** omg ehat no

**Dad™:** i don t remember but it is a classic movie, sad af though

**Scooter:** like ur life

**Marchello:** OoOOO

**Ratalui:** oh shit u just got served

**Dad™:** not as sad as ur sex life though

**Craigo my eggo:** HO.LY SHIT THIS IS AN ACTUAL ROAST WAR

**Lukewarm:** whoever loses will be as burnt as toast

**Ty dye:** can someone get me popcorn i wanna see who’ll wiun

**Scooter:** hey, at least i actually have one :^)

**Ratalui:** holy fn uc k where are jon and evan they missing a beautiful thing

**Dad™:** ah you wish my son,, the only action youre getting is in video games which, sorry to say, doesnt count

**Mom™:** why does this happen, why cant we be anrmal group chat

**Ratalui:** we are a normal group chat

**Scooter:** you know what doesnt count? your existence

**Marchello:** what if this goes super deep

**Ty dye:** like deep deep or deep all the way to china deep

**Craigo my eggo:** why not both??

**Dad™:** shit u right. but i at least have some1 who cares about my existence

**Davey jones locker:** this is beautiufl

**Lukewarm:** i want 2 know the winner already

**Scooter:** srry but ur mom doesnt count

**Dad™:** oh, but urs does :)

**Ratalui:** oh fuc k

**Craigo my eggo:** WHOS GOING TO WIN I GOTTA KNOW

**Scooter:** f uc k y o u

**Davey jones locker:** WE GOT A WINNER

**Ratalui:** OOOOOO

**Ty dye:** holy shit brian i am a proud son

**Craigo my eggo:** i want another roast war in this gC SOON 

**Mom™:** good job bri & good job scott, u both did great

**Marchello:** im proud of u bby

**Scooter:** <3

**Lukewarm:** holy shit that was good,,, but where tf were evan adn jon

**Ratalui:** i would understand ev not being on but jon not being on either is weird

**Lukewarm:** maybe theyre w/ each other

**Davey jones locker:** fuck yes @ my ship

**Mom™:** #jevan

**Marchello:** #jevan

**Ty dye:** #jevan

**Craigo my eggo:** #jevan

**Jonny boy:** #jevan

**Ratalui:** #jevan

**Scooter:** #jevan

**Lukewarm:** WAIT JON IS SHERE THATLIL SHIT

**Ratalui:** f i g h t h  i m

**Lukewarm:** k

**Mom™:** nO FIGHTING

**Lukewarm:** fineeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow a chapter of one of my fanfics how surprising!! but i just got sick so ahaha murder me i want death. anyways school also makes me want death and just life iS STRESSFUL.
> 
> this chapter was fun to write tbh. i liked it a lot but i suck at roasting so the roast war probably sucks.
> 
> thanks for the support as always and ill see you in the next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**October 30th 12:56 pm**

 

**Jonny boy --- Ty dye , Scooter , (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Davey jones locker , Marchello , and Mom™**

 

**Jonny boy:** HALLOWEEN IS SO CLOSE IM YELLING 

**(e)Vans:** spook it the fuck up

**Ratalui:** are you guys dressing up???

**Craigo my eggo:** DID I HEAR SPOOK?!?

**Ty dye:** oh no,,,

**Ratalui:** YEEE BOI

**Dad™:** spook it th e fuck up

**Marchello:** sign me the f u c k up **™**

**Scooter:** im gonna thrw a pumokin

**Jonny boy:** PUMOKIN

**Ratalui:** p u m o ki n

**Mom™:** pumokin

**Scooter:** sTOP THIS IS BULLYING MOM STOP THEM

**Scooter:** fuck mom is apart of this 

**Scooter:** i am alone,, lost,, and afraid

**Marchello:** good

**Ty dye:** fuCK U GOT CALLED OUT BY UR WN BF

**Lukewarm:** lke that hasnt happened to you

**Ty dye:** damn u right

**(e)Vans:** does someone want to take notes for me my art class is so boring dnikna

**Davey jones locker:** ask brock, hes in the art major (or something that has to do with art) and could probably help you a heck ton

**(e)Vans:** thank u my dude

**Davey jones locker:** no problem my dude

**Jonny boy:** waht the fuck are you guys surfing california dudes

**Ty dye:** “surfing california dudes”

**Marchello:** surfing california dudes

**Ratalui:** cowabunga my dude!!

**Dad™:** thats like, totally radical 

**Craigo my eggo:** im so stoked brooo

**Davey jones locker:** sURFS UP

**Jonny boy:** I AHTE YALL

**Jonny boy:** except brock bc hES THE ONLY ONE NOT MAKING FUN OF ME

**Marchello:** im not though???

**Scooter:** ^^

**Jonny boy:** but ur doing it silently..

**Scooter:** lmao tru

**Lukewarm:** but hwat r u guys doing for this spooky holiday this year

**Scooter:** marcel and i are buying a fuck ton of candy and watching spooky godmother

**Ratalui:** I LOVE THAT MOVIE CAN DAVID AND I JOIN YOU PLEASE

**Marchello:** sure but bring ur own candy bc we aint sharing

**Ratalui:** u got it, but dont ask us for any candy if we one up you ;)

**Marchello:** is that a fucking c h a l  l  e n g e

**Ratalui:** it can be if u wnat it to be

**Davey jones locker:** can u two chill smh theres no need to make a huge challenge out of who has the better candy

**Ratalui:** yes there is

**Marchello:** ^^

**Ty dye:** ^^

**Scooter:** ^^

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^

**Lukewarm:** ^^

**Jonny boy:** ^^

**(e)Vans:** ^^

**Dad™:** ^^

**Davey jones locker:** this is the one time all of you have agreed on somehting

**Ty dye:** yes bc we’re going against u

**Jonny boy:** can i add two ppl to this chat

**Lukewarm:** is it who i think it is

**Jonny boy:** probably

**Ratalui:** who r u adding??

**Lukewarm:** one of the most pure beings alive

**Lukewarm:** and his bf, the person where anything he says can sound sexual

**Jonny boy:** i still dont get how it works

**Craigo my eggo:** who tops tho

**Lukewarm:** i would say ryan but i can see bryce

**Jonny boy:** yee, like bryce seems innocent but then boom, he can be dirty as heck

**Lukewarm:** it amazes me

**Jonny boy:** ill add them lmao

 

_ Jonny boy has added Spicy Brycey to #exposed by mom _

 

_ Jonny boy has added Daddy Kink to #exposed by mom _

**Daddy Kink:** I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED 

**Spicy Brycey:** omg..

**Lukewarm:** jon why do u hate ryan

**Daddy Kink:** EVERYONE ELSE HAS CUTE OR SILLY NICKNANES AND I GET DADYD KINK I DONT HEVEN HAVE ONE YOU FRUCK

**(e)Vans:** this is beautiful

**Daddy Kink:** ILL RECITE DAMN DANIEL MEMES 24/7 IN OUR PRIVATE CHAT WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE

**(e)Vans:** u wANNA GO

**Ty dye:** someone is challenging oUR BIG BUFF CHEETO PUFF

**Craigo my eggo:** oh ym gufck

**Daddy Kink:** ILL TAKE U DOWN 

**(e)Vans:** ill kinksham e u

**Scooter:** oH SHIT

**Marchello:** im going to cry this is beautiful

**Daddy Kink:** I WILL ACTUALLY TRAVEL TO JON S HOME AND FIGHT HIM INSTEAD BC HE DID THIS

**Daddy Kink:** WHERE THE FUCK DID NHE EVEN GO THAT BITCH

**Jonny boy:** this is beautiful i dont wNT to change the name

**Spicy Brycey:** im always learning new stuff about ryan, and this is,, this is something i never expected

**Daddy Kink:** bryce,,,, it isnt what you think it is i promise

**Daddy Kink:** bRYCE JUST LEFT THE DORM IM 

**(e)Vans:** thats what u get for being a kinky fuck

**Daddy Kink:** i am fullw ell prepared t fight 

**Mom™:** NO FIGHTING

**Dad™:** mom strikes back

**Mom™:** i am just trying to study and this is the bs i get guys, i just want peace and quiet why dont we talk about halloween plans instead of threatening to fight each other and kimnkshaming. so? who cares if someones got a weird kink is it affecting you, no, so lets take a god damn chill pill and talk about halloween being tomorrow instead oF FIGHTING 

**Ty dye:** shit dude

**Craigo my eggo:** never get on moms bad side as i say or youll get a scary ass reprimanding

**Mom™:** craigy,,, that wasnt even my worse now talk about halloween :)

 

**October 30th 11:39 pm**

 

**Jonny boy --- Ty dye , Scooter , (e)Vans , Lukewarm , Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Davey jones locker , Marchello , Mom™ , Spicy Brycey , and Daddy Kink**

 

**Jonny boy:** GUYS WE GOT 21 MINYUTES TOIL HALLOWEEN

**(e)Vans:** spook 

**Daddy Kink:** im gonna yell out of our window and to the whole neighborhood that iys halloween

**Spicy Brycey:** ill push you out of the window

**Craigo my eggo:** oh my god bryCe

**Marchello:** shit he has no filter

**Ratalui:** i thought u were an angel??

**Jonny boy:** oh he is, just wait

**Lukewarm:** its scary how good he is at being an angel

**Jonny boy:** tbh hes got ryan wrapped around his finger

**Daddy Kink:** lmao true

**(e)Vans:** i just love how ryan agrees like yeah true im a sucker for him

**Davey jones locker:** i mean,, evan ur the same way for jon

**Mom™:** and here you can see the #1 shipper of jevan 

**Davey jones locker:** truu

**Craigo my eggo:** can i be the co captain

**Lukewarm:** are we appointing positions for the ship of jevan

**Ty dye:** f uck yes

**Ratalui:** GUYS DIWBQ

**Marchello:** yes meme lord

**Scooter:** way to suck uP smh

**Ratalui:** before you two startt arguijng hALLOWEEN IS IN 11 MINUTES

**Lukewarm:** //chants spook

**Jonny boy:** spook

**Spicy Brycey:** spook

**Daddy Kink:** spook

**Craigo my eggo:** spook

**Marchello:** spook

**Scooter:** spook

**Mom™:** spook

**Ty dye:** spook

**(e)Vans:** spook

**Davey jones locker:** spook

**Dad™:** spook

**Ratalui:** spook

**Jonny boy:** why are we like this

**Scooter:** bc were a group chat and this is what groupc hats do

**Dad™:** tru tru

**Ratalui:** 9 minutes 9 minutes 

**Marchello:** BOI YES

**Craigo my eggo:** spook it thE FUC K YUP

**Mom™:** what even is so good about halloween???

**Ratalui:** mom,,,,brock,,,

**Marchello:** skeletons

**Scooter:** spooks

**Jonny boy:** candy

**Daddy Kink:** costumes

**(e)Vans:** more spooks

**Craigo my eggo:** pumpkins

**Spicy Brycey:** scary movies

**Lukewarm:** like the beginning of fall

**Dad™:** e v e r y t h i n g

**Mom™:** ok wow what cooperation

**Craigo my eggo:** 5 mINUYTES DBIUQBDKJ YES

**Ratalui:** guys im s o hyped

**Craigo my eggo:** sameeeee

**Ty dye:** i do not kid u he actually is shaking in his seat out of excitement

**Scooter:** iF THATA INT ME

**Jonny boy:** 3 minutes sjbkwq

**(e)Vans:** hype hype hype

**Dad™** : iM YELLING BSAIJK 

**Dad** **™:** wE’RE AT LUI AND DAVIDS DORM AND LUI BJSUT BLASTE D SPOOKY SCARY SKEKETONS

**Ratalui:** ;))))

**Ty dye:** i s2g craig iuf u try to do that i will not hesitate to fight u

**Craigo my eggo:** ;))))

**(e)Vans:** ONE MINUTE AND 30 SECONDS

**Scooter:** this feels like new years eve to new years except its halloween

**Dad™:** and instead of “happy new years” its “happy halloween”

**Ratalui:** happy spook

**Jonny boy:** spooktober

**Lukewarm:** 1 m i n u t e

**Scooter:** boiiii

**Spicy Brycey:** ryna opened the window hes ready

**Davey jones locker:** i checked luis laptop and he has the 1 hour version of spooky scary skeeltons on rip us

**Ty dye:** skeeltons

**Scooter:** skeeltons

**Dad™:** skeeltons

**Craigo my eggo:** skeeltons

**Lukewarm:** skeeltons 

**Jonny boy:** GUYS JITS BHALLWOEEN

**Ratalui:** WOOOOSL POOKY 

**Craigo my eggo:** hAPPY AHLLOWEEN LADS

**Scooter:** ITS HALLOWEEN BTICHES

**Daddy Kink:** a neighbor yelled  back to shut up

**(e)Vans:** if that aint me

**Dad™:** hAppy halloween children

**Mom™:** happ y halloween now goodnight my kids, and dont go to bed too late okay? You gusy need ur sleep

**Jonny boy:** yes mommmmm

**(e)Vans:** u got it mom

**Ty dye:** happy halloween

**Marchello:** tyler, u are so god damn late to the party

**Ty dye:** i was taking a shit give me a break

**Davey jones locker:** not surprised ngl

**Ratalui:** im so happy its halloween

**Craigo my eggo:** same

**Scooter:** ^^

**Marchello:** ^^

**Jonny boy:** ^^

**Ty dye:** ^^

**(e)Vans:** ^^

**Dad™:** ^^

**Davey jones locker:** ^^

**Lukewarm:** ^^

**Daddy Kink:** ^^

**Spicy Brycey:** ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for not updating recently!! school has been stressful and my clubs go until late and then homework takes even more time and every weekend ive had stuff to do and im sorry bUT HEY ITS OCTOBER SO!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN KIDDOS!!
> 
> buut i hope you all enjoyed this fun chapter and ill see you in the next one!


	6. Chapter 6

**November 2nd 1:26 pm**

 

**Lukewarm --- Ty dye , Scooter , (e)Vans , Jonny boy, Craigo my eggo, Ratalui , Dad™ , Davey jones locker , Marchello , Mom™ , Spicy Brycey , and Daddy Kink**

 

**Lukewarm:** “JON I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SLAP RYAN” - BRYCE

**Lukewarm:** if this doesnt confirm bryce has got a leash on ryan idk wha t does

**(e)Vans:** DAMN THATS SOME KINKY SHIT

**Ratalui:** like u and jon arent worse,,,,

**Craigo my eggo:** holy fuck u got called out

**Davey jones locker:** #jevan

**Spicy Brycey:** lui and david are the #1 shipping couple of jevan tbh

**Spicy Brycey:** like,, all they make are comments abt jevan

**Ratalui:** i also mAKE COMMENTS ABOUT MEMES U WANNA FUCKING GO

**Jonny boy:** laughing bc lui is short as fuck compared to bryce

**Ratalui:** HOW TALL IS BRYC EWTF

**Spicy Brycey:** 6’3 last time i checked

**Ratalui:** …

**Ratalui:** i could make david fight him or i could pull some monkey bullshit and somehow fight him

**Ty dye:** i wanna see the secon d one tbh

**Scooter:** tall ass boy vs small as boy

**Marchello:** as

**Scooter:** dONT TURN ON ME FUCKER YOU ARE MY OWN GOD DA,M BOYFRINED

**Marchello:** whats a boyfrined???

**Scooter:** _ you know what i mean fucker ill  _ _ have you know i graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and i have over 300 confirmed kills. i am trained in gorilla warfare and im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. you are nothing to me but just another target. i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? think again, fucker. as we speak i am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. you’re fucking dead, kid. i can be anywhere, anytime, and i can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. not only am i extensively trained in unarmed combat, but i have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. if only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. but you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. i will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. you’re fucking dead, kiddo _

**Ratalui:** whoever was my meme bro b4,,, ur replaced

**Marchello:** HE JUST THREW HIS BAG OF CHEETOS AT ME IM,,,

**Craigo my eggo:** is it ok if i add my friend hes memetastic i promise

**Ratalui:** we gotta ask mom and dad

**Lukewarm:** tf,, where have they been this whole time even

**(e)Vans:** what are they doing?

**Jonny boy:** maybe

**Jonny boy:** theyre

**Jonny boy:** having

**Jonny boy:** some

 

_ Jonny boy has been removed from #exposed by mom by  _ _ Mom™ _

 

**Mom™:** mm, what did you guys need? :)

**Craigo my eggo:** can i get a, cree-py!

**Mom™:** craigy, shush, but what did you guys need? Brian and i are enjoying our break

**(e)Vans:** from what??

**Dad™:** from you guys

**Mom™:** ^^

**Craigo my eggo:** but i was wondering if i could add osmeone to rhis grou p chat

**Mom™:** have fun, but if theyre innocent, dont taint them

**Mom™:** also someone add jon back k thanks <3 now goodbye children

**Dad™:** ^^

 

_ Jonny boy has been added to #exposed by mom by Craigo my eggo _

 

_ Smitten has been added to #exposed by mom by Craigo my eggo _

 

**Craigo my eggo:** guys, this is smitty

**Smitten:** are you sure about that

**Craigo my eggo:** hes already quoting memes..

**Ratalui:** i am a proud meme lord for recruiting another minion in my kingdom

**Smitten:** i was abt to challenge ur memes but i realized that my meme stash is currently weak as fuck 

**Scooter:** like marcel ;)

**Marchello:** U WANNA FUKCING GO SCOTTY

**Smitten:** oh hey scott

**Scooter:** what up smitty

**Jonny boy:** wait whta has happeened

**Craigo my eggo:** new guy

**Ty dye:** what up, im tyler

**Smitten:** oh yeah i know u, craig talks abt you a fuck ton

**Lukewarm:** hola, im luke

**(e)Vans:** im evan

**Jonny boy:** aka big buff cheet puff, and im jon

**Davey jones locker:** hello, im david

**Craigo my eggo:** brock and brianc an introduce themselves later,,, but are we missing anyojne??

**Lukewarm:** bryce and ryan,, smh

**Jonny boy:** ill spam them quickl y brb

**Smitten:** anyways, nice to meet you luke, evan, jon, and david!! 

**Smitten:** i may not b active a lot but its okay bc ill probably respond with memes

**Spicy Brycey:** hi!! im bryce, nice to meet you!!

**Ty dye:** where is ryan

**Spicy Brycey:** hes refusing to say hi bc of his name

**Marchello:** RYAN STOP BEING WEAK AND JUS SAY HI OR JON WILL MAKE UR NAME WORSE

**Spicy Brycey:** still refusing

**Jonny boy:** how do we get him to talk,,,

**Smitten:** is he a meme boy

**Ratalui:** sadly no

**Lukewarm:** he is sexual as fuck though

**Craigo my eggo:** i remember when we were talking in a private chat that it was hot for some reason and he grabbed an ice cube and moaned reall y loudly

**Daddy Kink:** YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYOJE THAT YOU MOTHER FUCKER

**Craigo my eggo:** ur welcome

**Smitten:** oh mymg od,, that name

**Daddy Kink:** hi im ryan and i DONT have a daddy kink i promise

**Daddy Kink:** im also dating the angel that is known as bryce who is the one with the daddy kink

**Jonny boy:** FUCK BRYCE JSUT GOT EXPOSED

**Spicy Brycey:** nah, you are

**Daddy Kink:** no u do mother fucker i will throw my gatorade at you

**Scooter:** what flavor

**Daddy Kink:** fruit punch

**Scooter:** throw it at me instead fucker that sounds good as fuck

**Spicy Brycey:** give it to me pls

**Smitten:** can i have whatever we’re asking for

**Ty dye:** theyre asking for a gatorade

**Daddy Kink:** its almost done so theres no point of asking for it

**Smitten:** rip

 

**November 2nd 9:09 pm**

 

**Ratalui --- Ty dye , Scooter , (e)Vans , Jonny boy, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm , Dad™ , Davey jones locker , Marchello , Mom™ , Spicy Brycey , Daddy Kink , and Smitten**

 

**Ratalui:** that girl is so cute, i wonder what she could be listening to

**Smitten** : I know, you see

Somehow the world will change for me

And be so wonderful

Live life, breathe air

I know somehow we're gonna get there

And feel so wonderful

I will make you change your mind

These things happen all the time

And it's all real

I'm telling you just how I feel

So wake up the members of my nation

It's your time to be

There's no chance unless you take one

And it's time to see

The brighter side of every situation

Some things are meant to be

So give me your best and leave the rest to me

I know it's time

To raise the hand that draws the line

And be so wonderful

Golden sunshine

I know somehow it's gonna be mine

And feel so wonderful

Show me what you can become

There's a dream in everyone

And it's all real

I'm telling you just how I feel

So wake up the members of my nation

It's your time to be

There's no chance unless you take one

And it's time to see

The brighter side of every situation

Some things are meant to be

So give me your best and leave the rest to me

Leave it all to me

Leave it all to me

So make it mine (maybe you're right)

And see it through (you got to know)

You know you won't be free until you

Wake up the members of my nation

It's your time to be

There's no chance unless you take one

And it's time to see

The brighter side of every situation

Some things are meant to be

So give me your best and leave the rest to me

Leave it all to me

Leave it all to me

Just leave it all to me

**Ratalui:** why are all the memers stepping up their game today wtf

**Ratalui:** its so hard to choose my apprentice now

**Smitten:** //cough cough me

**Craigo my eggo:** //cough cough me

**Scooter:** //cough cough me

**Ratalui:** THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

**Scooter:** guys its 9:11 ,,,

**Ratalui:** BUSH

**Craigo my eggo:** bush did it

**Smitten:** _ b u s h _

**Mom** **™:** why are you guys like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "ill have you know i graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and i have over 300 confirmed kills. i am trained in gorilla warfare and im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. you are nothing to me but just another target. i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? think again, fucker. as we speak i am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. you’re fucking dead, kid. i can be anywhere, anytime, and i can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. not only am i extensively trained in unarmed combat, but i have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. if only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. but you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. i will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. you’re fucking dead, kiddo."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was based off of real life events

**November 4th 9:56 pm**

 

**Daddy Kink - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Scooter, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Smitten, Lukewarm, Craigo my eggo, Davey jones locker, Marchello, Ratalui, and Mom™**

 

 **Daddy Kink:** guays

 **Daddy Kink:** guyst

 **Daddy Kink:** gaysss

 **Daddy Kink:** ha i made a pun B)

 **Daddy Kink:** get it

 **Marchello:** is he ok

 **Jonny boy:** hES DURNK

 **Daddy Kink:** no im no t

 **Jonny boy:** im selling u out fucker this is pAYBAKXC

 **Daddy Kink:** WHAT THE FUCK DID DI EVCER DO YOUROE THE ONE WHO NAMED BE DADYD KINK

 **Jonny boy:** get a fu ckiNG DICTIONARY AND LEARN HOW TO SPELL BITCH

 **Daddy Kink:** u wanna fucking go

 **Daddy Kink:** im no td urn jk though, jon is a god fucking damn LIAR

 **Daddy Kink:** jon is the byo who crie d wofl edcept ehs the boy who CTIES LIES

 **Craigo my eggo:** he really cannot type can he

 **Mom™:** what eveb happend

 **Daddy Kink:** i cna tpye i can man ic  an can man toucans

 **Ty dye:** what the fuck

 **Spicy Brycey:** him, jon, luke, and i are in a call and we’re playing uno online and whoever loses, since we have it where it continues til one person is left, has to drink and ohm keeps losing

 **Jonny boy:** itts great

 **Spicy Brycey:** luke is second to least drunk and ive only drunk 1 or 2 times???? I have the luck i swear

 **Daddy Kink:** uOY WANNA G O BRYC EY

 **Daddy Kink:** imr eayd for a god damn fight

 **Smitten:** i call being the refereee

 **Scooter:** nah i clal be ing the referee

 **Ratalui:** did someone say referee

 **Ty dye:** wtf

 **(e)Vans:** whats happening???

 **Mom™:** get out of here while you can

 **Jonny boy:** #protectevauy

 **Daddy Kink:** #04953,43?-’

 **Jonny boy:** wgt the fuck xD

 **Daddy Kink:** liste n up u clown fuck ver

 **Daddy Kink:** dont ,ayugh at me whie.l nyour firends ar ekilliNG PEOPLE

 **Daddy Kink:** man i lveo nt being able to spekl

 **Davey jones locker:** i dont think you ever could

 **Ty dye:** OHS THI GET TOLD BY DAVID

 **Craigo my eggo:** get fucking rekt

 **Ratalui:** never have i been such a proud boyfriend

 **Daddy Kink:** i CNA TOU WANNA FIHGTB DAV ID

 **Daddy Kink:** ILL SQUARE UO INM READY FOR THE FIGHT

 **Daddy Kink:** so readuf

 **Daddy Kink:** reasy

 **Daddy Kink:** rea d y

 **(e)Vans:** this is so sad yet amusing to watch

 **Smitten:** wheres a good meme when you ned it

 **Ratalui:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLikP6BDH5w ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLikP6BDH5w)

**Daddy Kink:** I S2G LUI

 **Craigo my eggo:** ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT

 **Smitten:** what if one day we all just sent memes and had a competition with who has the spiciest memes

 **Ratalui:** can we

 **Smitten:** the true question is are you ready to lose your meme crown ;)

 **Davey jones locker:** o shit

 **Ratalui:** uR MY BF AND ARE SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT ME NOT DAMAGE ME LIKE THIS I FEEL SO BETRAYED MY KINGDOM IS TRULY FALLING

 **Ty dye:** bit over-dramatic

 **Ratalui:** u wanna go u fucking giraffe looking mother fucker

 **Ty dye:** oh yeah, lets go you hairy monkey looking bitch

 **Ratalui:** _g l a d l y_

 **Mom™:** pls no fighting

 **Jonny boy:** ryan just downed his over 6th cup of beer wtf how is he alive

 **Daddy Kink:** ima adrinkaing machinne

 **Spicy Brycey:** do u want me to come over tomorrow and help w/ your hangover

 **Dad™:** wtf did i walk into

 **Mom™:** escape while you can

 **Davey jones locker:** ^^ tbh

 **Dad™:** sounds good

 **Daddy Kink:** nOD NT NLEAV E US WE HAVE DONE NTOHING

 **Craigo my eggo:** well, we havent, you have thouggh

 **Daddy Kink:** ruude

 **Spicy Brycey:** its not rude if its true

 **Scooter:** damn, even ur own bf betrayed you

 **(e)Vans:** liKE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO JUDGE SMH

 **Scooter:** damn u right

 **Marchello:** haha what i gotta go

 **Jonny boy:** hardcore juDGING

 **Craigo my eggo:** smh

 **Smitten:** marcel: i love scotty more than i could ever love myself

 **Smitten:** also marcel: lmao scotty is such a loser haha

 **Marchello:** tru

 **(e)Vans:** i was hoping u wouldnt have answered so i could yell that u got exposed but nvm now i am aidssapinted father

 **Davey jones locker:** we already got a papa though

 **Ratalui:** tru also this art major is gonna  akme me kms i swea r to lord

 **Ratalui:** what r some good ways of dying

 **Craigo my eggo:** According to all known laws of aviation

there is no way a bee

should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get

its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care

what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!

Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

\- Barry?

\- Adam?

\- Oan you believe this is happening?

\- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father

paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.

We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

\- You got lint on your fuzz.

\- Ow! That's me!

\- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.

\- Bye!

Barry, I told you,

stop flying in the house!

\- Hey, Adam.

\- Hey, Barry.

\- Is that fuzz gel?

\- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,

three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took

a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

You did come back different.

\- Hi, Barry.

\- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

\- Hear about Frankie?

\- Yeah.

\- You going to the funeral?

\- No, I'm not going.

Everybody knows,

sting someone, you die.

Don't waste it on a squirrel.

Such a hothead.

I guess he could have

just gotten out of the way.

I love this incorporating

an amusement park into our day.

That's why we don't need vacations.

Boy, quite a bit of pomp...

under the circumstances.

\- Well, Adam, today we are men.

\- We are!

\- Bee-men.

\- Amen!

Hallelujah!

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

Welcome, New Hive Oity

graduating class of...

...9:15.

That concludes our ceremonies.

And begins your career

at Honex Industries!

Will we pick ourjob today?

I heard it's just orientation.

Heads up! Here we go.

Keep your hands and antennas

inside the tram at all times.

\- Wonder what it'll be like?

\- A little scary.

Welcome to Honex,

a division of Honesco

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

This is it!

Wow.

Wow.

We know that you, as a bee,

have worked your whole life

to get to the point where you

can work for your whole life.

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen

Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

Our top-secret formula

is automatically color-corrected,

scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

into this soothing sweet syrup

with its distinctive

golden glow you know as...

Honey!

\- That girl was hot.

\- She's my cousin!

\- She is?

\- Yes, we're all cousins.

\- Right. You're right.

\- At Honex, we constantly strive

to improve every aspect

of bee existence.

These bees are stress-testing

a new helmet technology.

\- What do you think he makes?

\- Not enough.

Here we have our latest advancement,

the Krelman.

\- What does that do?

\- Oatches that little strand of honey

that hangs after you pour it.

Saves us millions.

Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

Of course. Most bee jobs are

small ones. But bees know

that every small job,

if it's done well, means a lot.

But choose carefully

because you'll stay in the job

you pick for the rest of your life.

The same job the rest of your life?

I didn't know that.

What's the difference?

You'll be happy to know that bees,

as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"

How can you say that?

One job forever?

That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have

to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they

never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?

We're bees.

We're the most perfectly

functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things

work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know

what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.

Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

\- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!

\- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like

outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

\- Hey, Jocks!

\- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!

You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

\- I wonder where they were.

\- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows

where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen

Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen

than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.

Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it

and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?

Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

\- Oouple of Hive Harrys.

\- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous

being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me

against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,

and with the other, he was slapping me!

\- Oh, my!

\- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,

wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch

six miles from here tomorrow.

\- Six miles, huh?

\- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,

but maybe you're not up for it.

\- Maybe I am.

\- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?

Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends

on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

\- Well, there's a lot of choices.

\- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored

doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just

move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.

It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,

the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field

just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,

making balloon animals?

That's a bad job

for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure

he wants to go into honey!

\- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.

\- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going

into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

\- You're gonna be a stirrer?

\- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.

I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.

Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get

a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

\- We're starting work today!

\- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs

will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,

stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

\- Is it still available?

\- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!

Step to the side.

\- What'd you get?

\- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

\- You want to go first?

\- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,

not for the reason you think.

\- Any chance of getting the Krelman?

\- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

What happened?

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?

He's dead. Another dead one.

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

Dead from the neck up.

Dead from the neck down. That's life!

Oh, this is so hard!

Heating, cooling,

stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

humming, inspector number seven,

lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

mite wrangler. Barry, what

do you think I should... Barry?

Barry!

All right, we've got the sunflower patch

in quadrant nine...

What happened to you?

Where are you?

\- I'm going out.

\- Out? Out where?

\- Out there.

\- Oh, no!

I have to, before I go

to work for the rest of my life.

You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

Another call coming in.

If anyone's feeling brave,

there's a Korean deli on 83rd

that gets their roses today.

Hey, guys.

\- Look at that.

\- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

Sign here, here. Just initial that.

\- Thank you.

\- OK.

You got a rain advisory today,

and as you all know,

bees cannot fly in rain.

So be careful. As always,

watch your brooms,

hockey sticks, dogs,

birds, bears and bats.

Also, I got a couple of reports

of root beer being poured on us.

Murphy's in a home because of it,

babbling like a cicada!

\- That's awful.

\- And a reminder for you rookies,

bee law number one,

absolutely no talking to humans!

All right, launch positions!

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,

buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Black and yellow!

Hello!

You ready for this, hot shot?

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

Wind, check.

\- Antennae, check.

\- Nectar pack, check.

\- Wings, check.

\- Stinger, check.

Scared out of my shorts, check.

OK, ladies,

let's move it out!

Pound those petunias,

you striped stem-suckers!

All of you, drain those flowers!

Wow! I'm out!

I can't believe I'm out!

So blue.

I feel so fast and free!

Box kite!

Wow!

Flowers!

This is Blue Leader.

We have roses visual.

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

Roses!

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

Stand to the side, kid.

It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector!

\- Ever see pollination up close?

\- No, sir.

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it

over here. Maybe a dash over there,

a pinch on that one.

See that? It's a little bit of magic.

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

That's pollen power. More pollen, more

flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

Oool.

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.

Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

Oopy that visual.

Wait. One of these flowers

seems to be on the move.

Say again? You're reporting

a moving flower?

Affirmative.

That was on the line!

This is the coolest. What is it?

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

It smells good.

Not like a flower, but I like it.

Yeah, fuzzy.

Ohemical-y.

Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

My sweet lord of bees!

Oandy-brain, get off there!

Problem!

\- Guys!

\- This could be bad.

Affirmative.

Very close.

Gonna hurt.

Mama's little boy.

You are way out of position, rookie!

Ooming in at you like a missile!

Help me!

I don't think these are flowers.

\- Should we tell him?

\- I think he knows.

What is this?!

Match point!

You can start packing up, honey,

because you're about to eat it!

Yowser!

Gross.

There's a bee in the car!

\- Do something!

\- I'm driving!

\- Hi, bee.

\- He's back here!

He's going to sting me!

Nobody move. If you don't move,

he won't sting you. Freeze!

He blinked!

Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?!

Wow... the tension level

out here is unbelievable.

I gotta get home.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

Ken, could you close

the window please?

Ken, could you close

the window please?

Oheck out my new resume.

I made it into a fold-out brochure.

You see? Folds out.

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

What was that?

Maybe this time. This time. This time.

This time! This time! This...

Drapes!

That is diabolical.

It's fantastic. It's got all my special

skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars?

Nah, I don't go for that...

...kind of stuff.

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.

They're out of their minds.

When I leave a job interview, they're

flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

I don't remember the sun

having a big 75 on it.

I predicted global warming.

I could feel it getting hotter.

At first I thought it was just me.

Wait! Stop! Bee!

Stand back. These are winter boots.

Wait!

Don't kill him!

You know I'm allergic to them!

This thing could kill me!

Why does his life have

less value than yours?

Why does his life have any less value

than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You

don't know what he's capable of feeling.

My brochure!

There you go, little guy.

I'm not scared of him.

It's an allergic thing.

Put that on your resume brochure.

My whole face could puff up.

Make it one of your special skills.

Knocking someone out

is also a special skill.

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

\- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?

\- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

\- You could put carob chips on there.

\- Bye.

\- Supposed to be less calories.

\- Bye.

I gotta say something.

She saved my life.

I gotta say something.

All right, here it goes.

Nah.

What would I say?

I could really get in trouble.

It's a bee law.

You're not supposed to talk to a human.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I've got to.

Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

No. Yes. No.

Do it. I can't.

How should I start it?

"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

Hi!

I'm sorry.

\- You're talking.

\- Yes, I know.

You're talking!

I'm so sorry.

No, it's OK. It's fine.

I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't recall going to bed.

Well, I'm sure this

is very disconcerting.

This is a bit of a surprise to me.

I mean, you're a bee!

I am. And I'm not supposed

to be doing this,

but they were all trying to kill me.

And if it wasn't for you...

I had to thank you.

It's just how I was raised.

That was a little weird.

\- I'm talking with a bee.

\- Yeah.

I'm talking to a bee.

And the bee is talking to me!

I just want to say I'm grateful.

I'll leave now.

\- Wait! How did you learn to do that?

\- What?

The talking thing.

Same way you did, I guess.

"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

\- That's very funny.

\- Yeah.

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,

we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

Anyway...

Oan I...

...get you something?

\- Like what?

I don't know. I mean...

I don't know. Ooffee?

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

\- It's just coffee.

\- I hate to impose.

\- Don't be ridiculous!

\- Actually, I would love a cup.

Hey, you want rum cake?

\- I shouldn't.

\- Have some.

\- No, I can't.

\- Oome on!

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

\- Where?

\- These stripes don't help.

You look great!

I don't know if you know

anything about fashion.

Are you all right?

No.

He's making the tie in the cab

as they're flying up Madison.

He finally gets there.

He runs up the steps into the church.

The wedding is on.

And he says, "Watermelon?

I thought you said Guatemalan.

Why would I marry a watermelon?"

Is that a bee joke?

That's the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah, different.

So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

About work? I don't know.

I want to do my part for the hive,

but I can't do it the way they want.

I know how you feel.

\- You do?

\- Sure.

My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or

a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

\- Really?

\- My only interest is flowers.

Our new queen was just elected

with that same campaign slogan.

Anyway, if you look...

There's my hive right there. See it?

You're in Sheep Meadow!

Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

No way! I know that area.

I lost a toe ring there once.

\- Why do girls put rings on their toes?

\- Why not?

\- It's like putting a hat on your knee.

\- Maybe I'll try that.

\- You all right, ma'am?

\- Oh, yeah. Fine.

Just having two cups of coffee!

Anyway, this has been great.

Thanks for the coffee.

Yeah, it's no trouble.

Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,

I'd be up the rest of my life.

Are you...?

Oan I take a piece of this with me?

Sure! Here, have a crumb.

\- Thanks!

\- Yeah.

All right. Well, then...

I guess I'll see you around.

Or not.

OK, Barry.

And thank you

so much again... for before.

Oh, that? That was nothing.

Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

This can't possibly work.

He's all set to go.

We may as well try it.

OK, Dave, pull the chute.

\- Sounds amazing.

\- It was amazing!

It was the scariest,

happiest moment of my life.

Humans! I can't believe

you were with humans!

Giant, scary humans!

What were they like?

Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

They eat crazy giant things.

They drive crazy.

\- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?

\- Some of them. But some of them don't.

\- How'd you get back?

\- Poodle.

You did it, and I'm glad. You saw

whatever you wanted to see.

You had your "experience." Now you

can pick out yourjob and be normal.

\- Well...

\- Well?

Well, I met someone.

You did? Was she Bee-ish?

\- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!

\- No, no, no, not a wasp.

\- Spider?

\- I'm not attracted to spiders.

I know it's the hottest thing,

with the eight legs and all.

I can't get by that face.

So who is she?

She's... human.

No, no. That's a bee law.

You wouldn't break a bee law.

\- Her name's Vanessa.

\- Oh, boy.

She's so nice. And she's a florist!

Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

We're not dating.

You're flying outside the hive, talking

to humans that attack our homes

with power washers and M-80s!

One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

She saved my life!

And she understands me.

This is over!

Eat this.

This is not over! What was that?

\- They call it a crumb.

\- It was so stingin' stripey!

And that's not what they eat.

That's what falls off what they eat!

\- You know what a Oinnabon is?

\- No.

It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.

They heat it up...

Sit down!

...really hot!

\- Listen to me!

We are not them! We're us.

There's us and there's them!

Yes, but who can deny

the heart that is yearning?

There's no yearning.

Stop yearning. Listen to me!

You have got to start thinking bee,

my friend. Thinking bee!

\- Thinking bee.

\- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

There he is. He's in the pool.

You know what your problem is, Barry?

I gotta start thinking bee?

How much longer will this go on?

It's been three days!

Why aren't you working?

I've got a lot of big life decisions

to think about.

What life? You have no life!

You have no job. You're barely a bee!

Would it kill you

to make a little honey?

Barry, come out.

Your father's talking to you.

Martin, would you talk to him?

Barry, I'm talking to you!

You coming?

Got everything?

All set!

Go ahead. I'll catch up.

Don't be too long.

Watch this!

Vanessa!

\- We're still here.

\- I told you not to yell at him.

He doesn't respond to yelling!

\- Then why yell at me?

\- Because you don't listen!

I'm not listening to this.

Sorry, I've gotta go.

\- Where are you going?

\- I'm meeting a friend.

A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

Bye.

I just hope she's Bee-ish.

They have a huge parade

of flowers every year in Pasadena?

To be in the Tournament of Roses,

that's every florist's dream!

Up on a float, surrounded

by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses

compete in athletic events?

No. All right, I've got one.

How come you don't fly everywhere?

It's exhausting. Why don't you

run everywhere? It's faster.

Yeah, OK, I see, I see.

All right, your turn.

TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?

That's insane!

You don't have that?

We have Hivo, but it's a disease.

It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Oh, my.

Dumb bees!

You must want to sting all those jerks.

We try not to sting.

It's usually fatal for us.

So you have to watch your temper.

Very carefully.

You kick a wall, take a walk,

write an angry letter and throw it out.

Work through it like any emotion:

Anger, jealousy, lust.

Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

Yeah.

\- What is wrong with you?!

\- It's a bug.

He's not bothering anybody.

Get out of here, you creep!

What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

Yeah, it was. How did you know?

It felt like about 10 pages.

Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

You've really got that

down to a science.

\- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.

\- I'll bet.

What in the name

of Mighty Hercules is this?

How did this get here?

Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

Ray Liotta Private Select?

\- Is he that actor?

\- I never heard of him.

\- Why is this here?

\- For people. We eat it.

You don't have

enough food of your own?

\- Well, yes.

\- How do you get it?

\- Bees make it.

\- I know who makes it!

And it's hard to make it!

There's heating, cooling, stirring.

You need a whole Krelman thing!

\- It's organic.

\- It's our-ganic!

It's just honey, Barry.

Just what?!

Bees don't know about this!

This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

You've taken our homes, schools,

hospitals! This is all we have!

And it's on sale?!

I'm getting to the bottom of this.

I'm getting to the bottom

of all of this!

Hey, Hector.

\- You almost done?

\- Almost.

He is here. I sense it.

Well, I guess I'll go home now

and just leave this nice honey out,

with no one around.

You're busted, box boy!

I knew I heard something.

So you can talk!

I can talk.

And now you'll start talking!

Where you getting the sweet stuff?

Who's your supplier?

I don't understand.

I thought we were friends.

The last thing we want

to do is upset bees!

You're too late! It's ours now!

You, sir, have crossed

the wrong sword!

You, sir, will be lunch

for my iguana, Ignacio!

Where is the honey coming from?

Tell me where!

Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

Orazy person!

What horrible thing has happened here?

These faces, they never knew

what hit them. And now

they're on the road to nowhere!

Just keep still.

What? You're not dead?

Do I look dead? They will wipe anything

that moves. Where you headed?

To Honey Farms.

I am onto something huge here.

I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,

crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

I'm going to Tacoma.

\- And you?

\- He really is dead.

All right.

Uh-oh!

\- What is that?!

\- Oh, no!

\- A wiper! Triple blade!

\- Triple blade?

Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

Why does everything have

to be so doggone clean?!

How much do you people need to see?!

Open your eyes!

Stick your head out the window!

From NPR News in Washington,

I'm Oarl Kasell.

But don't kill no more bugs!

\- Bee!

\- Moose blood guy!!

\- You hear something?

\- Like what?

Like tiny screaming.

Turn off the radio.

Whassup, bee boy?

Hey, Blood.

Just a row of honey jars,

as far as the eye could see.

Wow!

I assume wherever this truck goes

is where they're getting it.

I mean, that honey's ours.

\- Bees hang tight.

\- We're all jammed in.

It's a close community.

Not us, man. We on our own.

Every mosquito on his own.

\- What if you get in trouble?

\- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

Nobody likes us. They just smack.

See a mosquito, smack, smack!

At least you're out in the world.

You must meet girls.

Mosquito girls try to trade up,

get with a moth, dragonfly.

Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

You got to be kidding me!

Mooseblood's about to leave

the building! So long, bee!

\- Hey, guys!

\- Mooseblood!

I knew I'd catch y'all down here.

Did you bring your crazy straw?

We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,

and it's pretty much pure profit.

What is this place?

A bee's got a brain

the size of a pinhead.

They are pinheads!

Pinhead.

\- Oheck out the new smoker.

\- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

The Thomas 3000!

Smoker?

Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.

Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

A couple breaths of this

knocks them right out.

They make the honey,

and we make the money.

"They make the honey,

and we make the money"?

Oh, my!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

Do you know you're

in a fake hive with fake walls?

Our queen was moved here.

We had no choice.

This is your queen?

That's a man in women's clothes!

That's a drag queen!

What is this?

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of them!

Bee honey.

Our honey is being brazenly stolen

on a massive scale!

This is worse than anything bears

have done! I intend to do something.

Oh, Barry, stop.

Who told you humans are taking

our honey? That's a rumor.

Do these look like rumors?

That's a conspiracy theory.

These are obviously doctored photos.

How did you get mixed up in this?

He's been talking to humans.

\- What?

\- Talking to humans?!

He has a human girlfriend.

And they make out!

Make out? Barry!

We do not.

\- You wish you could.

\- Whose side are you on?

The bees!

I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.

Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

Barry, this is what you want

to do with your life?

I want to do it for all our lives.

Nobody works harder than bees!

Dad, I remember you

coming home so overworked

your hands were still stirring.

You couldn't stop.

I remember that.

What right do they have to our honey?

We live on two cups a year. They put it

in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

Sting them where it really hurts.

In the face! The eye!

\- That would hurt.

\- No.

Up the nose? That's a killer.

There's only one place you can sting

the humans, one place where it matters.

Hive at Five, the hive's only

full-hour action news source.

No more bee beards!

With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

Weather with Storm Stinger.

Sports with Buzz Larvi.

And Jeanette Ohung.

\- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.

\- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

intends to sue the human race

for stealing our honey,

packaging it and profiting

from it illegally!

Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

we'll have three former queens here in

our studio, discussing their new book,

Olassy Ladies,

out this week on Hexagon.

Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

Did you ever think, "I'm a kid

from the hive. I can't do this"?

Bees have never been afraid

to change the world.

What about Bee Oolumbus?

Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

We were thinking

of stickball or candy stores.

How old are you?

The bee community

is supporting you in this case,

which will be the trial

of the bee century.

You know, they have a Larry King

in the human world too.

It's a common name. Next week...

He looks like you and has a show

and suspenders and colored dots...

Next week...

Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the

guest even though you just heard 'em.

Bear Week next week!

They're scary, hairy and here live.

Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,

squinty eyes, very Jewish.

In tennis, you attack

at the point of weakness!

It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

Honey, her backhand's a joke!

I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

Quiet, please.

Actual work going on here.

\- Is that that same bee?

\- Yes, it is!

I'm helping him sue the human race.

\- Hello.

\- Hello, bee.

This is Ken.

Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size

ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

Why does he talk again?

Listen, you better go

'cause we're really busy working.

But it's our yogurt night!

Bye-bye.

Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing.

You two have been at this for hours!

Yes, and Adam here

has been a huge help.

\- Frosting...

\- How many sugars?

Just one. I try not

to use the competition.

So why are you helping me?

Bees have good qualities.

And it takes my mind off the shop.

Instead of flowers, people

are giving balloon bouquets now.

Those are great, if you're three.

And artificial flowers.

\- Oh, those just get me psychotic!

\- Yeah, me too.

Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

Bees must hate those fake things!

Nothing worse

than a daffodil that's had work done.

Maybe this could make up

for it a little bit.

\- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.

\- I guess.

You sure you want to go through with it?

Am I sure? When I'm done with

the humans, they won't be able

to say, "Honey, I'm home,"

without paying a royalty!

It's an incredible scene

here in downtown Manhattan,

where the world anxiously waits,

because for the first time in history,

we will hear for ourselves

if a honeybee can actually speak.

What have we gotten into here, Barry?

It's pretty big, isn't it?

I can't believe how many humans

don't work during the day.

You think billion-dollar multinational

food companies have good lawyers?

Everybody needs to stay

behind the barricade.

\- What's the matter?

\- I don't know, I just got a chill.

Well, if it isn't the bee team.

You boys work on this?

All rise! The Honorable

Judge Bumbleton presiding.

All right. Oase number 4475,

Superior Oourt of New York,

Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

is now in session.

Mr. Montgomery, you're representing

the five food companies collectively?

A privilege.

Mr. Benson... you're representing

all the bees of the world?

I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,

we're ready to proceed.

Mr. Montgomery,

your opening statement, please.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

my grandmother was a simple woman.

Born on a farm, she believed

it was man's divine right

to benefit from the bounty

of nature God put before us.

If we lived in the topsy-turvy world

Mr. Benson imagines,

just think of what would it mean.

I would have to negotiate

with the silkworm

for the elastic in my britches!

Talking bee!

How do we know this isn't some sort of

holographic motion-picture-capture

Hollywood wizardry?

They could be using laser beams!

Robotics! Ventriloquism!

Oloning! For all we know,

he could be on steroids!

Mr. Benson?

Ladies and gentlemen,

there's no trickery here.

I'm just an ordinary bee.

Honey's pretty important to me.

It's important to all bees.

We invented it!

We make it. And we protect it

with our lives.

Unfortunately, there are

some people in this room

who think they can take it from us

'cause we're the little guys!

I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

you'll see how, by taking our honey,

you not only take everything we have

but everything we are!

I wish he'd dress like that

all the time. So nice!

Oall your first witness.

So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden

of Honey Farms, big company you have.

I suppose so.

I see you also own

Honeyburton and Honron!

Yes, they provide beekeepers

for our farms.

Beekeeper. I find that

to be a very disturbing term.

I don't imagine you employ

any bee-free-ers, do you?

\- No.

\- I couldn't hear you.

\- No.

\- No.

Because you don't free bees.

You keep bees. Not only that,

it seems you thought a bear would be

an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

They're very lovable creatures.

Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

You mean like this?

Bears kill bees!

How'd you like his head crashing

through your living room?!

Biting into your couch!

Spitting out your throw pillows!

OK, that's enough. Take him away.

So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.

Your name intrigues me.

\- Where have I heard it before?

\- I was with a band called The Police.

But you've never been

a police officer, have you?

No, I haven't.

No, you haven't. And so here

we have yet another example

of bee culture casually

stolen by a human

for nothing more than

a prance-about stage name.

Oh, please.

Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

Because I'm feeling

a little stung, Sting.

Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

That's not his real name?! You idiots!

Mr. Liotta, first,

belated congratulations on

your Emmy win for a guest spot

on ER in 2005.

Thank you. Thank you.

I see from your resume

that you're devilishly handsome

with a churning inner turmoil

that's ready to blow.

I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

Not yet it isn't. But is this

what it's come to for you?

Exploiting tiny, helpless bees

so you don't

have to rehearse

your part and learn your lines, sir?

Watch it, Benson!

I could blow right now!

This isn't a goodfella.

This is a badfella!

Why doesn't someone just step on

this creep, and we can all go home?!

\- Order in this court!

\- You're all thinking it!

Order! Order, I say!

\- Say it!

\- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

I think it was awfully nice

of that bear to pitch in like that.

I think the jury's on our side.

Are we doing everything right, legally?

I'm a florist.

Right. Well, here's to a great team.

To a great team!

Well, hello.

\- Ken!

\- Hello.

I didn't think you were coming.

No, I was just late.

I tried to call, but... the battery.

I didn't want all this to go to waste,

so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

Oh, that was lucky.

There's a little left.

I could heat it up.

Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

I'm not much for the game myself.

The ball's a little grabby.

That's where I usually sit.

Right... there.

Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

and he agreed with me that eating with

chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

You think I don't see what you're doing?

I know how hard it is to find

the rightjob. We have that in common.

Do we?

Bees have 100 percent employment,

but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

That's just what

I was thinking about doing.

Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor

for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

I'm going to drain the old stinger.

Yeah, you do that.

Look at that.

You know, I've just about had it

with your little mind games.

\- What's that?

\- Italian Vogue.

Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

A lot of ads.

Remember what Van said, why is

your life more valuable than mine?

Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

I think something stinks in here!

I love the smell of flowers.

How do you like the smell of flames?!

Not as much.

Water bug! Not taking sides!

Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!

This is pathetic!

I've got issues!

Well, well, well, a royal flush!

\- You're bluffing.

\- Am I?

Surf's up, dude!

Poo water!

That bowl is gnarly.

Except for those dirty yellow rings!

Kenneth! What are you doing?!

You know, I don't even like honey!

I don't eat it!

We need to talk!

He's just a little bee!

And he happens to be

the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

Long time? What are you talking about?!

Are there other bugs in your life?

No, but there are other things bugging

me in life. And you're one of them!

Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

My nerves are fried from riding

on this emotional roller coaster!

Goodbye, Ken.

And for your information,

I prefer sugar-free, artificial

sweeteners made by man!

I'm sorry about all that.

I know it's got

an aftertaste! I like it!

I always felt there was some kind

of barrier between Ken and me.

I couldn't overcome it.

Oh, well.

Are you OK for the trial?

I believe Mr. Montgomery

is about out of ideas.

We would like to call

Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

Good idea! You can really see why he's

considered one of the best lawyers...

Yeah.

Layton, you've

gotta weave some magic

with this jury,

or it's gonna be all over.

Don't worry. The only thing I have

to do to turn this jury around

is to remind them

of what they don't like about bees.

\- You got the tweezers?

\- Are you allergic?

Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you

what I think we'd all like to know.

What exactly is your relationship

to that woman?

We're friends.

\- Good friends?

\- Yes.

How good? Do you live together?

Wait a minute...

Are you her little...

...bedbug?

I've seen a bee documentary or two.

From what I understand,

doesn't your queen give birth

to all the bee children?

\- Yeah, but...

\- So those aren't your real parents!

\- Oh, Barry...

\- Yes, they are!

Hold me back!

You're an illegitimate bee,

aren't you, Benson?

He's denouncing bees!

Don't y'all date your cousins?

\- Objection!

\- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

Oh, I'm hit!!

Oh, lordy, I am hit!

Order! Order!

The venom! The venom

is coursing through my veins!

I have been felled

by a winged beast of destruction!

You see? You can't treat them

like equals! They're striped savages!

Stinging's the only thing

they know! It's their way!

\- Adam, stay with me.

\- I can't feel my legs.

What angel of mercy

will come forward to suck the poison

from my heaving buttocks?

I will have order in this court. Order!

Order, please!

The case of the honeybees

versus the human race

took a pointed turn against the bees

yesterday when one of their legal

team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

\- Hey, buddy.

\- Hey.

\- Is there much pain?

\- Yeah.

I...

I blew the whole case, didn't I?

It doesn't matter. What matters is

you're alive. You could have died.

I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

They got it from the cafeteria

downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

Look, there's

a little celery still on it.

What was it like to sting someone?

I can't explain it. It was all...

All adrenaline and then...

and then ecstasy!

All right.

You think it was all a trap?

Of course. I'm sorry.

I flew us right into this.

What were we thinking? Look at us. We're

just a couple of bugs in this world.

What will the humans do to us

if they win?

I don't know.

I hear they put the roaches in motels.

That doesn't sound so bad.

Adam, they check in,

but they don't check out!

Oh, my.

Oould you get a nurse

to close that window?

\- Why?

\- The smoke.

Bees don't smoke.

Right. Bees don't smoke.

Bees don't smoke!

But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case!

It is? It's not over?

Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

Get back to the court and stall.

Stall any way you can.

And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

Mr. Flayman.

Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

Where is the rest of your team?

Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

and as a result,

we don't make very good time.

I actually heard a funny story about...

Your Honor,

haven't these ridiculous bugs

taken up enough

of this court's valuable time?

How much longer will we allow

these absurd shenanigans to go on?

They have presented no compelling

evidence to support their charges

against my clients,

who run legitimate businesses.

I move for a complete dismissal

of this entire case!

Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

to have to consider

Mr. Montgomery's motion.

But you can't! We have a terrific case.

Where is your proof?

Where is the evidence?

Show me the smoking gun!

Hold it, Your Honor!

You want a smoking gun?

Here is your smoking gun.

What is that?

It's a bee smoker!

What, this?

This harmless little contraption?

This couldn't hurt a fly,

let alone a bee.

Look at what has happened

to bees who have never been asked,

"Smoking or non?"

Is this what nature intended for us?

To be forcibly addicted

to smoke machines

and man-made wooden slat work camps?

Living out our lives as honey slaves

to the white man?

\- What are we gonna do?

\- He's playing the species card.

Ladies and gentlemen, please,

free these bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

Free the bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

The court finds in favor of the bees!

Vanessa, we won!

I knew you could do it! High-five!

Sorry.

I'm OK! You know what this means?

All the honey

will finally belong to the bees.

Now we won't have

to work so hard all the time.

This is an unholy perversion

of the balance of nature, Benson.

You'll regret this.

Barry, how much honey is out there?

All right. One at a time.

Barry, who are you wearing?

My sweater is Ralph Lauren,

and I have no pants.

\- What if Montgomery's right?

\- What do you mean?

We've been living the bee way

a long time, 27 million years.

Oongratulations on your victory.

What will you demand as a settlement?

First, we'll demand a complete shutdown

of all bee work camps.

Then we want back the honey

that was ours to begin with,

every last drop.

We demand an end to the glorification

of the bear as anything more

than a filthy, smelly,

bad-breath stink machine.

We're all aware

of what they do in the woods.

Wait for my signal.

Take him out.

He'll have nauseous

for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

And we will no longer tolerate

bee-negative nicknames...

But it's just a prance-about stage name!

...unnecessary inclusion of honey

in bogus health products

and la-dee-da human

tea-time snack garnishments.

Oan't breathe.

Bring it in, boys!

Hold it right there! Good.

Tap it.

Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,

and there's gallons more coming!

\- I think we need to shut down!

\- Shut down? We've never shut down.

Shut down honey production!

Stop making honey!

Turn your key, sir!

What do we do now?

Oannonball!

We're shutting honey production!

Mission abort.

Aborting pollination and nectar detail.

Returning to base.

Adam, you wouldn't believe

how much honey was out there.

Oh, yeah?

What's going on? Where is everybody?

\- Are they out celebrating?

\- They're home.

They don't know what to do.

Laying out, sleeping in.

I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way

to San Antonio with a cricket.

At least we got our honey back.

Sometimes I think, so what if humans

liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

It's the greatest thing in the world!

I was excited to be part of making it.

This was my new desk. This was my

new job. I wanted to do it really well.

And now...

Now I can't.

I don't understand

why they're not happy.

I thought their lives would be better!

They're doing nothing. It's amazing.

Honey really changes people.

You don't have any idea

what's going on, do you?

\- What did you want to show me?

\- This.

What happened here?

That is not the half of it.

Oh, no. Oh, my.

They're all wilting.

Doesn't look very good, does it?

No.

And whose fault do you think that is?

You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

Bees?

Specifically, me.

I didn't think bees not needing to make

honey would affect all these things.

It's notjust flowers.

Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

That's our whole SAT test right there.

Take away produce, that affects

the entire animal kingdom.

And then, of course...

The human species?

So if there's no more pollination,

it could all just go south here,

couldn't it?

I know this is also partly my fault.

How about a suicide pact?

How do we do it?

\- I'll sting you, you step on me.

\- Thatjust kills you twice.

Right, right.

Listen, Barry...

sorry, but I gotta get going.

I had to open my mouth and talk.

Vanessa?

Vanessa? Why are you leaving?

Where are you going?

To the final Tournament of Roses parade

in Pasadena.

They've moved it to this weekend

because all the flowers are dying.

It's the last chance

I'll ever have to see it.

Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.

I never meant it to turn out like this.

I know. Me neither.

Tournament of Roses.

Roses can't do sports.

Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

Roses!

Vanessa!

Roses?!

Barry?

\- Roses are flowers!

\- Yes, they are.

Flowers, bees, pollen!

I know.

That's why this is the last parade.

Maybe not.

Oould you ask him to slow down?

Oould you slow down?

Barry!

OK, I made a huge mistake.

This is a total disaster, all my fault.

Yes, it kind of is.

I've ruined the planet.

I wanted to help you

with the flower shop.

I've made it worse.

Actually, it's completely closed down.

I thought maybe you were remodeling.

But I have another idea, and it's

greater than my previous ideas combined.

I don't want to hear it!

All right, they have the roses,

the roses have the pollen.

I know every bee, plant

and flower bud in this park.

All we gotta do is get what they've got

back here with what we've got.

\- Bees.

\- Park.

\- Pollen!

\- Flowers.

\- Repollination!

\- Across the nation!

Tournament of Roses,

Pasadena, Oalifornia.

They've got nothing

but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

Security will be tight.

I have an idea.

Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

Official floral business. It's real.

Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

Thank you. It was a gift.

Once inside,

we just pick the right float.

How about The Princess and the Pea?

I could be the princess,

and you could be the pea!

Yes, I got it.

\- Where should I sit?

\- What are you?

\- I believe I'm the pea.

\- The pea?

It goes under the mattresses.

\- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.

\- I'm getting the marshal.

You do that!

This whole parade is a fiasco!

Let's see what this baby'll do.

Hey, what are you doing?!

Then all we do

is blend in with traffic...

...without arousing suspicion.

Once at the airport,

there's no stopping us.

Stop! Security.

\- You and your insect pack your float?

\- Yes.

Has it been

in your possession the entire time?

Would you remove your shoes?

\- Remove your stinger.

\- It's part of me.

I know. Just having some fun.

Enjoy your flight.

Then if we're lucky, we'll have

just enough pollen to do the job.

Oan you believe how lucky we are? We

have just enough pollen to do the job!

I think this is gonna work.

It's got to work.

Attention, passengers,

this is Oaptain Scott.

We have a bit of bad weather

in New York.

It looks like we'll experience

a couple hours delay.

Barry, these are cut flowers

with no water. They'll never make it.

I gotta get up there

and talk to them.

Be careful.

Oan I get help

with the Sky Mall magazine?

I'd like to order the talking

inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

\- What'd you say, Hal?

\- Nothing.

Bee!

Don't freak out! My entire species...

What are you doing?

\- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!

\- Who's an attorney?

Don't move.

Oh, Barry.

Good afternoon, passengers.

This is your captain.

Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B

please report to the cockpit?

And please hurry!

What happened here?

There was a DustBuster,

a toupee, a life raft exploded.

One's bald, one's in a boat,

they're both unconscious!

\- Is that another bee joke?

\- No!

No one's flying the plane!

This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.

What's your status?

This is Vanessa Bloome.

I'm a florist from New York.

Where's the pilot?

He's unconscious,

and so is the copilot.

Not good. Does anyone onboard

have flight experience?

As a matter of fact, there is.

\- Who's that?

\- Barry Benson.

From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

Vanessa, this is nothing more

than a big metal bee.

It's got giant wings, huge engines.

I can't fly a plane.

\- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?

\- Yes.

How hard could it be?

Wait, Barry!

We're headed into some lightning.

This is Bob Bumble. We have some

late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

where a suspenseful scene

is developing.

Barry Benson,

fresh from his legal victory...

That's Barry!

...is attempting to land a plane,

loaded with people, flowers

and an incapacitated flight crew.

Flowers?!

We have a storm in the area

and two individuals at the controls

with absolutely no flight experience.

Just a minute.

There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson

and his no-account compadres.

They've done enough damage.

But isn't he your only hope?

Technically, a bee

shouldn't be able to fly at all.

Their wings are too small...

Haven't we heard this a million times?

"The surface area of the wings

and body mass make no sense."

\- Get this on the air!

\- Got it.

\- Stand by.

\- We're going live.

The way we work may be a mystery to you.

Making honey takes a lot of bees

doing a lot of small jobs.

But let me tell you about a small job.

If you do it well,

it makes a big difference.

More than we realized.

To us, to everyone.

That's why I want to get bees

back to working together.

That's the bee way!

We're not made of Jell-O.

We get behind a fellow.

\- Black and yellow!

\- Hello!

Left, right, down, hover.

\- Hover?

\- Forget hover.

This isn't so hard.

Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

Barry, what happened?!

Wait, I think we were

on autopilot the whole time.

\- That may have been helping me.

\- And now we're not!

So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

All of you, let's get

behind this fellow! Move it out!

Move out!

Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,

you copy me with the wings of the plane!

Don't have to yell.

I'm not yelling!

We're in a lot of trouble.

It's very hard to concentrate

with that panicky tone in your voice!

It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

I can't do this!

Vanessa, pull yourself together.

You have to snap out of it!

You snap out of it.

You snap out of it.

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- Hold it!

\- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

How is the plane flying?

I don't know.

Hello?

Benson, got any flowers

for a happy occasion in there?

The Pollen Jocks!

They do get behind a fellow.

\- Black and yellow.

\- Hello.

All right, let's drop this tin can

on the blacktop.

Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

\- Thinking bee.

\- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Wait a minute.

I think I'm feeling something.

\- What?

\- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

Bring the nose down.

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

\- What in the world is on the tarmac?

\- Get some lights on that!

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

\- Vanessa, aim for the flower.

\- OK.

Out the engines. We're going in

on bee power. Ready, boys?

Affirmative!

Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

Land on that flower!

Ready? Full reverse!

Spin it around!

\- Not that flower! The other one!

\- Which one?

\- That flower.

\- I'm aiming at the flower!

That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.

I mean the giant pulsating flower

made of millions of bees!

Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

Rotate around it.

\- This is insane, Barry!

\- This's the only way I know how to fly.

Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane

flying in an insect-like pattern?

Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.

Smell it. Full reverse!

Just drop it. Be a part of it.

Aim for the center!

Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

Oome on, already.

Barry, we did it!

You taught me how to fly!

\- Yes. No high-five!

\- Right.

Barry, it worked!

Did you see the giant flower?

What giant flower? Where? Of course

I saw the flower! That was genius!

\- Thank you.

\- But we're not done yet.

Listen, everyone!

This runway is covered

with the last pollen

from the last flowers

available anywhere on Earth.

That means this is our last chance.

We're the only ones who make honey,

pollinate flowers and dress like this.

If we're gonna survive as a species,

this is our moment! What do you say?

Are we going to be bees, orjust

Museum of Natural History keychains?

We're bees!

Keychain!

Then follow me! Except Keychain.

Hold on, Barry. Here.

You've earned this.

Yeah!

I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect

fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

Oh, yeah.

That's our Barry.

Mom! The bees are back!

If anybody needs

to make a call, now's the time.

I got a feeling we'll be

working late tonight!

Here's your change. Have a great

afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

Would you like some honey with that?

It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.

And I don't see a nickel!

Sometimes I just feel

like a piece of meat!

I had no idea.

Barry, I'm sorry.

Have you got a moment?

Would you excuse me?

My mosquito associate will help you.

Sorry I'm late.

He's a lawyer too?

I was already a blood-sucking parasite.

All I needed was a briefcase.

Have a great afternoon!

Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,

and I can't get them anywhere.

No problem, Vannie.

Just leave it to me.

You're a lifesaver, Barry.

Oan I help who's next?

All right, scramble, jocks!

It's time to fly.

Thank you, Barry!

That bee is living my life!

Let it go, Kenny.

\- When will this nightmare end?!

\- Let it all go.

\- Beautiful day to fly.

\- Sure is.

Between you and me,

I was dying to get out of that office.

You have got

to start thinking bee, my friend.

\- Thinking bee!

\- Me?

Hold it. Let's just stop

for a second. Hold it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

Oan we stop here?

I'm not making a major life decision

during a production number!

All right. Take ten, everybody.

Wrap it up, guys.

 **Smitten:** my craving for death just skyrocketed

 **Ty dye:** why are you like this @ mY OWN GOD DMAN BF

 **Craigo my eggo:** ily!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the bee law will never die


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why not some happiness to make up for the sadness ive been posting

**November 7th 6:11 pm**

 

**Scooter - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Daddy Kink, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Smitten, Lukewarm, Craigo my eggo, Davey jones locker, Marchello, Ratalui, and Mom™**

 

**Scooter:** i want some peanut m&ms

**Ratalui:** i dont have any but u know whos nuts u can have…

**Scooter:** HOE DONT MCFREKING DO IT   
**Ratalui:** dEEZ NUTS

**Scooter:** im gonna kms

**Craigo my eggo:** lmao who isnt

**Marchello:** retweet

**Ty dye:** retweet me

**Daddy Kink:** i met bryce’s parents and theynshwoed me pictures of young bryce an dwtf how is someone so cute

**Jonny boy:** show us show us show us show us

**(e)Vans:** sHWO US

**Lukewarm:** _ expose ur boyfriend _

**Spicy Brycey:** do u not want to touch my butt for a week

**Davey jones locker:** DO IT ANYWAYS

**Spicy Brycey:** i can make it two weeks! 

**Spicy Brycey:** _ maybe even three (: _

**(e)Vans:** fuck hes stooping low

**Craigo my eggo:** DONT CRAVE IN RYAN, LET US SEE THE PICTURES

**Spicy Brycey:** but.. my butt, ryan

**Daddy Kink:** FUCK ALL OF YOU 

**Lukewarm:** kinky

**Scooter:** y’all,,, 6:11 just passed

**Scooter:** pls take a moment to remember all of the trains that died that day

**Scooter:** and that trump was behind it

**Marchello:** what th e fuck scotty

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^wtf even happened

**Ty dye:** do you need an adult

**Scooter:** no but i need marcel’s dick

**Scooter:** i mean what

**Ratalui:** OK CALM IT DOWN A BIT YOU

**Mom™:** pda is so nice bc youre comfortable with your relationship and its healthy and you aRE HAPPY and thats all you need ,,,,bless pda

**(e)Vans:** have u and dad done PDA

**Jonny boy:** “done pda” that sounds like “have you two ever kissed” or like, an innocent child just really curious in the world

**(e)Vans:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Jonny boy:** i literally called you innocent--

**(e)Vans:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Jonny boy:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Ratalui:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Ty dye:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Craigo my eggo:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Daddy Kink:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Lukewarm:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Scooter:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Dad™:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Davey jones locker:** stop??? being??? mean???

**(e)Vans:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Jonny boy:** stop??? being??? mean???

**(e)Vans:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Jonny boy:** stop??? being??? mean???

**Ratalui:** #GOALS

**Ty dye:** lui calm your ass before it breaks out of excitement

**Lukewarm:** or breaks because of

**Daddy Kink:** dAVIDS D I CK

**Ratalui:** KILL YOURSEL VES

**Scooter:** _ g l a d l y _

**Craigo my eggo:** ive been waiting for the sweet embrace of death for like,,, ever now

**Ratalui:** imm kidding dont di eyou guys are great

**Jonny boy:** 2 late fucker the suicidal tendecies are stornger than evevr

**Ratalui:** you cant even spell correctly

**Jonny boy:** DIE

**Ratalui:** HOW ABOUT YOU DO THE DEED 

**Jonny boy:** NO THANKS I DONT WANT TO BE CAUGHT WITH MURDRR

**Ratalui:** d o it

**Jonny boy:** just jump off of a cliff

**Ratalui:** there are no good ones nearby

**Ty dye:** isnt jumping off of david good enough though u short fucker

**Ratalui:** wow i LOVE being cyberbullied!

**Ratalui:** really makes me want to Live

**Ty dye:** dont anymore pls and thank you

**Ratalui:** when i get to hell ill makje sure ur nname is first tyler

**Ty dye:** thanks boo <3

**Ratalui:** no problem boo <3

**Jonny boy:** #GOALS

**Ratalui:** i McFucking HATE YOU

**Spicy Brycey:** “McFucking”

**Dad™:** yOU HAVE NO SPACE TO SPEAK MCQUAID

**Craigo my eggo:** dad strikes again

**Lukewarm:** what a dad

**Daddy Kink:** what a papi

**Lukewarm:** ay papi

**Daddy Kink:** luke will you be the ay to my papi

**Lukewarm:** gladly papi

**(e)Vans:** #GOALS

**Lukewarm:** die

**Ratalui:** ^  _ R E T W E E T _

**Davey jones locker:** retweet my death

**Marchello:** fuck me too though

**Ratalui:** ay papi

 

_ Craigo my eggo has changed the group name to “stop??? being??? mean??? [more at #GOALS] _

 

**Ty dye:** craig w hat the fuck is that name

**Craigo my eggo:** its  a  reminder that we all died on 6/11

**Scooter:** WAY TO STEAL MY MEME CRAIG(O MY EGGO)

**Craigo my eggo:** does it look like i care???

**Scooter:** does it look like i crave death???

**Craigo my eggo:** ….

**Scooter:** its  A yes you idiot

**Craigo my eggo:** youre the idiot, idiot

**Smitten:** what about death and craving it

**Ratalui:** theres my meme son

**Jonny boy:** why are you all obsessed with memes

**Scooter:** why arent you????

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^^^^^

**Smitten:** ^^^^^^

**Ratalui:** ^^^^

**Spicy Brycey:** wtf is this group chat

**Jonny boy:** its my life

**Ratalui:** death and full of sexual tension???

**Jonny boy:** was that supposed to be an insult u shortie

**Ratalui:** im gonna kms i dont deserve this hate

**Jonny boy:** YOU ARENT GETTING ANY HATE GO KYS IM GETTING HTE HATE

**Ratalui:** jon: you arent getting hate

**Ratalui:** also jon: “GO KYS”

**Jonny boy:** me, an intellectual: i simply was defending myself

**Ty dye:** wow he actually spelled intellectual right

**Jonny boy:** DIE

**Ty dye:** nah

 

_ Daddy Kink has sent a picture >>> _

_ Daddy Kink has sent a picture >>> _

_ Daddy Kink has sent a picture >>> _

_ Daddy Kink has sent a picture >>> _

_ Daddy Kink has sent a picture >>> _

 

**Daddy Kink:** HERES RLLY CUTE PICTURES OF YOUNG BRYCE TO BLESS YOU ALL

**Lukewarm:** what the fuck hes so cute???

**(e)Vans:** ^retweet

**Ty dye:** hes such a christian boy wtf how is he remotely gay

**Ty dye:** ryan, u gotta be like,s uper fucking attractive to get such a christian kid to like you

**Spicy Brycey:** tbh ryan is really hot like ??? how did i get such an attractive guy

**Jonny boy:** retweet though,,, ryan is rlly attractive

**Lukewarm:** lmao dont forget his muscles are hot

**Daddy Kink:** can you three shut up i will personally murder you guys

**Scooter:** wait I WNANA SEE DADDY RYAN

**Marchello:** papi ryan** but can we see him omh

**Jonny boy:** SJHOW THEM

**(e)Vans:** pls do give us papi ryan

 

_ Jonny boy has changed Daddy Kink’s name to > Papi Ryan _

 

**Papi Ryan:** ok jon go kys k AND THANKS

 

_ Spicy Brycey has sent a picture >>> _

 

**Spicy Brycey:** this isnt a hot picture but more cute bc ryan sleeping is the cutest??? 

**Jonny boy:** #GOALS

**Papi Ryan:** UR THE CUTEST

**Scooter:** even when he sleeps ryan is attractive wtf

**Mom™:** ryan is the god of this chat

**Papi Ryan:** _ CALM DOWN  _

**Smitten:** hes so attractive y’all.. i need a breather

**Craigo my eggo:** bryce,, you are one lucky boy

**Spicy Brycey:** i feel it

**Ty dye:** ryan is our new god, bless

**Jonny boy:** rewteet

**Papi Ryan:** i hate you all


	9. Chapter 9

**November 9th 4:17 pm**

 

**Mom™ - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Papi Ryan, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Smitten, Lukewarm, Craigo my eggo, Davey jones locker, Marchello, Ratalui, and Scooter**

 

**Mom™:** children, i have an announcement

**Ty dye:** r u finally preggo w/ dads child

**Jonny boy:** wyh would brock need more children wspecially after us

**Craigo my eggo:** tru

**Scooter:** i feel like dad isnt involved

**Mom™:** youre wrong, dad is majorly involved 

**Marchello:** did dad ditch u

**Davey jones locker:** THATS A ONOMOTEAPIPA THE THING WHERE ITS LIKE SALLY SELLS SHEA SHELLS DOWN  Y THE SEA SHORE

**Marchello:** ITS ALLITERATION YOU IDIOT

**Davey jones locker:** FUCK OFF YOU CUNT

**Marchello:** i would rather fuck ur moms

**Craigo my eggo:** oh fcuk

**Davey jones locker:** pls die 

**Ratalui:** GUYS GUYS FUSIYDA USIFYSUAIDYUS DSUDTGIUAS GUYS UFGUYS

**(e)Vans:** ???

**Ratalui:** ITS FOUR MOTHER FUCKING TWENTY LETS BLAZE IT

**Papi Ryan:** blaze me daddy

**Lukewarm:** I FUCIGM KNEW YOU HAD A DADDY KINK

**Jonny boy:** ^^ RYAN IS FUCKING REALIZING THAT HIS GAY ASS GOT A FUCKIGN DADDY KINK

**Papi Ryan:** NO I DONT I JUST SAID IT IRONICALLY 

**Mom™:** my parents want to meet brian how do i bring this up to brian

**Jonny boy:** MMHMM 

**Lukewarm:** DO YOU DATE BRYCE IRONICALLY

**Scooter:** oh fuck brock,, wouldnt brian see it here??? and just tell him flat out, he'll be cool w// it

**Papi Ryan:** NO????!?!

**Lukewarm:** EXXACTLY… YOU DONT HAVE A DADDY KINK IRONICALLY

**Jonny boy:** i bet having that name makes him hard at the thought

**Mom™:** no, his computer isnt currently working so hes gettinig it fixed

**Papi Ryan:** CA N YOU BOTH DIE

**Mom™:** what if my parents dont like him??? what if my parents even hate him bc i mean, they did just find out about mye being gay

**Jonny boy:** gladly

**Davey jones locker:** i doubt your parents will hate him, hes a charmer and could smooth your parents to the bone like a slide

**Marchello:** hey david, what type of literary term did you jsut use

**Davey jones locker:** a simile 

**Davey jones locker:** IM NOT A FUCKIN G IDIOT

**Spicy Brycey:** smh ryan,, i thought we were more open about your kinks

**(e)Vans:** wai,,,, t, KINK S

**Craigo my eggo:** oh fuck we gotta hear about this now

**Papi Ryan:** Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

 

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone

‘Neath the halo of a streetlamp

I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light

That split the night

And touched the sound of silence

 

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People talking without speaking

People hearing without listening

People writing songs that voices never share

No one dare

Disturb the sound of silence

 

“Fools” said I, “You do not know

Silence like a cancer grows

Hear my words that I might teach you

Take my arms that I might reach you”

But my words like silent raindrops fell

And echoed in the wells of silence

 

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made

And the sign flashed out its warning

In the words that it was forming

And the sign said “The words of the prophets

Are written on the subway walls

And tenement halls

And whispered in the sounds of silence”

**Ty dye:** what the fuck ryan

**Craigo my eggo:** fuck m e instead

**Craigo my eggo:** hahaha jk

**Ratalui:** ok wow we got a lot of kinky fucks in this chat

**Davey jones locker:** like ur one to talk

**Ratalui:** KILL YOUTESELF DAVID YIOU FCUK 

**Scooter:** omg,,,  you McFreaking sinning McSinners

**Ratalui:** do u wanna expose scotty @ marcel

**Marchello:** scotty is actually not kinky nor am i 

**Jonny boy:** no way

**(e)Vans:** wait have u two not…

**Scooter:** I GOTTA GO MAN

**Marchello:** ahaha sorry scotty and i hav e tog o out fuys! 

**(e)vans:** aw, precious ship

**Lukewarm:** b l e s s

**Ratalui:** i wish i had a relationship as pure as theirs :’))))

**Ty dye:** i wish u would die

**Ratalui:** no jk???

**Ty dye:** no jk.

**Ratalui:** ur such a romantic, do u treat craig like this

**Ty dye:** no, he actually gets love

**Ratalui:** i doubt you could sweet talk craig-y

**Ty dye:** when you use memes its pretty easy to get that boy

**Scooter:** why wont marcel do that :((( i want him to seduce me with memes

**Marchello:** Young man, there's no need to feel down.

I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.

I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town

There's no need to be unhappy.

 

Young man, there's a place you can go.

I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.

You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find

Many ways to have a good time.

 

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

 

They have everything for you men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys...

 

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

 

You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal,

You can do whatever you feel...

 

Young man, are you listening to me?

I said, young man, what do you want to be?

I said, young man, you can make real your dreams.

But you got to know this one thing!

 

No man does it all by himself.

I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,

And just go there, to the Y.M.C.A.

I'm sure they can help you today.

 

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

 

They have everything for you men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys...

 

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

 

You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal,

You can do whatever you feel...

 

Young man, I was once in your shoes.

I said, I was down and out with the blues.

I felt no man cared if I were alive.

I felt the whole world was so jive...

 

That's when someone came up to me,

And said, young man, take a walk up the street.

There's a place there called the Y.M.C.A.

They can start you back on your way.

 

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

 

They have everything for you men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys...

 

Y.M.C.A...you'll find it at the Y.M.C.A.

 

Young man, young man, there's no need to feel down.

Young man, young man, get yourself off the ground.

 

Y.M.C.A...you'll find it at the Y.M.C.A.

 

Young man, young man, there's no need to feel down.

Young man, young man, get yourself off the ground.

 

Y.M.C.A...just go to the Y.M.C.A.

 

Young man, young man, are you listening to me?

Young man, young man, what do you wanna be?

**(e)Vans:** laughing bc that song is actually abt gay shit i think

**Marchello:** exactly ;DD

**Scooter:** WAIT WHAT

**Ratalui:** _ ^^^ WTF WHY WAS I NEVER TOLD THIS IVE BEEN DOING THIS DANCE MY WHOLE LIFE _

**Craigo my eggo:** maybe thats why im so gay

**(e)Vans:** its literally talking abt a young man going to the YMCA to hang out with “all the boys” and im p sure the village people are a band of mostly homosexual guys???

**Jonny boy:** SOMEONE CREATE THE NEXT VILLAGE PEOPLE WITH ME

**Smitten:** FUCK YOU STOLE MY IDEA

**Smitten:** bbbut ill join

**(e)Vans:** i will too

**Ratalui:** u would join

**(e)Vans:** _ s h u  s h _

**Jonny boy:** what

**Ratalui:** #jevan man

**Jonny boy:** not this bs again

**Lukewarm:** #jevan

**(e)Vans:** pls dont 

**Jonny boy:** ^^ill make him fight y’all

**(e)Vans:** ^^ill protect u my damian in distress

**Ty dye:** DAMIAN IN DISTRESS

**Craigo my eggo:** wtf evan

**(e)Vans:** well jons not a damsel in distress bc hes male so…

**Jonny boy:** i dont mind it ^.^ its kinda cute

**(e)Vans:** u know what else is cute

**Davey jones locker:** OHMYGOD 

**Ratalui:** IS HE 

**Ty dye:** plsls

**Jonny boy:** what

**Craigo my eggo:** pray

**(e)Vans:** you

**Lukewarm:** OMG

**Marchello:** my gay boys

**Mom™:** im so ,, so,, proud

**Papi Ryan:** bless

**Jonny boy:** fbsnm fUCKU EVAN

**Spicy Brycey:** what a great response xD

**(e)Vans:** LET ME COMPLIMENT YOU

**Davey jones locker:** ^^

**Jonny boy:** YOU CAN BUT FUCK  OYU

**Ratalui:** i doubt that evan would mind you fucking him

**Craigo my eggo:** LUI TAKE A FUCKING CHILL PILL

**(e)Vans:** omg can you guys die

**Jonny boy:** ^^

**Ratalui:** after u two start Dating™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact- my mom pointed out to me that the YMCA song is abt young homo men when we were driving home one day and it was fun


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this instead of doing debate research and such for my debate thursday :)))) save me :)))))

**November 10 11:52 am**

 

**Mom™ - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Papi Ryan, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Smitten, Lukewarm, Craigo my eggo, Davey jones locker, Marchello, Ratalui, and Scooter**

 

**Mom™:** dont forget to vote children!!! 

**Mom™:** also no political debates in this chat pls

**Smitten:** CHINA

**Craigo my eggo:** grab ‘em by the memes

**Ty dye:** pls

**Papi Ryan:** but who are u guys voting for

**Papi Ryan:** like sreiouslky

**Jonny boy:** obv not trump

**(e)Vans:** ^ retweet

**Davey jones locker:** ^ stop trump

**Scooter:** ^stop me

**Marchello:** ^no stop trump instead

**Ratalui:** ^fuck trump

**Mom™:** well i obviously see your guys’ stand point

**Papi Ryan:** WAIT GUYS FEJI I FORGOT

**Lukewarm:** ????

**Papi Ryan:** BRYCE ISNT OLD ENOUGH TO VOT E 

**Jonny boy:** lololol loser

**(e)Vans:** dont be mean to the poor boy

**Spicy Brycey:** ^^ :( i dont want to be bullied

**Mom™:** rip

**Papi Ryan:** tbh bryce could probably make me vote for him if he convinced me enough

**Ty dye:** he does have thta perfect angelic char m wehre youre like “damn u right”

**Craigo my eggo:** do i have that

**Ty dye:** ….

**Ty dye:** in ur own special way

**Craigo my eggo:** :(((( i thought u loved me

**Ty dye:** i do ????

**Spicy Brycey:** ryan vote for hillary for me

**Papi Ryan:** k

**Scooter:** what a power couple

**Smitten:** ^^^ goals

**Davey jones locker:** the angel and the hot as fuck dude

**Jonny boy:** i wish i had a relationship like them

**(e)Vans:** then date me

 

_ (e)Vans has left stop??? being??? mean??? [more at #GOALS] _

 

**Ratalui:** WOAH 

**Lukewarm:** omg, did that just hapepen

**Smitten:** pepe

**Craigo my eggo:** SMITTY YOU FUCKING WOULD

**Smitten:** :^)))

**Ty dye:** is evan ok?

**Papi Ryan:** i hope

 

///

 

_ [Private chat between Mom™ and (e)Vans] _

 

**Mom™:** evan, are you okay??

**Mom™:** and if you dont want to talk i udnerstand

**(e)Vans:** im an idiot

**(e)Vans:** bu t at the same time hes such an idiot

**(e)Vans:** have i not showed enought aht i like him

**Mom™:** youve done more than enough

**(e)Vans:** then why doesnt he actually say something

**Mom™:** because he also needs time

**(e)Vans:** but he always jokes with me

**Mom™:** so are you saying you take it as a joke too?

**(e)Vans:** no no no, i would love it to be seirous jsut

**(e)Vans:** should i even keep trying?

**Mom™:** i need to come over there and knock some sense into you i swear

**Mom™:** evan, dont give up until the end

**Mom™:** jon will come through one day whether the end result is good or bad

**Mom™:** the most you can do is keep pursuing him and showing him that youre the best option

**Mom™:** you cant let your self loathing comments get you down

**Mom™:** evan, youre a great person and are far from stupid

**Mom™:** sure, the choices you make here and there arent the most ebenficial but its you and at the end of the day, youre sitll my close friend who is amazing and is there for others, even those who he doesnt know, and youre amazing

**Mom™:** dont let something like this get you down, you like jon, so keep going with it

**Mom™:** dont let his comments and your respnses get you down so easily

**Mom™:** hell, you didnt check what he responded with. maybe he said sure but you didnt go through with what you said and completely thought the worst

**Mom™:** i believe that one day you wont get the worst

**Mom™:** one day youll get the best and youll deserve it

**(e)Vans:** thank you

**Mom™:** no problem, want me to come over w/ ice cream and movies?

**(e)Vans:** could you?

**Mom™:** of course :)

 

////

 

**November 10 12:04 pm**

 

**Ty dye - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Mom™, Papi Ryan, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Smitten, Lukewarm, Craigo my eggo, Davey jones locker, Marchello, Ratalui, and Scooter**

 

**Ty dye:** fuck im worried

**Scooter:** u just have to have hope that everything is going right

**Papi Ryan:** wait jon, howre you?

**Jonny boy:** confused

**Papi Ryan:** how come?

**Jonny boy:** im confused about why evan is actign like this

**Ty dye:** it isnt obvious?

**Jonny boy:** no its not

**Ty dye:** why am i no t fucking surprised

**Davey jones locker:** guys please dont argue

**Ty dye:** i cant help it when this is the idiot that shurting my friend

**Craigo my eggo:** take it up in your private chat tyler, this chat is supposed to be positive

**Ty dye:** oh, so you cant face reality just like jon? 

**Ty dye:** you cant look at an argument just like how jon cant look at evans obvious feelings?

**Jonny boy:** what

**Craigo my eggo:** tyler stop it

**Ty dye:** no, i think jon should know what the fuck hes doing indirectly

**Craigo my eggo:** no he shouldnt, he should figure it out on his own

**Ty dye:** he cant from wha we’ve all seen

**Craigo my eggo:** tyler, just stop acting immature 

**Ty dye:** how so?

**Mom™:** youre about to reveal private information to which you have no right to say

**Mom™:** tyler, calm down and realize what youre about to do

**Mom™:** jon, how are you?

**Jonny boy:** even more confused about evan and whats going on

**Mom™:** message evan, i think you two should talk

**Jonny boy:** ok

 

_ Jonny boy has left stop??? being??? mean??? [more at #GOALS] _

 

**Mom™:** tyler, you realize what you almost did, correct?

**Ty dye:** yes but jon deserved tohear what he was about to

**Mom™:** no he did not, and i doubt evan would want someone revealing his crush

**Ty dye:** but jon has a right to know 

**Mom™:** but you arent the one infatuated with jon

**Ty dye:** fine

**Mom™:** i just hope they can work it out

**Smitten:** hopefully


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //dab

_November 11 3:35 am_

 

_[Private chat between Jonny boy and (e)Vans]_

 

 **Jonny boy:** evan???

 **Jonny boy:** im sorry for not messaging sooner,, but are you okay?

 **Jonny boy:** it says that youre on but i dont know, sometimes it betrays

 **Jonny boy:** like the night before your exam two or three years ago but i didnt know you that well then

 **Jonny boy:** and i called you in the middle of the night and you werent on but then i accdietnally woke yo u up

 **Jonny boy:** i want to call you now and hope you answer

 **Jonny boy:** but is it bad im scared?

 **Jonny boy:** i dont know why, i really dont know why i am scared

 **Jonny boy:** ill keep messaging you though, okay?

 **Jonny boy:** im not going to give up until you answer

 **Jonny boy:** night evan, hope you sleep well.

 

////

 

_November 11 10:57 am_

 

_[Private chat between Jonny boy and (e)Vans]_

 

 **Jonny boy:** morning evan!

 **Jonny boy:** i hope youve had breakfast, gotta keep you strong, right?

 **Jonny boy:** i forget what classes you have so im sorry if i message you in the middle of a lecture

 **Jonny boy:** i have my drawing class today

 **Jonny boy:** you know the one with the rlly cool teacher???

 **Jonny boy:** the one who let me stay out for a while when you had a panic attack and needed to talk

 **Jonny boy:** then wheni came back i explained to her what had happened and she dismissed me, saying that shes happy that i care about my friends so dearly

 **Jonny boy:** you should meet her, she might not remember you but you would like her :)

 **Jonny boy:** anyways i hope you have a nice day evan, dont get too stressed, okay?

 **Jonny boy:** and if you do, run to the coffee place near you, get that special hot chocolate you love, and rant to someone

 **Jonny boy:** maybe you could rant to me?

 **Jonny boy:** that would be nice, and sure, i wont be hearing you traditionally, but i would be in a different way

 

////

 

_November 13 8:56 pm_

 

_[Private chat between Jonny boy and (e)Vans]_

 

 **Jonny boy:** luke visited and asked how the hedgehogs were doing!!!

 **Jonny boy:** i said mine was doing well, but idk about yours

 **Jonny boy:** evan, im sorry

 **Jonny boy:** im sorry for being a fool

 

////

 

_November 18 5:29 pm_

 

_[Private chat between Jonny boy and (e)Vans]_

 

 **Jonny boy:** im probably annoying you, but that wont stop me

 **Jonny boy:** ill annoy you to days ends if it means that i can get a single text from you

 **Jonny boy:** i dont even care if what you say is an insult

 **Jonny boy:** i probably sound really desperate but i guess thats what a lot of things do

 **Jonny boy:** getting a lecture from tyler really made me think

 **Jonny boy:** and i mean, imm not head over heels right now

 **Jonny boy:** but i feel like one day in the future, youll be there, next to me

 **Jonny boy:** and ill realize that im in love

 **Jonny boy:** wouldnt that be nice?

 

////

 

_November 20 2:56 am_

 

_[Private chat between Jonny boy and (e)Vans]_

 

 **Jonny boy:** when you realized you like me, were you afraid?

 **Jonny boy:** were you afraid of the idea that these feelings would do more bad than good?

 **Jonny boy:** thats why im hesitant to like you

 **Jonny boy:** you know about my past relationship and how that ended..

 **Jonny boy:** i dont want that

 **Jonny boy:** i know youre different

 **Jonny boy:** but at the same time, are you?

 **Jonny boy:** were all humans,, all capable of hurting each other

 **Jonny boy:** what if you hurt me worse?

 **Jonny boy:** do you promise not to hurt me again?

 **Jonny boy:** could you promise me that you wont hurt me like how you are now?

 

////

 

_November 23 7:49 pm_

 

_[Private chat between Jonny boy and (e)Vans]_

 

 **Jonny boy:** im sorry

 **Jonny boy:** idk ive stayed up the past nights and have felt really bad

 **Jonny boy:** its my fault youre gone after all

 **Jonny boy:** its my fault for a lot of things, isnt it?

 **Jonny boy:** evan, i dont mind if you dont forgive me

 **Jonny boy:** just please, please, say something?

 

////

 

_November 30 4:52 pm_

 

_[Private chat between Jonny boy and Lukewarm]_

 

 **Jonny boy:** luke, idk what to do

 **Jonny boy:** ive messaged him countless of times per day and yet it feels so worthless

 **Jonny boy:** im not giving up, but i want to reach him some different way thats much more effective

 **Jonny boy:** ffs i dont even know if hes read the messages or not

 **Lukewarm:** have you tried visiting him???

 **Jonny boy:** no???

 **Lukewarm:** i thought visiting would be obvious??

 **Lukewarm:** dude, thats the best way to talk to him

 **Jonny boy:** what if he slams the door on me?

 **Lukewarm:** keep knocking or find a new way in, dont let him keep ignoring you

 **Lukewarm:** everyones been worried about the two of you, dont let him keep shutting you out and not just hurting you but himself

 **Jonny boy:** right!

 **Jonny boy:** thanks for the advice luke

 **Lukewarm:** what are friends for :) now go confront evan, confess your love then make out

 

////

 

Jonathan was thankful for many things that night. He was thankful that the weather was clear at that moment, though it did seem like it would start raining soon. He was thankful that he had Evan’s address from times before when they would mail each other different gifts that reminded them of each other. He was thankful for Luke being the brother that he didn’t have and giving him this idea instead of letting the two get hurt. He was thankful for so many things but the main one was that he still had a chance. He still had a chance to redeem himself. He still had a chance to tell Evan how he felt and that Evan would have to listen.

 

He sped down the highway, thankful once again that it was late in the night so not many cars were driving. He rolled down the windows and played music, deciding that the louder the music, the quieter his doubts about going would be. The louder the music and the faster he went the less of a chance he would have to decide to turn back and let Evan keep ignoring him. He didn’t want his messages to be wasted anymore. He wanted Evan to hear the words that Jon could really say, not ones that would be fabricated over the internet.

 

He began to slow down from his high speed when he realized that he didn’t even plan what he was going to say. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to make an outline in his head of what to say or to just let it happen. The outline would make him seem more confident but Evan knew him the best,  aside from Luke, and Evan knew that Jonathan was not confident in things like this where little experience was located. Sure, he did have a previous relationship but it didn’t work in the end, and Jon was okay with that. It started out on false feelings and no confessions, and Evan knew that too from the late night rants that Jon would bombard Evan with.

 

Jon glanced down at his GPS and noted that he still had over an hour and a half before he would arrive at Evan’s. He let out a quiet sigh and his eyes roamed the bright signs on the side of the highway, saying what shops were nearby. Two signs had caught his eyes and so he decided to take a quick break and head to the little marketplace, getting a few more necessities that may be needed.

 

///

 

20 minutes away. Jon was 20 minutes away from Evan’s apartment. He was 20 minutes away from seeing Evan. He was 20 minutes away from telling the truth. Telling things he wouldn’t have thought he would be telling anyone in a long time. The playlist he had created repeated once again, but Jonathan didn’t mind because it reminded him of Evan. Speaking of Evan, he was now 18 minutes away.

 

How would he get Evan’s attention? Would he play their favorite song, maybe throw a few pebbles at Evan’s window, and tell him everything in the middle of the night? Would he just knock on the door and confess once the door revealed Evan?

 

17 minutes. 17 fucking minutes. Jonathan’s legs began to shake, his right hand lightly tapping the wheel without stopping or going off beat. He took a deep breath, wondering if he had reached triple digits yet with how many deep breaths he’s taken _this hour_. Boy was he nervous.

 

////

 

Pebbles thrown at Evan’s window was out of question because Jonathan could not find any with how dark it was outside. He shook his head, glanced up at the apartment building, and headed up to the second floor where Evan resided. He held the flowers he had bought, along with chocolate, and headed up the steps, deciding that this option would be much quicker than the elevator. Last time he had taken the elevator was when him and Evan had gone out to see a scary movie with some others and they thought that there would be something waiting for them at the top of the steps so elevator was much safer, and that elevator took a good 5 minutes just to reach them.

 

He was up the two flights of stairs and could see Evan’s door from where he stood. _Now or never._ He let that repeat in his mind as his feet slowly took him to the door of Evan’s apartment.

 

207.

 

Jonathan brought his fist up, his other arm and hand holding the flowers and chocolates. _Now or never._ He repeated in his mind and brought his fist back and forth against the door for a few seconds then pulled it away. He took a step back, his heart racing in his chest.

 

 _Now or never_. He thought once again as the door began to open.

 

 _Now or never._ He concluded as the door opened up fully to reveal the man he had set out to see.

 

“J-Jon?” Evan stuttered, going to close his door but Jon was quick to move and stepped in the doorway and a little too close to Evan, who immediately stepped back.

 

“Evan.” Jonathan let out as if he hadn’t seen Evan in years, too many years.

 

Jonathan didn’t know where to start or even where to go. He knew the idea but he wasn’t sure how to begin or how to just tell Evan that he truly enjoyed the idea of Evan, that he enjoyed imagining them having late nights together and hosting hour long skype calls just to end them with _I love you._

 

“I-I didn’t think you would be here so late honestly.” Evan said, glancing towards the side as he bit his lip.

 

“I’m sorry first of all, I’m a fool. You were so obvious and I was so oblivious. You know how stupid I am-”

 

“Jon, you’re not stupid.”

 

“I make so many mistakes and letting you leave without messaging you immediately that day was one of them. Another mistake I’ve made was being scared because of my last relationship, and letting that get in the way of what we could be. I’m a fool.” Jon took another deep breath and moved forward, but this time, Evan stayed where he stood.

 

“Evan Fong, I like you. I like you a lot. I like the idea of you. I like your hair and everything below. I like your personality and I like your voice. I like your laugh and I really like your silly faces you make when we snapchat. I like that you’ve stayed with me for so long and I like that you haven’t given up on our friendship. I like you and I like all of these little things that make up your existence.” Jonathan stopped because in the middle of his last sentence, his voice had betrayed his strength and it had cracked as tears began to well up in his eyes. “I like that you’re truly human. I like that you’re my own superman and I like that I’m the one that you’ve fallen for. I don’t think I could stand you being with someone else.”

 

“Jon-”

 

“Evan, don’t say a word. Since you won’t listen to me online, this is the only way to get you to listen. Evan Fong, I don’t care how many times I have to say it but I like you. I like you.. So much..” Jonathan trailed off as silent tears rolled down his rose tinted cheeks, and Evan didn’t know how to react.

 

“Evan, I like you.”

 

“I know.” Evan stated as he took silent steps forward and wrapped his arms around the crying boy.

 

“I like you a lot.”

 

“I’m surprised.” Evan said with a light chuckle as Jonathan picked his head up and the two looked at each other, the spark clicking and igniting a flame that wouldn’t go out.

 

“I like you.”

 

“I like you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this while on vacation rip


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays everyone 

**December 3 10:59 am**

 

**Craigo my eggo - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Papi Ryan, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Marchello, Ratalui, and Scooter**

 

**Craigo my eggo:** HAPPY CHRISTMAS YOU HOES

**Smitten:** happy christmas

**Papi Ryan:** shouldnt it be happy holidays??? bc y’know,, all people dont celebrate christmas

**Ty dye:** ok tumblr u can clam dow

**Jonny boy:** “”clam dow””

**Lukewarm:** “” ok jon

**Spicy Brycey:** happy christmas

**Craigo my eggo:** ur so late to the party bryce

**Mom™:** dont be mean to my son

**Dad™:** u have other sons

**Mom™:** but bryce is still pure??? I want to protect him sti;ll

**Lukewarm:** bryce? Pure? What a good joke 

**Spicy Brycey:** STOP??? BEING??? MEAN???

**(e)Vans:** throw back

**Mom™:** EVAN

**Ty dye:** DUDE HWERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU EBEN

**Craigo my eggo:** breaking news: we have found evan fong once again

**Marchello:** OUR FAVORITE ASIAN IS BACK

**Papi Ryan:** you okay dude??

**Spicy Brycey:** ^^

**Davey jones locker:** we missed you dude

**Lukewarm:** guys yall gotta fucking chill and not bombard him,,

**(e)Vans:** im good guys and thank u luke

**Lukewarm:** no prob

**Mom™:** are you feeling better?

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^

**(e)Vans:** yeah, 

**Ratalui:** thats good to hear bro and if u ever need to talk we’re all here for u!!

**(e)Vans:** thanks guys <3

**Lukewarm:** anyways, back to the situation b4

**Lukewarm:** BRYCE IS NOT FUCKING PURE HES AN ACTUAL DEVIL IF ANYONE IS AN ANGEL ITS PROB DAVID

**Ty dye:** oh hell no he is not pure you should play CAH with him

**Craigo my eggo:** DIDNT HE SAY B44 LIKE “I HAVE CANCER AND IM GOING TO DIE SOON HAVE SEX WITH ME” OR SMTH LIKE THAT JUST SO HE COULD WIN

**Smitten:** wouldnt doubt that fr a second

**Ratalui:** ^^

**Davey jones locker:** tf when ur own boyfriend betrays you

**Lukewarm:** so whos prob pure then???

**Scooter:** smitty??? He never curses in front of me so,,

**Smitten:** what r u,, fucking stupid?

**Scooter:** :00 SMITTY YOU

**Ty dye:** oh shit

**Craigo my eggo:** omg fihht

**Ratalui:** learn how to spell before tleling them to fight

**Craigo my eggo:** LEANR HOW TO SPELL BEFORE TELLING SOMEONE ELSE TO LEARN HOW TO SPELL BEFORE TELLING TWO OTHER PEOPLE TO FIGHT

**Ratalui:** HWOA BOUT YO LEARN HOW TO SPELL BEFORE TELLING SOMEONE ELSE TO LEARN HOW TO SPELL AS THEY TELL YOU TO LEARN HOW TO SPELL BEFORE TELLING TWO OTHER PEOPLE TO FIGHT 

**Mom™:** please stop omg

**Mom™:** you guys need a chill pill

**Papi Ryan:** brock ur endorsing.. Drugs™

**Jonny boy:** :00

**(e)Vans:** ^^

**Craigo my eggo:** as dictionary.com says: “ while not truelly a "pill" it is a comment used by one party to let another party know that everyone else in the room but them knows they are acting like a complete asshole…” so…

**Papi Ryan:** mystical pills

**Spicy Brycey:** or not pills at all

**Papi Ryan:** bryce ill fight u

**Lukewarm:** in bed

**Spicy Brycey:** and ill beat u

**Spicy Brycey:** also LUKE PELAS E ??? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

**Lukewarm:** bc u fucking cheated in uno

**Spicy Brycey:** HOW DO YOU CHEATI N ONLINE UNO??

**Lukewarm:** you’d be surprised,,, people have their ways

**Ratalui:** you sound like you were in a war

**Smitten:** NAM WAR

**Craigo my eggo:** //vietnam flashbacks

**Scooter:** nam taught me well

**Dad** **™:** i cannot fucking believe you guys…

///

 

**December 3 11:37 pm**

 

**Marchello - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Papi Ryan, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Craigo my eggo, Ratalui, and Scooter**

 

**Marchello:** SCOTTY CAN ACTUALLY SUCK MY DICK

**Craigo my eggo:** not surprised from that comment

**Scooter:** YOU WISH I WOULD

**Ty dye:** $5 something in CAH made them like this

**Papi Ryan:** im digging uno, you should see how angry we can get

**Smitten:** woah bud we dont want anymore intel on you and bryce’s personal lives

**Papi Ryan:** trust me smitty, i can get a lot worse ;)))

**Spicy Brycey:** RYAN DBJW NO

**Ty dye:** petition to make ryan stop?

**Dad™:** those in favor say i

**Marchello:** i

**Ty dye:** i

**Spicy Brycey:** i

**Smitten:** i

**Davey jones locker:** i

**Jonny boy:** i

**Ratalui:** i

**Dad™:** i

**(e)Vans:** i

**Craigo my eggo:** i

**Scooter:** i

**Mom™:** i

**Lukewarm:** i :)

**Papi Ryan:** WOW OKT HANKS GUYS 

 

_ Jonny boy has removed Papi Ryan from stop??? being??? mean??? [more at #GOALS] _

 

**Dad™:** we need a new group chat name tbh

**Mom™:** jon add him back 

**Jonny boy:** cant we wait a few minutes at least :(( 

**Spicy Brycey:** yee lets torture him for a lil

**Ty dye:** wow thanks for revealing one of his kinks to us bryce

**Craigo my eggo:** ^TLYER PLS

**Marchello:** YOU DIDNT EVEM SPELL YOUR OWN BYFREIDNS NAME RIGHT LMA O FUCKING LOSER

**Craigo my eggo:** i have receipts bitch

**Marchello:** wow Craig you are Not™ a loser you are a Beautiful Being™ and deserve clear skin with no acne and i hope youre having a nice day

 

_ Jonny boy has renamed the chat ‘Marcel the bertrayor’ _

 

**Ty dye:** YOU DIDNT EVEN SPELL IT RIGHT YOU FUCKING MORON

**Craigo my eggo:** jon,,, ur so precious omg

**Marchello:** jon, before you try to fucking insult me LEARN HOW TO SPELL

**(e)Vans:** rip jon

**Jonny boy:** i would rather DIE than get this treatment by yall

**(e)Vans:** sending hope and love ur way

**Jonny boy:** thank u

**(e)Vans:** ps,,, it’s betrayer

 

_ Jonny boy has renamed the chat ‘Marcel the betroyster’ _

  
**Mom™:** what the actual fuck jon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will ryan ever be added back to chat??? find out next time


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story has gotten over 4000 hits, almost 400 kudos and overall such positive reviews??? thank you guys so much i wrote this story for the heck of it but you guys have said that this story has cheered up some of you on bad days so thank you so much for making this my favorite story to write omg??? i love you all thank you for endlessly supporting this story omg thank you i hope you enjoy this chapter!!

**December 9th 2:35 pm**

 

**Ratalui - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Marchello, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

**Ratalui:** mystic messenger got me Fucked up yall

**Ty dye:** mystic what???

**Spicy Brycey:** the only mystic i know is pokemon go

**Scotty:** oh not that crap

**Smitten:** LUI WHOSE ROUTE ARE YOU ON

**Ratalui:** ZEN

**Smitten:** oh fuck where you at (AND JUST WAIT FOR 707)

**Ratalui:** HE JUST GOT INJURE D

**Smitten:** the poOR BABY 

**Craigo my eggo:** what the fuck are you guys talking about

**(e)Vans:** ^^

**Ratalui:** we are crying over fictional guys

**Smitten:** i played it as a dare but the story got interesting so is tuck with it and now i am stll crying

**Mom™:** ahhh

**Lukewarm:** tbh break is soon and im so hyped for it

**Craigo my eggo:** same tbh

**Jonny boy:** ha fuckers im already on break

**Scooter:** but dont u go back super fucking early

**Jonny boy:** yeah but now i have time to myself and to visit my bf

**Ratalui:** WAIT YOU HAV EA BOFRIEND

**Dad™:** son hwy did you not tell us

**Ty dye:** wait who’s the guy ;))

**Craigo my eggo:** omg we gotta know

**Jonny boy:** im aufcking idiot

**Marchello:** you just noticed??

**Jonny boy:** LITERALLY DIE MARCEL

**Marchello:** stop bullying me u southern fuck

**Jonny boy:** IM FROMT HE NORTH OF CAROLINA

**Marchello:** still south in some ways

**Jonny boy:** pls

**Ty dye:** literally both of you suck at arguing so shut the fuck up

**(e)Vans:** savage

**Craigo my eggo:** now back to the original point, jon, who is your boyfriend???

**Jonny boy:** haha ig otta g o

**Lukewarm:** oh hell no youre staying

**Jonny boy:** pls i would rather bleed to death tHEN GET THIS

**Davey jones locker:** woAH calm down there 

**Craigo my eggo:** you were red and you liked me because i blue You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky And you decided purple just wasn't for you

**Ratalui:** craig,,, why

**Smitten:** even the meme king is questioning you :000

**Ratalui:** memelord** smh smitty

**Smitten:** 1v1 in csgo lets go boi

**Ty dye:** lui dont accept it

**Rataui:** lets fucking g o

**Craigo my eggo:** youre going to regret life lui

**Ratalui:** hes not that good, is he?

**Ty dye:** he gets away with the most bs moves its bull shit tbh only john can deal with him

**Smitten:** john is my man what can i say

**Lukewarm** **:** aw cute

**Smitten:** no homo though

**Lukewarm:** /cough cough all the damn homo

**Marchello:** ^^

**Smitten:** may b ;))

**Craigo my eggo:** date already sheesh

**Ty dye:** ^^

**Dad™:** realize ur gay

**Spicy Brycey:** i am one with the gay.the gay is with me

**Scooter:** that was perfect timing bryce omg

**Spicy Brycey:** im a star wars hoe

**Papi Ryan:** we know

**Marchello:** whatt hw efuck 

**Craigo my eggo:** HOW LONG HAVE YOU EBEN HERE

**Ty dye:** how the fuck did he get back here

**Lukewarm:** probably added himself on bryce’s phone

**Spicy Brycey:** nope, he hasnt touched my phone since he got kicked

**Spicy Brycey:** i made sure of that

**Davey jones locker:** then how???

**Ratalui:** … jon…

**Jonny boy:** what

**Ratalui:** did you add ran back?

**(e)Vans:** ran

**Jonny boy:** ran

**Lukewarm:** ran

**Craigo my eggo:** ran

**Ty dye:** ran

**Jonny boy:** ran

**Davey jones locker:** ran

**Smitten:** ran

**Jonny boy:** ran

**Craigo my eggo:** ran

**Ratalui:** sHUT UP

**Jonny boy:** ran

**Craigo my eggo:** ran

**Ratalui:** I LITWREALLY HATE YOU TWO

**Jonny boy:** ran

**Craigo my eggo:** ran

**(e)Vans:** they love you too

 

**December 9th 11:58 pm**

 

**[private chat between Dad™ and Mom™]**

 

**Dad™:** hey brocky, you okay??

**Mom™:** yeah im good, why do you ask though??

**Dad™:** you just dont seem active/ that interested in the group chat like usual

**Mom™:** just exams are before break and i really want to do well, yknow? i just gotta keep studying

**Dad™:** i know just,,,

**Dad™:** dont hurt yourself in the process, okay?

**Dad™:** of course ill love you no matter what but i wouldnt be able stand seeing you hurt

**Mom™:** brian,, 

**Dad™:** you know, ive been interested in you for such a long time?

**Dad™:** like, way longer than should be possible

**Dad™:** brock, youre amazing yknow? 

**Mom™:** so are you brian

**Mom™:** ive also been interested in you for a long time

**Mom™:** <3

**Dad™:** have fun studying, dont stay up too late though okay? 

**Dad™:** if you do then ill come over there and light your books and notes on fire

**Mom™:** i could make copies..

**Dad™:** ill burn those copies

**Mom™:** what about online files?

**Dad™:** ill throw your computer and phone and any other electrical device out of the window

**Mom™:** people in my class?

**Dad™:** as long as they dont flirt with you then i wont have to hurt them too bad ;)

**Mom™:** brian omg

**Dad™:** youre basically perfect i mean, who could resist your personality?

**Mom™:** youd be surprised

**Dad™:** dont speak about yourself like that brock or i will make a whole list of reasons why i love you and i will say it in the group chat with everyone

**Mom™:** theyd probably fanboy over it and freak out about how we’re “goals”

**Dad™:** i mean, we pretty much are goals

**Mom™:** whatever you say pretty boy, but now i have to study or else ill be up a lot later than you want

**Dad™:** fine fine, ill watch over the gc and make sure they dont do anything bad

**Mom™:** sounds perfect

**Dad™:** before you go

 

_ Mom™ has logged off _

  
**Dad™:** nvm, but i guess it can wait until the holidays :’)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the private chat between brock and brian fucked me up ohmyogd i love terrnuckel. also, in advance, when it gets to the holiday chapter, that will probably be all written, maybe a little bit of chat in it. im not sure, but i want to write about what each couple will be doing for the holidays bc why not fluff??? thanks for reading this story though :')) !!


	14. Chapter 14

**December 13th 5:52 pm**

 

**Marchello- Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Spicy Brycey, Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

 **Marchello:** scotty just whipped,,, i am _d isgusted_

 **Scooter:** ur my bf?>?? Ur suposed to support my decisions?? Even my stupid ones??

 **Marchello:** all of ur decisions are stupid

 **Lukewarm:** oh shit

 **Scooter:** then my most stupid one mustve been deciding to date you

 **Craigo my eggo:** oSHHTI T

 **Ty dye:** holy, fucking, shit

 **(e)Vans:** ur gonna need some ice

 **Jonny boy:** fOR THAT UBRN

 **Papi Ryan:** rip marcel

 **Marchello:** bby pls

 **Scooter:** u asked for it,,

 **Marchello:** pls

 **Smitten:** i was abt to come to this chat singing gaston but i realized that marcel got roaste dby his own bf and thats much more entertaining

 **Jonny boy:** gaston?

 **Smitten:** no ONE’S SL ICK AS GASTON NO ONES AS QUICK GASTON NO ONES NECK IS AS THICC AS GASTONS

 **Craigo my eggo:** what have u done jon

 **Smitten:** For there's no man in town half as manly perfect , a pure parag on ucan ask any tom dick or stanley

 **Ty dye:** please stop

 **Craigo my eggo:** add john to the chat, thatll shut him up

 **Smitten:** no ones been like gastyon a king pin like gas  ton nnON ONES GOT A SWELL CLIFT IN HIS CHIN LILKE GASTON

 **Smitten:** i freaked out bc you talked abt john

 **Davey jones locker:** DATE

 **Ty dye:** ^^p l s

 **Ratalui:** cuties

 **Mom™:** we need to meet this john

 **Mom™:** mama has gotta approve of this boy

 **Jonny boy:** yuve finally acetped your role as the group mom bless

 **Mom™:** and i hold that title proudly

 **Dad™:** *hand clapping emoji*

 **Mom™:** thanks bby

 **Craigo my eggo:** i wish i had a relationship like that

 **Ty dye:** okay wow

 **Ty dye:** ill send the receipts you fuck

 **Craigo my eggo:** …

 **Craigo my eggo:** i wish i had a relationship like that

 **Marchello:** the,, shade,, is,, real,,

 **Ratalui:** didnt the same thing happen to you NOT EVEN TYHAT LONG AGO

 **Marchello:** u right

 **Spicy Brycey:** i just caught up w/ the chat and can we go back to singing disney songs smh disney songs are lit

 **Lukewarm:** “disney songs are lit”

 **Smitten:** i mean he aint wrong

 **(e)Vans:** is it a 50/50 then

 **Papi Ryan:** maybe a 72/25?

 **Jonny boy:** 80/20

 **Davey jones locker:** 85/15

 **Mom™:** 90/10

 **Spicy Brycey:** bitch its no doubt 100/0

 **Lukewarm:** BRYCE CURSED FWEJBF

 **Jonny boy:** hoyl shit   
**(e)Vans:** is him cursing a big deal??

 **Jonny boy:** YES

 **Lukewarm:** u dont undertsand henever curses

 **Papi Ryan:** he rarely curses, sometimes he lets out a thing

 **Craigo my eggo:** so should we celebrate or mourn over his innocence

 **Papi Ryan:** both??? Idk

 **Ty dye:** a celebration for the dead?

 **Ratalui:** did you mean: cinco de fucking mayo

 **Davey jones locker:** mayonnaise

 **Craigo my eggo:** IS MAYONNAISE AN INSTRUMENT

 **Marchello:** but back to the situation at hand, we should celebrate bryce becoming a young man

 **Mom™:** DONT CELEBRATE BRYCE LOSING HIS INNOCENCE???

 **Mom™:** anyone who joined this group as pure was supposed to stay pure you have all failed me

 **Mom™:** especially you, ryan

 **Papi Ryan:** YO WHY WAS I CALLE DOUT

 **Ty dye:** holy shit ryan got called otu

 **Craigo my eggo:** rip ryan’s ass

 **Mom™:** that is ur BOYFRIEND ryan, ur supposed to protect his innocence with every little fiber u GOT

 **Papi Ryan:** im sorry mom

 **Mom™:** add the trademark

 **Papi Ryan:** im sorry Mom™

 **Smitten:** mom is hardcore today oh lrod

 **Lukewarm:** tru?? Is everything good brock

 **Mom™:** everything is all good in mom world, how about you children

 **Craigo my eggo:** im doing well thank u mom

 **Ratalui:** i havent foubd a ny good memes lately  :((

 **Ty dye:** im good thx for asking

 **(e)Vans:** im deceased

 **Ratalui:** @ me next time evan

 **(e)Vans:** @ me ????

 **Ratalui:** do u not know,,, that meme,,,

 **(e)Vans:** no i dont if i did lui why would i have said that

 **Ratalui:** your sass is so mean ;;

 **Ratalui:** but its simple like if someone was shit talking you but u knew it was u u could say “wow @ me next time”

 **Ratalui:** you get it?

 **Lukewarm:** memeology 101

 **(e)Vans:** yeah that makes a lot more sense

 **(e)Vans:** the only thing is i wasnt shit talking anyone

 **Ratalui:** tru but at leats u learned about a new meme

 **(e)Vans:** t ru

 **Smitten:** tbh it doesnt have to be shit talking but it s common for shit talking

 **Lukewarm:** this conversaiton feels too seirous for this chat but then its like “Wait its about memes”

 **Papi Ryan:** when isnt the conversation about memes in this chaat

 **Lukewarm:** u right

 **Smitten:** damn u right

 **Lukewarm:** JINX

 **Smitten:** JINX

 

**December 13th 10:59 pm**

 

**Spicy Brycey - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

 **Spicy Brycey:** i just realized something

 **Dad™:** what?

 **Spicy Brycey:** jon created our nicknames right

 **Scooter:** ye

 **Smitten:** yeah

 **Spicy Brycey:** he didnt spell cello correctly

 **Davey jones locker:**???

 **Ty dye:** fucking idiot

 **Dad™:** rip marcel  omg

 **Spicy Brycey:** is it only us on rn??

 **Ty dye:** craig went to bed a couple minutes ago bc he has class in the morning so

 **Dad™:** brock fell asleep on my bed and so im just letting him rest

 **Scooter:** ooo, dont have too much fun ;)) but marcel went to the lubrary to study

 **Davey jones locker:** lui is asleep

 **Spicy Brycey:** ahh, so most of our partners are asleep ig (aside smitty & scotty)

 **Smitten:** i sometimes wish i had a partner but then sometimes im like “single life is great”

 **Dad™:** single life can be great but when you meet a certain person your whole world can be turned upside down tbh and it can be the actual worst

 **Scooter:** oh god i remember that

 **Scooter:** the fear of unrequited love was so strong it was the worst

 **Ty dye:** tbh i spent more time with craig for a long fucking time than alone before we dated

 **Davey jones locker:** i feel bad for being an oblivious fuck for lui bc i think i hurt him for not realizing that he was flirting with me for a while

 **Ty dye:** oh god i remember him flirting with you for so long and you still didnt get the message and even though you really like him you still didnt know how to show it

 **Scooter:** marcel is a fucking pussy when it comes to his feelings

 **Spicy Brycey:** what does that mean?

 **Scooter:** he sucks at admitting them, like, i completely forgive him for this but he made me so unsure so often and it was so stressful

 **Dad™:** damn, that sucks

 **Smitten:** wbu brian?? was brock obvious

 **Dad™:** brock was the first one to actually have feelings ahah

 **Ty dye:** ^^i can back that up

 **Dad™:** i remember he tried hard for a while and idk i think i was in denial of being gay bc,, i dont know, i was an angsty boy ig but when i realized my feelings brock had stopped trying??? I got scared and i kept my feelings super lowkey and tried to impress him without having him notice i was doing it for him but when i realized my feelings it sucked bc all of my thoughts were constantly about him and i ddidnt really have anyone to tell at that time??

 **Smitten:** damn

 **Ty dye:** damn indeed

 **Scooter:** damb

 **Smitten:** damb?

 **Scooter:** damb

 **Smitten:** damb damb damb

 **Scooter:** damb damb!

 **Smitten:** damb damb damb..

 **Ty dye:** SHUT THE FUKC UP

 **Davey jones locker:** i love how we were on such a serious topic then you guys did this

 **Davey jones locker:** but im gonna log off and sleep, nice talking to you guys about this ^^

 **Smitten:** it was nice. goodnight guys

 **Spicy Brycey:** im gonna go too

 **Dad™:** goodnight children

 

_Davey jones locker has logged off_

_Smitten has logged off_

_Spicy Brycey has logged off_

_Scooter has logged off_

 

 **Dad™:** isnt it a bit weird that bryce didnt really say anything about his feelings?

 **Ty dye:** maybe. he could just be a closed off guy?

 **Dad™:** yeah, im gonna go too though. I wanna cuddle my bf

 **Ty dye:** go make up for lost feelings ;) goodnight brian

 **Dad™:** night ty

 

 _Dad™_ _has logged off_

_Ty dye has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been so long since ive used '____ has logged off' but i hope you guys enjoyed the chapter !!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been really !!^@& so this chapter doesnt have much to it ;; sincerest apologies

**December 17 9:56 pm**

 

**Jonny boy - Spicy Brycey, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

 **Jonny boy:** what the fuck shrek is actually really cute

 **Ratalui:** do u have an ogre fetish

 **Mom™:** oh my

 **Jonny boy:** NDIOWQNFIUWQ NONOO

 **Jonny boy:** I EMANT THE MOVIE

 **Ratalui:** mhmm

 **Ratalui:** any alibis to back you up?

 **Jonny boy:** YES, LUKE

 **Jonny boy:** luke and i are watching shrek 4 and its when shreks dying

 **Papi Ryan:** wow spoiler alert thanks

 **Jonny boy:** and he goes like “you know what the best part of today was?”-

 **Jonny boy:** shut up ryan

 **Ty dye:** oh FUCK

 **Ratalui:** #burned

 **Jonny boy:** -”i got the chance to fall in love with you all over again”

 **Lukewarm:** he did actually go aww at that part

 **Jonny boy:** SEEEE

 **Lukewarm:** also rip ryan damn

**Craigo my eggo:**

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.  
  
But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only  
  
be broken by love's first kiss.  
  
She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing  
  
dragon.  
  
Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,  
  
but non prevailed.  
  
She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest  
  
tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.  
  
{Laughing}  
  
Like that's ever gonna happen.  
  
{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}  
  
What a load of -  
  
  
  
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me  
  
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed  
  
She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb  
  
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead  
  
The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'  
  
Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'  
  
Didn't make sense not to live for fun  
  
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb  
  
So much to do so much to see  
  
So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets  
  
You'll never know if you don't go  
  
You'll never shine if you don't glow  
  
Hey, now You're an all-star  
  
Get your game on, go play  
  
Hey, now You're a rock star  
  
Get the show on, get paid  
  
And all that glitters is gold  
  
Only shootin' stars break the mold  
  
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder  
  
You're bundled up now but wait till you get older  
  
But the meteor men beg to differ  
  
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture  
  
The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin  
  
The water's getting warm so you might as well swim  
  
My world's on fire  
  
How 'bout yours  
  
That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored  
  
Hey, now, you're an all-star  
  
{Shouting}  
  
Get your game on, go play  
  
Hey, now You're a rock star  
  
Get the show on, get paid  
  
And all that glitters is gold  
  
Only shootin' stars break the mold  
  
{Belches}  
  
Go!  
  
Go!  
  
{Record Scratching}  
  
Go. Go.Go.  
  
Hey, now, you're an all-star  
  
Get your game on, go play  
  
Hey, now You're a rock star  
  
Get the show on, get paid  
  
And all that glitters is gold  
  
Only shootin' stars break the mold  
  
  
  
-Think it's in there?  
  
-All right. Let's get it!  
  
-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?  
  
-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.  
  
{Laughs}  
  
-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.  
  
Now, ogres - - They're much worse.  
  
They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.  
  
-No!  
  
-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!  
  
Actually, it's quite good on toast.  
  
-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!  
  
{Gasping}  
  
-Right.  
  
{Roaring}  
  
{Shouting}  
  
{Roaring}  
  
{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.  
  
{Gasping}  
  
{Laughs}  
  
{Laughing} And stay out!  
  
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."  
  
{Sighs}  
  
{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.  
  
-Take it away!  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Move it along. Come on! Get up!  
  
-Next!  
  
-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.  
  
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!  
  
-Get up! Come on!  
  
-Twenty pieces.  
  
{Thudding}  
  
-Sit down there!  
  
-Keep quiet!  
  
{Crying}  
  
-This cage is too small.  
  
-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.  
  
I can change. Please! Give me another chance!  
  
-Oh, shut up.  
  
-Oh!  
  
-Next!  
  
-What have you got?  
  
-This little wooden puppet.  
  
-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.  
  
-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.  
  
-Father, please! Don't let them do this!  
  
-Help me!  
  
-Next! What have you got?  
  
-Well, I've got a talking donkey.  
  
{Grunts}  
  
-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.  
  
-Oh, go ahead, little fella.  
  
-Well?  
  
-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.  
  
He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -  
  
-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!  
  
-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.  
  
I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.  
  
-Get her out of my sight.  
  
-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Hey! I can fly!  
  
-He can fly!  
  
-He can fly!  
  
-He can talk!  
  
-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.  
  
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly  
  
but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!  
  
Oh-oh.  
  
{Grunts}  
  
-Seize him!  
  
-After him! He's getting away!  
  
{Grunts, Gasps}  
  
{Man}  
  
-Get him! This way! Turn!  
  
-You there. Orge!  
  
-Aye?  
  
-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under  
  
arrest  
  
and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.  
  
-Oh, really? You and what army?  
  
{Gasps, Whimpering}  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
-Can I say something to you?  
  
-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.  
  
Incredible!  
  
Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!  
  
-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great  
  
back here? Those guards!  
  
They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They  
  
was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made  
  
me feel good to see that.  
  
-Oh, that's great. Really.  
  
-Man, it's good to be free.  
  
-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?  
  
Hmm?  
  
-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by  
  
myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.  
  
You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit  
  
out of anybody that crosses us.  
  
{Roaring}  
  
-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that  
  
don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you  
  
definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!  
  
You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -  
  
{Mumbling}  
  
Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my  
  
butt that day.  
  
-Why are you following me?  
  
-I'll tell you why.  
  
  
  
'Cause I'm all alone  
  
There's no one here beside me  
  
My promlems have all gone  
  
There's no one to deride me  
  
But you gotta heve friends - -  
  
  
  
-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.  
  
-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.  
  
-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?  
  
-Uh - - Really tall?  
  
-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't  
  
that bother you?  
  
-Nope.  
  
-Really?  
  
-Really, really.  
  
-Oh.  
  
-Man, I like you. What's you name?  
  
-Uh, Shrek.  
  
-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?  
  
You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.  
  
I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.  
  
Who'd want to live in place like that?  
  
-That would be my home.  
  
-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a  
  
decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I  
  
like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.  
  
-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?  
  
-I like my privacy.  
  
-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I  
  
hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them  
  
a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.  
  
-Can I stay with you?  
  
-Uh, what?  
  
-Can I stay with you, please?  
  
-Of course!  
  
-Really?  
  
-No.  
  
-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to  
  
be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta  
  
stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!  
  
-Okay! Okay! But one night only.  
  
-Ah! Thank you!  
  
-What are you - - No! No!  
  
-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,  
  
and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.  
  
-Oh!  
  
-Where do, uh, I sleep?  
  
-Outside!  
  
-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you  
  
don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.  
  
{Sniffles}  
  
-Here I go.  
  
-Good night.  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.  
  
I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,  
  
outside.  
  
  
  
I'm all alone  
  
There's no one here beside me  
  
{Bubbling}  
  
{Sighs}  
  
{Creaking}  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-I thought I told you to stay outside.  
  
-I'm outside.  
  
{Clattering}  
  
-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we  
  
have?  
  
-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.  
  
-What a lovely bed.  
  
-Got ya.  
  
{Sniffs} I found some cheese.  
  
-Ow! {Grunts}  
  
-Blah! Awful stuff.  
  
-Is that you, Gorder?  
  
-How did you know?  
  
-Enough! What are you doing in my house?  
  
{Grunts}  
  
-Hey!  
  
{Snickers}  
  
-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.  
  
-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.  
  
-Huh?  
  
{Gusps}  
  
{Male voice} What?  
  
-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I  
  
have to do get a little privacy?  
  
-Aah!  
  
-Oh, no. No! No!  
  
{Cackling}  
  
-What?  
  
-Quit it.  
  
-Don't push.  
  
{Squeaking}  
  
{Lows}  
  
\- What are you doing in my swamp?  
  
{Echoing}  
  
Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!  
  
{Gasping}  
  
-Oh, dear!  
  
-Whoa!  
  
-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!  
  
Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!  
  
-Quickly. Come on!  
  
-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.  
  
-Oh!  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.  
  
-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.  
  
-What?  
  
-We were forced to come here.  
  
-By who?  
  
-Lord Farquaad.  
  
-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?  
  
{Murmuring}  
  
-Oh, I do. I know where he is.  
  
-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?  
  
-Me! Me!  
  
-Anyone?  
  
-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.  
  
Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy  
  
Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came  
  
from!  
  
{Cheering}  
  
{Twittering}  
  
-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.  
  
\- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two  
  
stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!  
  
-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.  
  
-Hey. Oh, oh!  
  
-I can't wait to get on the road again.  
  
-What did I say about singing?  
  
-Can I whistle?  
  
-No.  
  
-Can I hum it?  
  
-All right, hum it.  
  
{Humming}  
  
  
  
{Grunts}  
  
{Whimpering}  
  
-That's enough. He's ready to talk.  
  
{Coughing}  
  
{Laughing}  
  
{Clears throat}  
  
-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the  
  
gingerbread man!  
  
-You are a monster.  
  
-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy  
  
tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the  
  
others?  
  
-Eat me!{Grunts}  
  
-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached  
  
its end! Tell me or I'll - -  
  
-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.  
  
-All right then. Who's hiding them?  
  
-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?  
  
-The muffin man?  
  
-The muffin man.  
  
-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?  
  
-Well, she's married to the muffin man.  
  
-The muffin man?  
  
-The muffin man!  
  
-She's married to the muffin man.  
  
{Door opens}  
  
-My lord! We found it.  
  
-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.  
  
{Man grunting}  
  
{Gasping}  
  
-Oh!  
  
-Magic mirror - -  
  
-Don't tell him anything!  
  
-No!  
  
{Ginerbread man whispers}  
  
-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect  
  
kingdom of them all?  
  
-Well, technically you're not a king.  
  
-Uh, Thelonius.  
  
-You were saying?  
  
-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one.  All  
  
you have to do is marry a princess.  
  
-Go on.  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to  
  
meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette  
  
number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.  
  
She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking  
  
and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.  
  
-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of  
  
fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just  
  
kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come  
  
on. Give it up for Snow White!  
  
-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a  
  
fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling  
  
lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes  
  
pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,  
  
Princess Fiona!  
  
-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or  
  
bachelorette number three?  
  
-Two! Two!  
  
-Three! Three!  
  
-Two! Two!  
  
-Three!  
  
-Three? One?  
  
{Shudders} Three?  
  
\--Three! Pick number three, my lord!  
  
-Okay, okay, uh, number three!  
  
-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.  
  
  
  
If you like pina coladas  
  
And getting caught in the rain  
  
  
  
-Princess Fiona.  
  
  
  
If you're not into yoga  
  
  
  
-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -  
  
-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.  
  
-I'll do it.  
  
-Yes, but after sunset - -  
  
-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will  
  
finally have the perfect king!  
  
Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.  
  
  
  
-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd  
  
find it.  
  
-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.  
  
-Uh-huh. That's the place.  
  
-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?  
  
{Laughs}  
  
{Groans}  
  
-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.  
  
-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.  
  
-Hey, you!  
  
{Screams}  
  
-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -  
  
{Whimpering}  
  
{Sighs}  
  
{Whimpering, Groans}  
  
{Turnstile clatters}  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-It's quiet. Too quiet.  
  
{Creaking}  
  
-Where is everybody?  
  
-Hey, look at this!  
  
{Clattering, whirring, clicking}  
  
Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town  
  
Here we have some rules  
  
Let us lay them down  
  
Don't make waves, stay in line  
  
And we'll get along fine  
  
DuLoc is perfect place  
  
Please keep off of the grass  
  
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face  
  
DuLoc is, DuLoc is  
  
DuLoc is perfect ...... place  
  
{Camera shutter clicks  
  
{Whirring}  
  
-Wow! Let's do that again!  
  
-No. No. No, no, no! No.  
  
{Trumpet fanfare}  
  
{Crowd cheering}  
  
-Brave knights.  
  
-You are the best and brightest in all the land.  
  
-Today one of you shall prove himself - -  
  
-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.  
  
-Sorry about that.  
  
{Cheering}  
  
-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go  
  
forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the  
  
dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first  
  
runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae  
  
die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.  
  
{Cheering}  
  
-Let the tournament begin!  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Oh!  
  
-What is that?  
  
{Gasping}  
  
-It's hideous!  
  
-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.  
  
-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named  
  
champion! Have it him!  
  
-Get him!  
  
-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.  
  
-Go ahead! Get him!  
  
-Can't we just settle this over a pint?  
  
-Kill the beast!  
  
-No? All right then. Come on!  
  
  
  
I don't give a damn about my reputation  
  
You're living in the past  
  
It's a new generation  
  
  
  
-Damn!  
  
{Whinnying}  
  
  
  
A girl can do what she wants to do  
  
And that's what I'm gonna do  
  
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation  
  
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me  
  
Me, me, me  
  
  
  
-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!  
  
  
  
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation  
  
Never said I wanted to improve my station  
  
  
  
-Ah!  
  
{Laughs}  
  
  
  
And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun  
  
  
  
-Yeah!  
  
  
  
And I don't have to please no one  
  
  
  
-The chair! Give him the chair!  
  
  
  
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation  
  
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me  
  
Me, me, me  
  
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me  
  
{Bell dings}  
  
{Cheering}  
  
{Laughs}  
  
-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till  
  
Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!  
  
{Shrek laughs}  
  
{Crowd gasping, murmuring}  
  
-Shall I give the order, sir?  
  
-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!  
  
-What?  
  
-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great  
  
and noble quest.  
  
-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.  
  
-Your swamp?  
  
-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!  
  
{Crowd murmuring}  
  
-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for  
  
me, and I'll give you your swamp back.  
  
-Exactly the way it was?  
  
-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.  
  
-And the squatters?  
  
-As good as gone.  
  
-What kind of quest?  
  
-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a  
  
princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only  
  
don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.  
  
-Is that about right?  
  
-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.  
  
-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on  
  
him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make  
  
your bread, the whole orge trip.  
  
-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and  
  
put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and  
  
drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?  
  
-Uh, no, not really, no.  
  
-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.  
  
-Example?  
  
-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.  
  
-{Sniffs} They stink?  
  
-Yes - - No!  
  
-They make you cry?  
  
-No!  
  
-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little  
  
white hairs.  
  
-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have  
  
layers. You get it? We both have layers.  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes  
  
onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.  
  
-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.  
  
-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a  
  
person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like  
  
no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.  
  
-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like  
  
onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.  
  
-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.  
  
-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or  
  
something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start  
  
slobbering.  
  
  
  
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today  
  
Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh  
  
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today  
  
Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh  
  
And everything that you receive up yonder  
  
Is what you give to me the day I wander  
  
I'm on my way  
  
I'm on my way  
  
I'm on my way  
  
  
  
-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?  
  
-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was  
  
open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's  
  
brimstone We must be getting close.  
  
-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I  
  
know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone  
  
neither.  
  
{Rumbling}  
  
-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.  
  
{Laughing}  
  
-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?  
  
-Oh, aye.  
  
-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have  
  
layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.  
  
-Wait a second.  Donkeys don't have sleeves.  
  
-You know what I mean.  
  
-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.  
  
-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over  
  
a boiling like of lava!  
  
-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional  
  
support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step  
  
at a time.  
  
-Really?  
  
-Really, really.  
  
-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.  
  
-Just keep moving. And don't look  down.  
  
-Okay, don't look  down. Don't look  down. Don't look  down. Keep on  
  
moving. Don't look  down.  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,  
  
please!  
  
-But you're already halfway.  
  
-But I know that half is safe!  
  
-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.  
  
-Shrek, no! Wait!  
  
-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?  
  
-Don't do that!  
  
-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?  
  
-Oh, this?  
  
-Yes, that!  
  
-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.  
  
{Screams}  
  
-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!  
  
-You said do it! I'm doin' it.  
  
-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!  
  
-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.  
  
-Cool.  
  
-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?  
  
-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.  
  
{Water dripping, wind howling}  
  
-You afraid?  
  
-No.  
  
-But - -  
  
\- Shh.  
  
-Oh, good. Me neither.  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible  
  
response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I  
  
might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and  
  
breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little  
  
scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if  
  
you can find any stairs.  
  
-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.  
  
-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest  
  
tower.  
  
-What makes you think she'll be there?  
  
-I read it in a book once.  
  
-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those  
  
stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way  
  
they're goin'.  
  
{Creacing}  
  
-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with  
  
me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a  
  
step right here. I'd step all over it.  
  
-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -  
  
-Dragon!  
  
{Screams}  
  
{Gasps}  
  
{Roars}  
  
-Donkey, look out!  
  
{Screams}  
  
{Whimpering}  
  
-Got ya!  
  
{Roars}  
  
{Gasps}  
  
{Shouts}  
  
-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!  
  
{Screaming}  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Oh! Aah! Aah!  
  
{Gasping}  
  
{Crowls}  
  
-No. Oh, no, No!  
  
{Screams}  
  
-Oh, what large teeth you have.  
  
{Crowls}  
  
-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time  
  
from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile  
  
you got  there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know  
  
what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of  
  
course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.  
  
What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.  
  
Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -  
  
(Coughs)  
  
-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna  
  
blow smoke rings. Shrek!  
  
{Gasps}  
  
{Whimpering}  
  
-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!  
  
{Groans, Sighs}  
  
{Vocalizing}  
  
-Oh! Oh!  
  
-Wake up!  
  
-What?  
  
-Are you Princess Fiona?  
  
-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.  
  
-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!  
  
-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be  
  
a wonderful, romantic moment?  
  
-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.  
  
-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out  
  
yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.  
  
-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?  
  
-Mm-hmm.  
  
{Screams, grunts}  
  
-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for  
  
me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!  
  
-I don't think so.  
  
-Can I at least know the name of my champion?  
  
-Um, Shrek.  
  
-Sir Shrek.  
  
{Cleans throat}  
  
-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.  
  
-Thanks!  
  
{Roaring}  
  
-You didn't slay the dragon?  
  
-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!  
  
{Screams}  
  
-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,  
  
banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.  
  
-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.  
  
-That's not the point. Oh!  
  
-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.  
  
-Well, I have to save my ass.  
  
-What kind of knight are you?  
  
-One of a kind.  
  
-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to  
  
know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.  
  
{Laughs}  
  
-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not  
  
emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - -  Magnitude really  
  
is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted  
  
physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back  
  
up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to  
  
know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,  
  
but I just love receiving cards - -  I'd really love to stay, but - -  
  
Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna  
  
tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with  
  
that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!  
  
{Growls}  
  
{Roaring}  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Hi, Princess!  
  
-It talks!  
  
-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.  
  
{Screams}  
  
{Screaming}  
  
-Oh!  
  
{Thuds}  
  
{Groans}  
  
{Roars}  
  
{Roaring}  
  
-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.  
  
{Fchoing}  
  
-Run!  
  
{Gasping}  
  
{Screaming}  
  
{Roaring}  
  
{Screams}  
  
{Roars}  
  
{Panting, sighs}  
  
{Whimpers}  
  
{Roars}  
  
-You did it!  
  
-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.  
  
You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and  
  
thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.  
  
{Clears throat}  
  
-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?  
  
-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a  
  
steed.  
  
-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.  
  
-Uh, no.  
  
-Why not?  
  
-I have helmet hair.  
  
-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.  
  
-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.  
  
-But how will you kiss me?  
  
-What? That wasn't in the job description.  
  
-Maybe it's a perk.  
  
-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in  
  
a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then  
  
they share true love's first kiss.  
  
-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you  
  
true love?  
  
-Well, yes.  
  
{Laughing}  
  
-You think Shrek is your true love!  
  
-What is so funny?  
  
-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?  
  
-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your  
  
helmet.  
  
-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.  
  
-Just take off the helmet.  
  
-I'm not going to.  
  
-Take ot off.  
  
-No!  
  
-Now!  
  
-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.  
  
-You- - You're a- - an orge.  
  
-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.  
  
-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed  
  
to be an orge.  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the  
  
one who wants to marry you.  
  
-Then why didn't he come rescue me?  
  
-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.  
  
-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -  
  
his pet.  
  
-So much for noble steed.  
  
-You're not making my job any easier.  
  
-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad  
  
that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right  
  
here.  
  
-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.  
  
-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!  
  
-Ya comin', Donkey?  
  
-I'm right behind ya.  
  
-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not  
  
dignified! Put me down!  
  
-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,  
  
right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down  
  
real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a  
  
crisp and eaten?  
  
-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what  
  
happens when you find your - -  Hey!  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.  
  
-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!  
  
-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?  
  
-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in  
  
short supply.  
  
{Laughs}  
  
-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.  
  
-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never  
  
measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.  
  
-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the  
  
"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.  
  
-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?  
  
-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.  
  
-But there's robbers in the woods.  
  
-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.  
  
-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this  
  
forest.  
  
-I need to find somewhere to camp now!  
  
{Birds wings fluttering}  
  
{Grunting}  
  
-Hey! Over here.  
  
-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a  
  
princess.  
  
-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.  
  
-Homey touches? Like what?  
  
{Crashing}  
  
-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.  
  
-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.  
  
-I said good night!  
  
-Shrek, What are you doing?  
  
{Laughs}  
  
-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.  
  
{Fire cracking}  
  
-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over  
  
three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.  
  
-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?  
  
-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,  
  
there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.  
  
-I know you're making this up.  
  
-No, look. There he is,  and there's the group of hunters running away  
  
from his stench.  
  
-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.  
  
-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?  
  
Forget it.  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?  
  
-Our swamp?  
  
-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.  
  
-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my  
  
swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my  
  
land.  
  
-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what  
  
I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody  
  
out.  
  
-No, do ya think?  
  
-Are you hidin' something?  
  
-Never mind, Donkey.  
  
-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?  
  
-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.  
  
-Why don't you want to talk about it?  
  
-Why do you want to talk about it?  
  
-Why are you blocking?  
  
-I'm not blocking.  
  
-Oh, yes, you are.  
  
-Donkey, I'm warning you.  
  
-Who you trying to keep out?  
  
-Everyone! Okay?  
  
-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.  
  
-Oh! For the love of Pete!  
  
-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?  
  
-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that  
  
seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.  
  
"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they  
  
even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.  
  
-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,  
  
stupid, ugly orge.  
  
-Yeah, I know.  
  
-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?  
  
-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.  
  
-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one  
  
there?  
  
-That's the moon.  
  
-Oh, okay.  
  
  
  
{Orchestra}  
  
{Dulcimer}  
  
-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the  
  
princess.  
  
-Hmph.  
  
-Ah. Perfect.  
  
{Inhales}  
  
  
  
{Snoring}  
  
{Vocalizing}  
  
{Whistling}  
  
{Sizzling}  
  
{Sniffs, yawns}  
  
-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.  
  
\--Come on, baby. I said I like it.  
  
-Donkey, wake up.  
  
-Huh? What?  
  
-Wake up.  
  
-What?  
  
-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?  
  
-Good morning, Princess!  
  
-What's all this about?  
  
-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to  
  
make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.  
  
-Uh, thanks.  
  
{Sniffs}  
  
-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.  
  
{Belches}  
  
-Shrek!  
  
-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}  
  
-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.  
  
{Belches}  
  
-Thanks.  
  
-She's as nasty as you are.  
  
-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.  
  
-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.  
  
{Vocalizing}  
  
  
  
-La liberte! Hey!  
  
-Princess!  
  
{Laughs}  
  
-What are you doing?  
  
-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from  
  
this green - -  
  
{Kissing sounds}  
  
-beast.  
  
-Hey!  
  
-That's my princess! Go find you own!  
  
-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?  
  
-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!  
  
-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry  
  
Men.  
  
{Laughs}  
  
  
  
{Accordion}  
  
Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.  
  
I steal from the rich and give to the needy.  
  
He takes a wee percentage,  
  
But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels  
  
Man, I'm good  
  
What a guy, Monsieur Hood  
  
Break it down  
  
I like an honest fight  
  
and a saucy little maid  
  
What he's basically saying  
  
is he likes to get - -  
  
Paid  
  
So  
  
When an orge in the bush  
  
grabs a lady by the tush  
  
That's bad  
  
That's bad  
  
When a beauty's with a beast  
  
it makes me awfully mad  
  
He's mad  
  
He's really, really mad  
  
I'll take my blade and  
  
ram it through your heart  
  
Keep your eyes on me, boys  
  
'cause I'm about to start  
  
  
  
{Grunts, Groans}  
  
{Karate Yell}  
  
{Merry Men Gasping}  
  
{Panting}  
  
-Man, that was annoying!  
  
-Oh, you little- -  
  
{Karate Yell}  
  
{Accordion}  
  
{Shouting, groaning}  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
-Uh, shall we?  
  
-Hold the phone.  
  
{Grunts}  
  
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?  
  
-What?  
  
-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?  
  
-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these  
  
things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!  
  
-What? Oh, would you look at that?  
  
-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.  
  
-Why? What's wrong?  
  
-Shrek's hurt.  
  
-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.  
  
-Donkey, I'm okay.  
  
-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep  
  
you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the  
  
Heimlich?  
  
-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and  
  
find me a blue flower with red thorns.  
  
-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.  
  
Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!  
  
-{Both} Donkey!  
  
-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.  
  
-What are the flowers for?  
  
-For getting rid of Donkey.  
  
-Ah.  
  
-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.  
  
-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.  
  
-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.  
  
-No, it's tender.  
  
-Now, hold on.  
  
-What you're doing is the opposite of help.  
  
-Don't move.  
  
-Look, time out.  
  
-Would you - -  
  
{Grunts}  
  
-Okay. What do you propose we do?  
  
-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red  
  
thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue  
  
flower, red thorns.  
  
-Ow!  
  
-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!  
  
-Ow! Not good.  
  
-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.  
  
{Grunts}  
  
-It's just about - -  
  
-Ow! Ohh!  
  
-Ahem.  
  
-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -  
  
-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?  
  
-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was  
  
just- - Ugh!  
  
-Ow!  
  
-Hey, what's that?  
  
{Nervous chickle}  
  
-That's- - Is that blood?  
  
{Sighs}  
  
{Bird chirping}  
  
{Grunts}  
  
  
  
My beloved monster and me  
  
We go everywhere together  
  
Wearin' a raincoat  
  
that has four sleeves  
  
Gets us through all kinds of weather  
  
  
  
-Aah!  
  
  
  
She will always be the only thing  
  
That comes between me and the awful sting  
  
That comes from living in a world  
  
that's so damn mean  
  
{Croaks}  
  
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh  
  
-Hey!  
  
La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la  
  
{Both laughing}  
  
La-la, la-la, la-la  
  
  
  
-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.  
  
-That's DuLoc?  
  
-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for  
  
something,  which I think means he has a really - - Ow!  
  
-Um, I, uh- -  I guess we better move on.  
  
-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.  
  
{Blubbering}  
  
-What?  
  
-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.  
  
-What are you talking about? I'm fine.  
  
-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on  
  
your back. Dead.  
  
-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?  
  
-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.  
  
-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and  
  
when I turn my head like this, look,  
  
{Bones crunch}  
  
-Ow! See?  
  
-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.  
  
-I'll get the firewood.  
  
-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any  
  
toes! I think I need a hug.  
  
  
  
-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?  
  
-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.  
  
-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.  
  
-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I  
  
make a mean weedrat stew.  
  
{Chuckling}  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.  
  
{Gulps}  
  
-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind  
  
of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
-I'd like that.  
  
{Slurps, laughs}  
  
  
  
See the pyramids along the Nile  
  
  
  
-Um, Princess?  
  
  
  
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle  
  
  
  
-Yes, Shrek?  
  
-I, um, I was wondering.  
  
  
  
Just remember, darling all the while  
  
  
  
-Are you- -  
  
  
  
You belong to me  
  
  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-Are you gonna eat that?  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.  
  
-Sunset?  
  
-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.  
  
-What?  
  
-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,  
  
aren't you?  
  
-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.  
  
-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until  
  
\- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.  
  
{Shrek sighs}  
  
-Good night.  
  
-Good night.  
  
{Door creaks}  
  
-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.  
  
-Oh, what are you talkin' about?  
  
-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.  
  
And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.  
  
-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.  
  
-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in  
  
and tell her how you feel.  
  
-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,  
  
well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a  
  
princess, and I'm - -  
  
-An orge?  
  
-Yeah. An orge.  
  
-Hey, where you goin'?  
  
-To get... move firewood.  
  
{Sighs}  
  
  
  
-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?  
  
{Wings fluttering}  
  
-Princess?  
  
{Creaking}  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.  
  
{Screams}  
  
-Aah!  
  
-Oh, no!  
  
-No, help!  
  
-Shh!  
  
-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!  
  
-No, it's okay. It's okay.  
  
-What did you do with the princess?  
  
-Donkey, I'm the princess.  
  
-Aah!  
  
-It's me, in this body.  
  
-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?  
  
-Donkey!  
  
-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!  
  
-No!  
  
-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!  
  
-Shh.  
  
-Shrek!  
  
-This is me.  
  
{Muffled mumbling}  
  
-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.  
  
-I'm ugly, okay?  
  
-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats  
  
was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -  
  
-No.  
  
-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.  
  
-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.  
  
-It's only happens when sun goes down.  
  
"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you  
  
find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."  
  
-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.  
  
-It's a spell.  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I  
  
become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to  
  
await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry  
  
Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.  
  
{Sobs}  
  
-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not  
  
that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look  
  
like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.  
  
-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant  
  
to look.  
  
-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?  
  
-I have to.  Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.  
  
-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you  
  
got a lot in common.  
  
-Shrek?  
  
  
  
-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for  
  
me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's  
  
pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might  
  
like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -  
  
-  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.  
  
-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I  
  
mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?  
  
"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here  
  
with Shrek.  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.  
  
{Deep sigh}  
  
-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only  
  
way to break the spell.  
  
-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.  
  
-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.  
  
-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?  
  
-Promise you won't tell. Promise!  
  
-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know  
  
before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.  
  
-Look at my eye twitchin'.  
  
{Door opens}  
  
{Snoring}  
  
-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.  
  
-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -  
  
{Snoring}  
  
-Shrek. Are you all right?  
  
-Perfect! Never been better.  
  
-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.  
  
-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last  
  
night.  
  
-You heard what I said?  
  
-Every word.  
  
-I thought you'd understand.  
  
-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly  
  
beast?"  
  
-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.  
  
-Yeah? Well, it does.  
  
{Gasps, sighs}  
  
-Ah, right on time.  
  
{Horse whinnies}  
  
-Princess, I've brought you a little something.  
  
{Fanfare}  
  
{Yawns}  
  
-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?  
  
{Muffled}  
  
-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.  
  
-Princess Fiona.  
  
-As promised. Now hand it over.  
  
-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.  
  
-Take it and go before I change my mind.  
  
-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I  
  
have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.  
  
-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.  
  
{Snaps fingers}  
  
-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.  
  
-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the  
  
orge. It's not like it has feelings.  
  
-No, you're right. It doesn't.  
  
-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in  
  
marriage.  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?  
  
-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -  
  
-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!  
  
-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun  
  
sets.  
  
-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's  
  
so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest  
  
list. Captain, round up some guests!  
  
-Fare-thee-well, orge.  
  
-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.  
  
-Yeah? So what?  
  
-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to  
  
her last night, She's - -  
  
-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?  
  
Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?  
  
-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.  
  
-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!  
  
My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,  
  
pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!  
  
-But I thought - -  
  
-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!  
  
-Shrek.  
  
  
  
I heard there was a secret chord  
  
That David played and it pleased the Lord  
  
But you don't really care for music, do ya  
  
It goes like this the fourth, the fifth  
  
The minor fall the major lift  
  
The baffled king composing hallelujah  
  
Hallelujah,  hallelujah  
  
Baby, I've been here before  
  
I know this room I've walked this floor  
  
I used to live alone before I knew you  
  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
  
But love is not a victory march  
  
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah  
  
Hallelujah,  hallelujah  
  
And all I ever learned from love  
  
Is how to shoot at someone  
  
Who outdrew you  
  
{Moaning}  
  
And it's not a cry you can hear at night  
  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
  
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah  
  
{Moaning}  
  
Hallelujah,  hallelujah  
  
  
  
{Thumping sound}  
  
-Donkey?  
  
{Grunts}  
  
-What are you doing?  
  
-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see  
  
one.  
  
-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not  
  
through it.  
  
-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.  
  
-Oh! Your half. Hmm.  
  
-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I  
  
get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks  
  
like your head.  
  
-Back off!  
  
-No, you back off.  
  
-This is my swamp!  
  
-Our swamp.  
  
-Let go, Donkey!  
  
-You let go.  
  
-Stubborn jackass!  
  
-Smelly orge.  
  
-Fine!  
  
-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.  
  
-Well, I'm through with you.  
  
-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess  
  
what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are  
  
mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!  
  
You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.  
  
-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?  
  
-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!  
  
-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in  
  
the back!  
  
-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your  
  
own feelings.  
  
-Go away!  
  
-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she  
  
ever do was like you, maybe even love you.  
  
-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of  
  
you talking.  
  
-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody  
  
else.  
  
-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?  
  
-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.  
  
Right? Right?  
  
-Donkey!  
  
-No!  
  
-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?  
  
{Sighs}  
  
-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you  
  
forgive me?  
  
-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?  
  
-Right. Friends?  
  
-Friends.  
  
-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?  
  
-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?  
  
-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.  
  
-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I  
  
have a way.  
  
{Whistles}  
  
-Donkey?  
  
-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.  
  
{Laughing}  
  
-Aw, come here, you.  
  
-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.  
  
All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install  
  
the seat belts yet.  
  
-Whoo!  
  
{Bells tolling}  
  
{All gasping}  
  
-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....  
  
-Um-  
  
-of our new king - -  
  
-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?  
  
{Chuckling}  
  
-Go on.  
  
-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about  
  
that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't  
  
you?  
  
-What are you talking about?  
  
-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak  
  
now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"  
  
-I don't have time for this!  
  
-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this  
  
woman, don't you?  
  
-Yes.  
  
-You wanna hold her?  
  
-Yes.  
  
-Please her?  
  
-Yes!  
  
-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that  
  
romantic crap!  
  
-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?  
  
-We gotta check it out.  
  
  
  
-And so, by the power vested in me,  
  
-What do you see?  
  
-The whole town's in there.  
  
-I now pronounce you husband and wife,  
  
-They're at the altar.  
  
-king and queen.  
  
-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.  
  
-Oh, for the love of Pete!  
  
{Grunts}  
  
-I object!  
  
-Shrek?  
  
{Gasps}  
  
-Oh, now what does he want?  
  
-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.  
  
Very clean.  
  
-What are you doing here?  
  
-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but  
  
showing up uninvited to a wedding - -  
  
-Fiona! I need to talk to you.  
  
-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll  
  
excuse me - -  
  
-But you can't marry him.  
  
-And why not?  
  
-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.  
  
-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.  
  
-He's not your true love.  
  
-And what do you know about true love?  
  
-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -  
  
-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!  
  
Oh, good Lord.  
  
{Crowd laughting}  
  
-An orge and a princess!  
  
-Shrek, is this true?  
  
-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away  
  
from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!  
  
-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.  
  
{Whimpers}  
  
{Crown gasping}  
  
-Well, uh, that explains a lot.  
  
-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of  
  
my sight now! Get them! Get them both!  
  
-No, no!  
  
-Shrek!  
  
-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that  
  
makes me king! See? See?  
  
-No, let go of me! Shrek!  
  
-No!  
  
-Don't just stand there, you morons.  
  
-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!  
  
-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and  
  
quartered!  
  
-You'll beg for death to save you!  
  
-No, Shrek!  
  
-And as for you, my wife,  
  
-Fiona!  
  
-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!  
  
-I'm king!  
  
{Whistles}  
  
-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!  
  
-Aah!  
  
-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to  
  
use it.  
  
{Roars}  
  
-I'm a donkey on the edge!  
  
{Belches}  
  
-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?  
  
{Cheering}  
  
-Go ahead, Shrek.  
  
-Uh, Fiona?  
  
-Yes, Shrek?  
  
-I - - I love you.  
  
-Really?  
  
-Really, really.  
  
\- I love you too.  
  
-Aawww!  
  
-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true  
  
form."  
  
-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."  
  
-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?  
  
-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.  
  
-But you ARE beautiful.  
  
{Chuckles}  
  
-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.  
  
  
  
I thought love was only true in fairy tales  
  
Oy!  
  
Meant for someone else but not for me  
  
Love was out to get me  
  
That's the way it seemed  
  
Disappointment haunted all my dreams  
  
And then I saw her face  
  
Now I'm a believer and not a trace  
  
Of doubt in my mind  
  
I'm in love  
  
Ooh-aah  
  
I'm a believer I couldn't leave her  
  
If I tried  
  
  
  
-God bless us, every one.  
  
  
  
Come on, y'all!  
  
Then I saw her face  
  
Ha-ha  
  
Now I'm a believer  
  
Listen!  
  
Not a trace  
  
Of doubt in my mind  
  
I'm in love  
  
Ooh-aah  
  
I'm a believer  
  
I couldn't leave her if I tried  
  
-Ooh!  
  
-Uh!  
  
Then I saw her face  
  
Now I'm a believer  
  
Hey!  
  
Not a trace  
  
Uhh! Yeah.  
  
Of doubt in my mind  
  
  
  
-One more time!  
  
I'm in love  
  
I'm a believer  
  
Come on!  
  
I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,  
  
I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey  
  
Y'all sing it with me!  
  
I  
  
Believe  
  
I believe  
  
People in the back!  
  
I believe  
  
I'm a believer  
  
I believe  
  
I believe  
  
I believe  
  
I believe  
  
{Hysterical laughing}  
  
-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.  
  
-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.  
  
  
  
I believe in self-assertion  
  
Destiny or a slight diversion  
  
Now it seems I've got my head on straight  
  
I'm a freak an apparition  
  
Seems I've made the right decision  
  
To try to turn back now it might be too late  
  
  
  
Now I want to stay home today  
  
Don't wanna go out  
  
If anyone comes to play  
  
Gonna get thrown out  
  
I wanna stay home today  
  
Don't want no company  
  
No way  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
  
  
I wanna be a millionaire someday  
  
But know what it feels like to give it away  
  
Watch me march to the beat of my own drum  
  
And it's off to the moon and then back again  
  
Same old day Same situation  
  
My happiness rears back as if to say  
  
  
  
I wanna stay home today  
  
Don't wanna go out  
  
If anyone comes to play  
  
Gonna get thrown out  
  
I wanna stay home today  
  
Don't want no company  
  
No way  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
  
  
I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........  
  
  
  
  
  
I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes  
  
My heart skips a beat  
  
Girl, I feel so alive  
  
Please tell me, baby, if all this is true  
  
'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
Makes me wanna dance  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
It's a new romance  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
I look into your eyes  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
The best years of our lives  
  
When we first met  
  
I could hardly believe  
  
The things that would happen  
  
and we could achieve  
  
So let's be together  
  
for all of our time  
  
Oh, girl, I'm so thankful  
  
that you are still mine  
  
You always consider me  
  
like an ugly duckling  
  
And treat me like a Nostradamus  
  
was why I had to get my shine on  
  
I break a little something  
  
to keep my mind on  
  
'Cause you had my mind gone  
  
Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh  
  
Turn the lights on, Come on, baby  
  
Let's just rewind the song  
  
'Cause all I want to do is  
  
make the rest years the best years  
  
All night long  
  
  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
Makes me wanna dance  
  
Makes me wanna dance  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
It's a new romance  
  
It's a new romance  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
I look into your eyes  
  
Oh, yeah, yeah  
  
I look into your eyes  
  
Oh-oh-oh  
  
The best years of our lives  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............  
  
  
  
  
  
Everything looks bright  
  
Standing in your light  
  
Everything feels right  
  
What's left is out of sight  
  
What's a girl to do  
  
I'm telling you  
  
You're on my mind  
  
I wanna be with you  
  
'Cause when you're  
  
standin' next to me  
  
It's like wow  
  
And all your kisses  
  
seem to set me free  
  
It's like wow  
  
And when we touch  
  
it's such a rush  
  
I can't get enough  
  
It's like- - It's like  
  
Ooh-ooh  
  
Hey, what  
  
It's like wow  
  
Ooh-ooh, hey  
  
Hey, yeah  
  
It's like wow  
  
Everything is looking  
  
right now, right now  
  
It's like wow  
  
And I got this feeling  
  
This feeling  
  
it's just like wow  
  
It's just like wow  
  
You are all I'm thinking of.  
  
Like wow  
  
Everything feels right  
  
Everything feels right  
  
Like wow  
  
Everything looks bright  
  
All my senses are right  
  
Like wow  
  
Everything feels right  
  
Baby, baby, baby  
  
the way I'm feeling you  
  
Is like wow  
  
  
  
There is something  
  
that I see  
  
In the way  
  
you look at me  
  
There's a smile  
  
There's a truth  
  
In your eyes  
  
What an unexpected way  
  
On this unexpected day  
  
Could it be  
  
This is where I belong  
  
It is you I have loved  
  
All long  
  
There's no more mystery  
  
It is finally clear to me  
  
You're the home  
  
my heart's searched for  
  
So long  
  
It is you I have loved  
  
All long  
  
Whoa, over and over  
  
I'm filled with emotion  
  
As I look  
  
Into your perfect face

 **Ratalui:** what the fuck craig

 **Jonny boy:** that wasnt even the right shrek script smh

 **Papi Ryan:** how does it feel to be dating that @ tyler

 **Ty dye:** as long as he gives good blowjobs then i could care less

 **Craigo my eggo:** FUCK YOY

 **Ratalui:** dear lord

 **Mom™:** rip craig omg

 **Ty dye:** you know im kidding

 **Ratalui:** no hes not


	16. Chapter 16

**December 20 4:57 pm**

**Spicy Brycey - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

**Spicy Brycey:** IM SCREAMING GUYS

**Craigo my eggo:** what happened???

**Papi Ryan:** are you about to tell the story of what i think your going to tell

**Mom™:** what happened oh no

**Spicy Brycey:** i am ;)

**Papi Ryan:** you guys are in for a ride

**Spicy Brycey:** ok so there’s this guy in my drama/acting class and his name is, lets say, Josh

**Spicy Brycey:** so josh has a girlfriend and shes a great person and he also has a “best friend” named alex

**Scooter:** this cant turn out good

**Spicy Brycey:** AND THE GIRLFRIEND STORMED INTO DRAMA CLASS AND WE WERE ALL LIKE “WOAH??? WHATS WRONG??” AND SHE GOES

**Spicy Brycey:** “my boyfriends been fucking his best friend”

**Marchello:** NO 

**Craigo my eggo:** omg no

**Mom™:** poor girl omg 

**Spicy Brycey:** AND WE ALL FELT SO BAD BUT AT TH E SAME TIME IT WAS SO FUNNY bc TRUNS OUT THAT JOSH AND HIS GF HAVENT EVEN GONE THAT FAR SO HE TOOK HIS 

**Spicy Brycey:** he later came into the class with alex and we all looked at him and one of the girls whos great friends with the girlfriend in my class goes “what does alex have that your girlfirned doesnt?”

**Spicy Brycey:** and josh without hesitation jsut goes “a nice dick”

**Craigo my eggo:** IM SOBBING   
**Smitten:** holy fuck get u a josh

**(e)Vans:** a guy whos gay and cheats on you??

**Spicy Brycey:** first of all hes bi actually so??? But the dick comment is still hialrious

**Ratalui:** ngl josh and alex are otp as fuck dont get that gay sht outta here

**Davey jones locker:** why is m y boyfriend like this

**Ratalui:** fight me

**Ty dye:** in bed

**Smitten:** ooo kinky

**Craigo my eggo:** pls

**Craigo my eggo:** is tyler the josh of this chat

**Spicy Brycey:** yes

**Dad™:** yes

**Dad™:** what are we even talking about

**(e)Vans:** a guy in rbyce’s acting class is bi 

**Dad™:** me too hun

**Mom™:** dont go cheating on me smh

**Mom™:** ill saw off ur dick do u underestimate me

**Dad™:** no i do not

**Dad™:** i fully trust that you would saw off my dick if i cheated on you and i would allow you too

**Dad™:** i never want to hurt you ;; then again who even has the heart to hurt u

**(e)Vans:** u right

**Ty dye:** tbh how could someone hurt brock

**Ratalui:** brock literally has the toughest guys defending him 

**Mom™:** pls

**Jonny boy:** it is true ngl

**(e)Vans:** we would defend u guys too

**Davey jones locker:** on a good day

**Davey jones locker:** any other day ur like “eh, fend for urselves” 

**Ty dye:** ur not,, wrong,, for me that is

**Ty dye:** evan loves all of u what a loser

**Smitten:** excuse me ur also a loser

**Craigo my eggo:** he isnt wrong

**Ty dye:** whhen have i been a loser

**(e)Vans:** there was that one time you freaked/fanboyed when we were watching your fave show and they referenced another thng u lvoed

**Craigo my eggo:** then there was that time the one tumblr user drew u fanart and u were dying 

**Davey jones locker:** or when he asked out craig and he freaked out bc craig said yes even though it was obvious he would

**Ty dye:** ok so ive been a loser a lot,, ur point

**Mom™:** youre a big softie at heart?

**Craigo my eggo:** a tough guy act is pointless?

**Papi Ryan:** youre a genuine nice guy?

**Jonny boy:** youre not an asshole to everyone?

**Ratalui:** ur actually a big fucking nerd?

**(e)Vans:** youre a great friend?

**Davey jones locker:** whenever you threaten to beat me up you dont mean it?

**Smitten:** that you hide behind loud profanities?

**Ty dye:** @ david i would beat u up if u annoy me

**Scooter:** dont talk to me or my son ever again

**Ratalui:** dont trust anyone, not even urself

**Craigo my eggo:** not even ur elf

**Smitten:** not even your elf

**Scooter:** twins!!!

**Craigo my eggo:** omg!!

**Lukewarm:** im not surprised that u two said the same thing

**Jonny boy:** who is

**Lukewarm:** u right

 

**December 20 8:35 pm**

**Marchello - Jonny boy, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Spicy Brycey , Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

**Marchello:** im gonna beat up my boyfriend

**Scooter:** luv u too bby

**Papi Ryan:** what happened??

**Marchello:** HES WATCHJING CARS ON AN ILLEGAL WEBSITE WHICH I SUPPORT ILLEGAL WEBSITES BUT NOT CARS

**Scooter:** how do u not support cars??

**Papi Ryan:** the concept is interesting but the mvoies suck tbh

**Spicy Brycey:** we cant be together

**Papi Ryan:** not my fault that i have an opinion

**Spicy Brycey:** A WRONG ONE

**Papi Ryan:** arent u supposed to be the smart one

**Marchello:** ^^

**Scooter:** ^^

**Mom™:** ^^

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^

**Craigo my eggo:** why are we doing up arrows

**Papi Ryan:** bc bryce is the smart one and not me

**Craigo my eggo:** u right

**Spicy Brycey:** pls

**Craigo my eggo:** can i just say i love tyler

**Craigo my eggo:** like i genuinely think i love him???

**Marchello:** so,, pure..

**Papi Ryan:** tbh that is honestly so cute??? 

**Spicy Brycey:** it is

**Scooter:** are you two hanging out over break?

**Craigo my eggo:** yee, hes over rn and sleeping in my bed

**Mom™:** oo la la ;)) 

**Craigo my eggo:** pls, imm scrolling thru tumblr while hes catching up on missed sleep

**Spicy Brycey:** you two are so cute

**Craigo my eggo:** like idk hes genuinely so sweet and his smile is so dumb yet so cute im so happy im dating him

**Mom™:** my,, boys,,

**Marchello:** im so happy for u two omg

**Marchello:** like rlly happy

**Craigo my eggo:** also hes actually a big fucking nerd wtf how is he an actual perfect boy

**Scooter:** im sobbing this is so cute

**Papi Ryan:** same same same

**Mom™:** bless tyler and craig

**Scooter:** u right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bless,, minicat,, i love them but the theater class thing w/ bryce actually happened in the drama club at my school last yr but i wasnt apart of it yet so i never got to meet the actual people sadly BUT ITS STILL SO FUNNY


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent updated in a while so heres a nice treat to yall for putting up with me!!

**December 23rd 7:48 pm**

 

**Jonny boy - Spicy Brycey, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

**Jonny boy:** crying bc christmas is so close i just wanna sleep

**Davey jones locker:** you can sleep though???? ur on break????

**Papi Ryan:** ^^

**Jonny boy:** am i really though if im piled with work

**Craigo my eggo:** RETWEET DUDE RETWEET

**Ratalui:** im so hungry ngl

**Ratalui:** OH FUCK WDBAIT

**Craigo my eggo** **:** I'd like two number 9's; a number 9 large; a number 6, extra dip; a number 7; two number 45's, one with cheese; and a large soda

**Smitten:**  I'd like two number 9's; a number 9 large; a number 6, extra dip; a number 7; two number 45's, one with cheese; and a large soda

**Ty dye:** what thef cuk

**Scooter:** the meme,,, its back

**Craigo my eggo:** it never left

**Ratalui:** i regretted saying what i did as soon as i did

**Ratalui:**

**Marchello:** im going to end my existence 

**Marchello:** craig fucking WHIPPED after he sent that

**Scooter:** ^^ i can confirm

**(e)Vans:** craig got #exposed

**Ratalui:** oh shit bois put it on world star

**Craigo my eggo:** i want to end my existence bec of yall

**Spicy Brycey:** who doesnt though

**Craigo my eggo:** u right u right

**Lukewarm:** nev er did i think i would ever hear bryce say that

**Papi Ryan:** bryce is always full of surprises

**Spicy Brycey:** im always full of surprises, what can i say

**Jonny boy:** ims ure you would know all about that ryan ;))

**Mom** **™:** is no one going to acknowledge how they said the same thing tbh

**Papi Ryan:** i will fuck u up jon do u wanna f i g  h t

**Jonny boy:** lETS GO BTICH

**Lukewarm:** i didnt even realize that

**Spicy Brycey:** same

**Craigo my eggo:** same

**Scooter:** same

**Lukewarm:** same

**(e)Vans:** same

**Ty dye:** same

**Mom™:** please dont start this again children

**Smitten:** same

**Dad™:** same

**Jonny boy:** same

**Mom™:** _ children pls _

**Papi Ryan:** same

**Davey jones locker:** same

**Mom™:** im gonna end myself 

**Jonny boy:** NO MOM DONT DO THAT

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^ pls mom we love u so much

**Ty dye:** we really do we promise

**Smitten:** we are blessed by ur momness every day mom

**(e)Vans:** this gc is turning into an appreciation chat for brock

**Dad™:** every day should be an appreciation day for brock 

**Ratalui:** bless brock

**Davey jones locker:** brock is such a gr8 friend though bless him

**Mom™:** aw ily guys

 

_ Jonny boy has changed the group name to ‘the myth,, the legend,, the actual lord and savior mom of the group chat, brock’ _

 

**Craigo my eggo:** did jon just,,,  _ meme _

**Smitten:** holy fuck he did

**Scooter:** jon was the ultimate memer the whole damn time

**Ty dye:** rip yall

 

**December 23rd 10:47 pm**

 

**Smitten - Spicy Brycey, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Jonny boy, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Craigo my eggo, and Scooter**

 

**Smitten:** GUSYSYSY GUYS GUSYS SGUSY GSUSGUSG US

**Smitten:** guys im sobbing i cmandijwe

**Marchello:** WHAT HAPPENED

**Scooter:** WAIT DID I THINK WHAT HAPPEN ACTUALLY HAPPEN   
**Smitten:** JOHN ASKED ME OUT

**Craigo my eggo:** im sbongingieb 

**Mom** **™:** congrats!!!

**Scooter:** IT DD HAPPEN NEWJFNWE FEJN

**Smitten:** im rneiwnfw im shakign so mcuh im so ahppy

**Craigo my eggo:** HOW DID IT HAPPEN

**Ty dye:** hoyl fuck congrats dude its about time you two realized though

**Mom™:** tYler

**Ty dye:** sorry mom

**Smitten:** so we were playing some cs:go earlier and he was like “oh shit ive gotta go” and i got sad bc y’know he was leaving em sand such

**Scooter:** im so happy rn yall

**Craigo my eggo:** same same same e  e

**Jonny boy:** congrats smitt on ur new relationship!!

**Smitten:** so i played some on my own and later i heard a knocking on my door and i thought it was my mom coming to visit or a friend just stopping by or smth so i go ahead and answer it

**Scooter:** oh fuck its gong where i think it s going

**Mom™:** this is so cute

**Smitten:** and there john was with some pizza and candy and he was erreally nervous and i was urging him to come in but he was like “before i come in i havento say something”

**Smitten:** i got really fucking nervous

**Smitten:** but he placed the stuff down and took my hands in his and was like “would you do the amazing honors of creating a memeing -ful relationship with me?”

**Craigo my eggo:** ONLY JOHN

**Spicy Brycey:** goals

**Scooter:** get u mans like that

**Jonny boy:** you two are a perfect match

**Smitten:** long story short is tarted crying and said yes and he smiled so much and we kissed and are watching movies rn but i needed to tell yo u guys that bc im still cryign voe rit

**(e)Vans:** that is so cute though 

**Craigo my eggo:** my otp,, is finally,, canon

**Mom™:** ^^ thats me rn and i dont evejn know who john really is

 

**December 23rd 10:58 pm**

 

**[Private chat between Mom** **™ and (e)Vans]**

 

**Mom™:** so how have you and jon been lately now that the group chat is discussing relationships?

**(e)Vans:** i guess good?? we skype a lot and talk a heck ton and im currently visiting him so??

**Mom™:** so you guys are basically A+++++++ right now?

**(e)Vans:** yeah basically

**(e)Vans:** though i am a bit nervous 

**Mom™:** want to explain or..?

**(e)Vans:** could i message you when jon is asleep so i dont seem different to him?

**Mom™:** ofc but you better not forget

 

**December 24th 12:23 am**

 

**[Private chat between Mom** **™ and (e)Vans]**

 

**(e)Vans:** im nervous that im not good enough and that i neevr will be good enough

**(e)Vans:** im nervous bc jon looks at me with such loving eyes and im scared that those eyes will soon fill with regret 

**(e)Vans:** im just nervous and frightened by the fact that jon is the most amazing thing that i know and have seen and that today ill have him in my arms and that the next he’ll be held in someone else’s because im not good enough in the end and i dont think ill ever be good enough for him

**Mom™:** evan,,

**Mom™:** do you want me to say something or let you just ramble?

**(e)Vans:** ill jsut ramble then can you try and say something?

**Mom™:** ofc

**(e)Vans:** love is so god damn scary because it is such a wonderful feeling but its also terrifying,, i care about jon so much and i want to tell him that i sincerely love him, all of him. i want to tell him i love the freckles that are lightly littered across his skin and his blue eyes that my voice drowns in every time i see them because hes just so amazing that i dont think anything could ever capture him as perfectly as seeing him in real life. hes just so amazing and i dont compare to him at all

**Mom™:** you both basically feel the same way aa,, jon feels like he doesnt compare to you either and i probably shouldnt say it but you should realize this ev.

**Mom™** : you both look at each other as if the other were the universe,, you are both so infatuated and charmed by the other its sickeningly sweet to see because you two are so opposite yet so perfect for each other

**Mom™:** you may not be “good enough” for jon but not in his eyes you arent, if hes the thing that truly matters to you i suggest considering what he thinks of you and realizing that you are good enough

**Mom™:** if you keep thinking you arent good enough youll back yourself into a little hole and there’ll be little space to get out, you are good enough i promise so pelase remember that

**(e)Vans:** ill try

**Mom™:** sounds good, gnight ev

**(e)Vans:** night brocky, thanks for the little reminder ig

**Mom™:** no problem


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, ive had so much stress this semester im so sorry. but hey, i got this done finally so!!

**December 25th 8:42 am**

**Craigo my eggo - Spicy Brycey, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Smitten, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Jonny boy, and Scooter**

 

**Craigo my eggo:** mERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS BLESS

**Smitten:** merry chrysler

**Spicy Brycey:** Merry christmas!!!

**Papi Ryan:** merry christmas everyone :-)

**(e)Vans:** merry christmas, hope all of you have gr8 days

**Ty dye:** merry christmas

**Marchello:** merry christmas fuckers

**Ratalui:** merry chrismas bles s up yall

**Jonny boy:** MERRY CHRISTMAS BLESS

**Smitten:** merry christmas everyone :DD

**Lukewarm:** i think this is the nicest this group chat  has ever been

**Marchello:** did you not see mt message???

**Lukewarm:** besides your message

**Mom™:** bless christmass yall

**Dad™:** tf when ur bf isnt texan yet he uses yall

**Craigo my eggo:** did you just assume?? all??? texans??? use??? yall???? 

**Ratalui:** did you just assume only texans use yall

**Smitten:** did you just assume that anyone uses yall

**Ratalui:** yes

**Ratalui:** yes i did

**Smitten:** wow i was not expecting that

**Ratalui:** im just full of surprises, arent i ;-)

**Smitten:** u,mm i have a boyfriend???

**Smitten:** and hes much cuter than u ;-)

**Ratalui:** dAVIDDD :(

**Davey jones locker:** yeah?

**Ratalui:** am i cute :-(

**Davey jones locker:** youre the cutest <3

**Ratalui:** :-)

**Ty dye:** that was,, something

**Lukewarm:** you know what that was

**Jonny boy:** what

**Lukewarm:** pretty fuck ing gay

**Dad™:**  like me

**Jonny boy:** ^^^

**Mom™:** ^^^

**(e)Vans** : ^^^

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^^

**Davey jones locker:** ^^^

**Scooter:** ^^^

**Ratalui:** ^^^

**Papi Ryan:** ^^^

**Spicy Brycey:** how did we get from talking about christmas to talking about being gay

**Craigo my eggo:** idk how but we’re a group chat so we made it happen

**Smitten:** true shit

**Smitten:** also can i add john to the chat

**Mom™:** y es

**Jonny boy:** everyone prepare urself nicely

**Smitten:** omg no pls dont embarrass me 

**Ty dye:** does anyone have any embarrassing stories of smitty

**Lukewarm:** sadly no

**Craigo my eggo:** too many

**Dad™:** d o i t

**(e)Vans:** rat him out

**Ratalui:** did someone say rat

**Davey jones locker:** wow i love my bf

**Ratalui:** u know u do ;)))

 

_ Smitten has added Johnijuana to the chat _

 

**Craigo my eggo:** OH YMG OD JOHN

**Ratalui:** smoke that dank weed

**(e)Vans:** brock is gonna have aheart attack

**Smitten:** welcome to the chat babe!! pls dont listen to them if they start to say shit abt me bc it isnt true

**Johnijuana:** Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

(Wow)

I got Reese's Puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

Now my day's on cruise control

(Wow)

I got reese's puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

And just like that I'm on a roll

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Peanut butter chocolate flavor

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

In the am, it's the flavor I savor

Peanut butter and chocolate too

You know how I do, That's what I wake up to

My Reese's Puffs inspired this rhyme

That peanut butter chocolate combination's on time

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

('Cause uptown funk gonna give it to ya)

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

(Saturday night and we in the spot)

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

(Wow)

I got Reese's Puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

Now my day's on cruise control

(Wow)

I got reese's puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

And just like that I'm on a roll

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Peanut butter chocolate flavor

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

In the am, it's the flavor I savor

Peanut butter and chocolate too

You know how I do, That's what I wake up to

My Reese's Puffs inspired this rhyme

That peanut butter chocolate combination's on time

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

(Wow)

I got Reese's Puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

Now my day's on cruise control

(Wow)

I got Reese's Puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

And just like that I'm on a roll

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

('Cause uptown funk gonna give it to ya)

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

(Saturday night and we in the spot)

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

(Wow)

I got Reese's Puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

Now my day's on cruise control

(Wow)

I got Reese's Puffs in my bowl

(Wow)

And just like that I'm on a roll

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Peanut butter chocolate flavor

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

In the am, it's the flavor I savor

Peanut butter and chocolate too

You know how I do, That's what I wake up to

My Reese's Puffs inspired this rhyme

That peanut butter chocolate combination's on time

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! 

Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up! 

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up (Uptown funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up (Uptown funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up (Uptown funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs! (Uptown funk you up! )

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up (Uptown funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up (Uptown funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up (Uptown funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Eat 'em up, Eat 'em up (Up-town funk you up)

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs!

**Johnijuana:** thank you for inviting me to the chat

**Papi Ryan:** john and smitty are the most meme-ful relationship here

**Lukewarm:** true

**Jonny boy:** not sure if i should laugh or not

**Johnijuana:** wait cna i have introductions bc i dont know a lot of people here

**(e)Vans:** im evan

**Ratalui:** im lui

**Ty dye:** im tyler but u know that already

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^ u know who i am but to be formal im craig

**Mom™:** im brock

**Scooter:** im scotty

**Davey jones locker:** im david

**Lukewarm:** im luke

**Jonny boy:** im jon

**Marchello:** im marcel

**Dad™:** im brian

**Papi Ryan:** im ryan

**Smitten:** and im smitty!!

**Johnijuana:** wow i didnt know you were in this chat too smitty :000

**Smitten:** what a surprise!!

**Johnijuana:** maybe it was fate for us to meet here or smth wowzers

**Marchello:** thats pretty gay guys

**Johnijuana:** then again i am rpetty gay

 

**December 25th, 9:39 am**

 

**[Private chat between Jonny boy, Papi Ryan, and Lukewarm]**

 

**Jonny boy:** where’s bryce?

**Lukewarm:** ^ i noticed our resident angel wasnt there for introductions

**Papi Ryan:** idk, he’s been really quiet since he first talked in the chat and he went out a while ago and hasnt come back yet

**Jonny boy:** maybe something happened?

**Papi Ryan:** but he would talk to me

**Lukewarm:** i doubt its something bad, maybe hes getting stuff for you?

**Papi Ryan:** wait he didnt tell you guys where he was going? he’s always talking to you guys so i thought he would

**Jonny boy:** havent talked to him since our skype call last night

**Lukewarm:** i talked to him a bit before the group chat but thats it and he seemed fine then

**Papi Ryan:** ;w;

**Jonny boy:** ryan, i doubt its anything bad, trust me


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blame my girlfriend for this okay she mad eme do this

**December 28th 10:32 am**

**Smitten - Spicy Brycey, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Jonny boy, Johnijuana, and Scooter**

**Smitten:** that moment whne u forgot that you had hw over break

**Johnijuana:** oh fuvk i forgot abt that thank u for remind ing me

**Smitten:** best bf?

**Johnijuana:** no bc you reminded me that i have hw

**Smitten:** :(( i have been wronged by my own bf 

**Craigo my eggo:** smh smit

**Smitten:** WHY SMH ME it was ALL john

**Johnijuana:** how dare you try to put the blame on me???

**Scooter:** how dare u insult my boy like this

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^ he is an angel and has done NOTHING 

**Johnijuana:** unlike u :(

**Smitten:** fine im sorry 

**Ty dye:** dont do it john

**Ty dye:** dont forgive his butt

**(e)Vans:** do it

**Dad** **™:** what the fuck is going on

**Johnijuana:** dad should i do it

**Dad™:** do what

**Johnijuana:** do i do it or n o t

**Dad™:** um sure???

**Ty dye:** FUCK

**(e)Vans:** NDEJWF YES THANK YOU BRIAN

**Johnijuana:** i forgive you smitty

**Smitten:** bless, thank iu im sorry and i love you ltos ill buy you pizza later

**Johnijuana:** omg bless ur the Best **™** boy friend EVER

**Ty dye:** craig why dont you treat me like that

**Craigo my eggo:** tyler why dont you treat me like that

**Craigo my eggo:** JINX FUWDJK

**Ty dye:** what the fuck

**Davey jones locker:** ^^the real couple here tbh

**Johnijuana:** tru

**Smitten:** we’ve been beat john

**Mom™:** rip our children @ brian

**Dad™:** rip indeed

**Dad™:** also im quite offended

**Craigo my eggo:** what why

**Ty dye:** did smth happen

**Marchello:** ill beat someone up if something happened

**Dad™:** im offended that brock and i werent considered best couple

**Jonny boy:** oh lord

**Mom™:** brian omg no

**Dad™:** brian omg yes

**Ty dye:** oh god

**(e)Vans:** no i want to see this play out

**Johnijuana:** how about instead of it playing out, we send memes

**Smitten:** omh john nO

**Scooter:** what is he going to do

**Johnijuana:** u candy cane cum guzzler DICKCEMBER is here and u know what that means  HOE HOE HOE season has arrived  put on your rudolph panties  pop ur peppermint pussy and sit by the fireplace with some hot COCKLATE if u want to get RAWED under the mistletoe this christmAss  send this to 15 of your sluttiest elves if u get 0 back  ur an UGLY GRINCH if u get 5 back  SHARE in 69 seconds or you won’t be gettin dicked down  in 2017

**Ratalui:** im fucking dign omg

**Ty dye:** smit you tried your best to stop him

**Craigo my eggo:** oh fuck brb guys i want to be dicked down in 2017

**Marchello:** i hate him ^

**Ty dye:** dont we all

**(e)Vans:** damn

**Lukewarm:** im still laughing because of this fuck

**Johnijuana:** ➡ In 2015 I’m gonna Drink Smoke Have sex and Turn 13 Here’s to a Great Year

**Smitten:** does anyone want to trade boyfriends

**Johnijuana** : Middle skool +puberty +hormones DRAMA !!!!! SEND TO 15 HOMIES WHO BEEN BY YOUR SIDE SINCE DAY 1. IF YOU DONT X U WONT FIND LOVE IN SEVENTH 7 GRADE

**Spicy Brycey:** dont remind me of 7th grade damn

**Jonny boy:** BRYCE

**Marchello:** where Have u BEEN

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^ WE’VE MISSED YOU

**Scooter:** also wheres ryan?? Hes been missing too\

**(e)Vans:** we thought you guys disappeared on a secrer mission or smth

**Ty dye:** ^^ or froze to death together, then again jon and/or luke wouldve told us

**Spicy Brycey:** um about ryan

 

**December 25th, 3:45pm**

 

**W** hen Bryce had arrived back to their dorm building after abruptly leaving without a word to Ryan, leaving the already unstable boy even more anxious and stressed, he had decided to head up to his dorm room instead of stopping by Ryan’s. Ryan stayed cooped up in his own dorm room, waiting for his blonde boyfriend to come back and say something.To come back and give him some sort of comfort, even if it was something terrible. No matter what comforting words Ryan tried to tell himself, he still couldn’t help but let the darker, more hurtful thoughts be the louder voice in the battle going on between his thoughts. 

 

A knock at the door to his dorm woke the brunette up quickly and had him dashing to the door to be greeted by the blonde he had been worrying about for hours.

 

“Bryce!” Ryan’s voice was loud and more alive than usual.

 

“Ryan, I need to talk to you.”

 

“Of course! Come i-”

 

“No I think it’s better if I just tell you here and now. If I keep pushing this off it’ll hurt the both of us even more.”

 

Ryan knew what he was going to say. He didn’t even have to listen to Bryce as the words left his lips. Ryan didn’t even have time to say anything, nevertheless even react before the blonde turned and walked in the direction of his own dorm room. Unbeknownst to Ryan, the blonde’s chest was pounding hard and tears were blurring up his vision.

 

Ryan shut his door after a few minutes in his dorm’s doorway, unsure of what to do. Who knew what happened to the brunette after that door had closed.

  
  


**December 28th 11:37am**

 

**Spicy Brycey - Smitten, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Mom™, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Jonny boy, Johnijuana, and Scooter**

**Spicy Brycey:** ryan and i broke up,

**Spicy Brycey:** well actually, i broke up with him

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres the long awaited chapter lolol its not even that good

**January 3rd 1:27pm**

**Mom™- Smitten, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Papi Ryan, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Spicy Brycey, Davey jones locker, Ratalui, Jonny boy, Johnijuana, and Scooter**

**Mom™:** goldfish is my lord and savior

**Marcello:** redbull is mine tbh

**Johnijuana:** monster is where its abt baby

**Mom™:** children,, that stuff is terribly terrible for u 

**Smitten:** mom im p sure there is worse stuff for people than this shit 

**Mom™:** yes there is but yall should not be drinking energy drinks as if its a normal drink

**Marcello:** jokes on you, it already is my normal drink

**Johnijuana:** energy drink addiction ftw baby

**Marcello:** fuck yueah dude

**Mom™:** how do i raise these children on my own the heck

**Craigo my eggo:** plot twist: u dont

**Craigo my eggo:** also no homo but i miss tyler

**Ty dye:** no homo but i miss u too

**Papi Ryan:** its not gay unless you make eye contact

**Dad™:** m y son omg

**Jonny boy:** RYAN YOU FUCK

**Papi Ryan:** i will fight u jon **™**

**Jonny boy:** do it BITCH

**Lukewarm:** you FUCKER 

**Johnijuana:** whats up ryan

**Craigo my eggo:** *cue 0 days with no sexual jokes by ryan sign now up*

**Papi Ryan:** hEY FUCK YOU CRAIG

**Ty dye:** honestly go ahead 

**Craigo my eggo:** i was abt to say that was tylers job and hew ouldnt let anyone ese do it but nvm i just got fucking BETRAYED by my boyfirend

**Ty dye:** love u

**Papi Ryan:** nah im good w out fucking you craig

**Ty dye:** ah darn, wholl do it now

**Craigo my eggo:** youre so not getting ur dick sucked tonight

**Ty dye:** RUDE

**Marcello:** wow goals

**Scooter:** marcel can you still suck my dick tonight

**Marcello:** um of course

**(e)Vans:** wow guys thats gay

**Jonny boy:** gay?? In my good christian suburbs??

**Davey jones locker:** man how dare there be gay in these christian suburbs

**Jonny boy:** thought i raised it better

**Johnijuana:** dont tell jon abt the weed then

**Smitten:** wow i cant believe you smoke weed

**Craigo my eggo:** who wouldve thunk

**Ratalui:** me bish

**Ratalui:** also can i change my nickname

**Jonny boy:** go ahead, ur able to do it urself

**Smitten:** omg really

**Jonny boy:** yeah??? Im the only one w the power to change other peoples nicknames though

**(e)Vans:** that powers fucking amazing omg

**LUIgis death stare:** fuck yes

**Craigo my eggo:** how dare you bring that fucking back

**Smitten:** thats worse than craigs bee movie

**Craigo my eggo:** I SENT IT WHEN THAT MEME WAS LIVIN

**Smitten:** you make me not want to be livin

**Craigo my eggo:** thx bby :*

**Ty dye:** are you cheating on me

**Craigo my eggo:** si

**Ty dye:** ouch

**Rye bread:** ouchers

**Lukewarm:** ooo i like the new nickname 

**Rye bread:** thank you owo

**Johnijuana:** dont you dare ever use that face again in MY HOUSE

**Scooter:** ryan is a furry holy shit

**Craigo my eggo:** _ FURRY ALERT _

**LUIgis death stare:** say i if we should kick ryan out for being a,,,, furry,,,,

**Craigo my eggo:** i as FUCK

**Scooter:** i of course

**Smitten:** you know how i feel

**(e)Vans:** i?

**Lukewarm:** i

**Mom™:** um not i!!! stop being mean to my favorite son

**LUIgis death stare:** HOLY SHIT MOM HAS A FAVORITE

**Dad™:** i cant believe,,, my wife has a favorite

**Dad™:** EVEN I DONT HAVE A FAVORITE

**Davey jones locker:** yeah because you hate all of us

**Craigo my eggo:** besides brock

**Mom™:** luv u brian

**Dad™:** luv u too brocky

**Craigo my eggo:** BROCKY

**Scooter:** what the ufkv why is their relationship oso cutye

**Mom™:** luv u my children

**(e)Vans:** im crying in the club

**LUIgis death stare:** did evan just,,, meme

**Smitten:** he did what the fuck

**Davey jones locker:** i dont even meme and im shook

**Jonny boy:** evan, honey, stop memeing  youre scaring th e children

**Marcello:** all of you have the attention span of the dog from up

**Spicy Brycey:** jokes on you that dog is adorable

**Rye bread:** ^^ agreed, i forget that dogs name though

**Spicy Brycey:** isnt it doug?

**Rye bread:** oh yeah it is

 

///

 

**_January 1st 2:39 am_ **

**_[ private chat between Papi Ryan and Spicy Brycey ]_ **

 

**Papi Ryan:** hey so i know this is probably awkward, whats going on between us

**Papi Ryan:** but i dont want whats going on to fuck over our friendship

**Papi Ryan:** and make the chat awkward yknow? so if you dont mind, if we can try to work past the break up and try to be friends again id honestly really like that

**Papi Ryan:** im scared we’ll freak everyone out if we start actiung buddy buddy immediately so lets build up to it so its more genuine?

**Spicy Brycey:** um yeah sure

**Papi Ryan:** thanks, im looking forward to our friendship

_ Spicy Brycey is typing… _

**Papi Ryan:** bryce?? youve been typing for a while

**Spicy Brycey:** oh sorry, got distracted by my roommate

**Spicy Brycey:** but yeah, same here (:

 

////

 

**January 3rd 9:38 pm**

**LUIgis death stare - Smitten, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Rye bread, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Spicy Brycey, Davey jones locker, Mom™, Jonny boy, Johnijuana, and Scooter**

**LUIgis death stare:** depression

**Marcello:** yeah same

**Smitten:** depression is such a big mood

**LUIgis death stare:** honestly we need a chat where we can just send memes

**Ty dye:** there is a chat, and its called this one

**Ty dye:** theres honest to god more memes in this chat than normal conversation

**Johnijuana:** thats so accurate it hurts

**Smitten:** john come over and play video games w me

**Johnijuana:** can we make out

**Smitten:** um fuck yeah 

**Jonny boy:** #stopthegayinmygoodchristiansuburbs

**Craigo my eggo:** as a gay, i fully support that hashtag

 

_ Jonny boy has changed the group chat name to “#stopthegayinmygoodchristiansuburbs” _

 

**Smitten:** im surprsied jon managed to spell that correctly

**Jonny boy:** OKAY RUDE

**Smitten:** are you calling me rude bc im gay?? 

**Jonny boy:** DONT YOU DARE PULL THE GAY CARD

**Jonny boy:** PUT IT BACK RIGHT NOW MISTER

**Smitten:** PUT IT BACK HOYL SHTI DJWE

**Craigo my eggo:** i think thats one of the ebst things hes ever said

**Marcello:** damn i cant use the black or gay card now

**Scooter:** next time u do im gonna yell at you to put it back

**Marcello:** ill put my dick back 

**Scooter:** oh no,, how will iever survive without your penis

**Johnijuana:** ur peeen

**Smitten:** i need a good peen in my life

**Johnijuana:** BYE BITCH

**Craigo my eggo:** damn thats gay smitty

**Smitten:** _ ur gay _

**Craigo my eggo:** GASP 

**Marcello:** oh fuck

**LUIgis death stare:** burned

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay the put it back scene is based on a rlly funny incident that happened to my friends sister fbweijf. anyways um talk to me on tumblr @ softsnuckel and yell at me for how terrible this chapter is! also #stopthegayinmygoodchristiansuburbs


	21. Chapter 21

**January 5th 9:49 am**

**Jonny boy- Smitten, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Rye bread, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Spicy Brycey, Davey jones locker, Mom™, LUIgis death stare , Johnijuana, and Scooter**

 

**Jonny boy:** someone whos smoked weed b4 hmu

**(e)Vans:** _ CHRIS IS THAT A WEED? IM CALLING THE POLICE _

**Craigo my eggo:** *dials 911*

**Smitten:** 911 WHATS THE EMERGENCY

**Craigo my eggo:** *cue x files music*

**Craigo my eggo:** oka y but genuinely… jon… why do u need… the mary janes…. the devils lettuce… the blaze… THE BLUNT!

**Scooter:** ^^^ r u thinking of smoking it up

**Johnijuana:** what about weed

**Jonny boy:** nah its bc someone thought i fucking dealt and i fucking panicked bc i hate social situations and said yeah i do and now i need some weed to sell to this dude and its too alte to back out so i need some dope ass weed

**Johnijuana:** i got u bby   
**Jonny boy:** thx bb :*

**Smitten:** i feel… betrayed by my own bf

**(e)Vans:** same here bitch

**Ty dye:** craig just quoted another fucking vine i hate him

**Lukewarm:** which one was it

**Ty dye:** the “road work ahead? hh yeah i sure hope it does” one

**Rye bread:** that one is a FUCKING classic :’3

**Dad™:** dont listen to the furry but that is a classic

**Rye bread:** okay FUCK you you fucking crooked drawer

**Dad™:** shut the fuck up you probably listen to sound of silence by disturbed unironically

**Rye bread:** you probably toss salad on a daily fucking basis

**Dad™:** BETTER THAN FUCKING ANIMALS!!! 

**Rye bread:** sorry cant hear you over you eating out brock

**Dad™:** i just THREW UP YOU FUCKING SMALL WANGED FIVE WEEK OLD HARD BOILED EGG

**Marchello:** i just spat out my fucking energy drink

**Scooter:** spitters are quitters babe!

**Mom™:** Okay first of all, Ryan and Brian, shut up. Love you both but Shut Up **™** !

**Mom™:** Second of all, Marcel and Scott, keep that in the bedroom please <3 would rather not hear about your sex life

**Mom™:** Third of all, GUESS WHO ACED THEIR FUCKING FINALS!!!!

**(e)Vans:** omg congrats brock!!!!

**Dad™:** im so… in lvoe… and so proud!,,!!,

**Ty dye:** congrats!!!

**Ty dye:** craig is also so proud of you he kenw you could do it

**Smitten:** yes brock bu t please sleep theres no way you aced that while getting gr8 hours of sleep each fucking night

**Mom™:** lol true but yeah ill sleep soon, we started class again today so im DEAD already

**Dad™:** bby please take care of urself!! you deserve the longest and best break for doing literally THE BEST on your finals

**Mom™:** wow i love my boyfriend so much??

**Dad™:** wo0w same here???

**LUIgis death stare:** all these ghosts…. ALL THESE GHOSTS…. AND I STILL CANT FIND A BOO

**Jonny boy:** you literally… have a fucking BOYFRIEND

**LUIgis death stare:** ALL THESE SPICES AND YOU STILL CHOSE TO BE SALTY

**Rye bread:** is salt… a spice?

**(e)Vans:** yes

**Jonny boy:** no

**(e)Vans:** …… bby no

**Jonny boy:** you know what it is though

**Smitten:** dont.. you fucking DARE

**Jonny boy:** ITS  A  _ MINERAL _

**LUIgis death stare:** I CRAVE THAT MINERAL

**Ty dye:** im keeping craig updated on the gc

**Ty dye:** and he rolled down his fucking window and yeleld out “I CLIMB 90 DEGREES BECAUSE I CRAVE THAT MINERAL”

**Smitten:** i literally hate all of you

**Spicy Brycey:** what is this meme??

**Craigo my eggo:** the best meme to ever exist

**LUIgis death stare:** F A K E N E W S

**Davey jones locker:** i put on the 80’s radio and never gonna give you up just started and i cant believe i fucking rick rolled so early in the morning

**Ty dye:** do you deserve it? yes.

**Davey jones locker:** dont be fucking rude

**Mom™:** stop arguing you two, im about to spill my coffee bc you two

**Dad™:** oh shit dont do that @ u two

**Dad™:** i did that before…. i still have nightmares…

 

**_January 5th 10:32am_ **

**_[ private chat between_** **_Mom_** **™** ** _and Jonny boy]_**

 

**Jonny boy:** ims o.. in love w evan

**Mom™:** you wanna rant about your gay?

**Jonny boy:** yes pls

**Mom™:** go ahead but i cant promise that i can reply immediately

**Jonny boy:** okay so like, evan is first of all so fuccking cute?? Im so??? How did i get so lcuky??? ALSO HES SUCH A FUCKING HUNK LIKE HOLY SIHT CAN HE CRUSH ME WITH THOSE MUSCLES OF HIS ALREAYD LIKE PLEASE I THINK I HAVE AN HONEST TO GOD KINK OR FETISH FOR MUSCLES NOW BC OF HIM??? But like i know he comes off as… tough? Intimidating? Idk but like, hes such a softie and i know in the chat he sometimes doesnt come off like that but!! Our private chats are so…

 

_ Jonny boy sent a picture >>>> _

_ Jonny boy sent a picture >>>> _

_ Jonny boy sent a picture >>>> _

_ Jonny boy sent a picture >>>> _

_ Jonny boy sent a picture >>>> _

 

**Jonny boy:** im so in luv with him and i cant wait to see him again bc i miss cuddling with him and just being in his presence because like, yeah i lvoe you all but wit hihm its so much different and i just feel so happpy around him even if i dont talk to him bc he just.. Radiates? Hes so fuckung bright and ugh i love him and i wanna move closer to him so we can be closer on a daily basis and i feel fucking terrible whenever he leaves bc i wanna hold him close and hes so soft in our relationship too like he knows im not ready at all for sex ad hes so cmfortable w that and he doesnt force the idea on me at all and idk i appreciate that a lot considering my last partner bc i did rant to evan abt them and wbnrfibef how did i get so lucky my gay ass does not deserve someone as god like as evan HONEST TO GOD

**Mom™:** that was so pure i love you guys and im so happy everything has worked out and i bet evan feels the same way, you two are usually on the same wavelength. Also we should all go on a double date tbh!!! If youre up for it that is (along w ev!!)

**Jonny boy:** okay yes i lvoe this idea already ill tlak to evy about it this weekened <333333

**Mom™:** have fun btw!! 

**Jonny boy:** can do <333 when are you seeing brian? 

**Mom™:** not this weekend but next ;;; i miss him so much but over break we spent so much time together i was so happy

**Jonny boy:** aww im happy for yall

**Mom™:** thakn you son <333

 

**January 5th, 4:23pm**

**Rye bread- Smitten, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Marchello, Jonny boy, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Spicy Brycey, Davey jones locker, Mom™, LUIgis death stare , Johnijuana, and Scooter**

 

**Rye bread:** yall wanna play crazy 8’s

 

_ LUIgis death stare has left #stopthegayinmygoodchristiansuburbs _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um, apologies for not updating for over a month!! school hasOWNED my ass and im rlly participating this yr and such in different activities plus im the leader of some clubs so KMS! also ap classes are klling me bc i gotta do it for the creds!! anywho i loved how soft this chapter was @ the end!! i love these boys being soft and talking abt their boyfs so... affectionately... and like theyre the world to them!! also i had to quote vines ofc and some of this was based on some real convos ive had lolol (that happens.. a lot though w this fic fun fact)
> 
> hit up my tumblr @ softsnuckel ! im not super super active on any social media but out of all of the ones i have, that is probably the most frequnt i check (like once every two weeks lolol) but heck yeah um once again hope you enjoyed this chapter!! next time there'll be even more memes i promise uwu


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kachiga

**January 8th, 2:26 am**

**Marchello - Smitten, (e)Vans, Ty dye, Dad™, Rye bread, Jonny boy, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Spicy Brycey, Davey jones locker, Mom™, LUIgis death stare , Johnijuana, and Scooter**

 

**Marchello:** scott is confirmed weeb trash i cant believe my boyfriend is the scum of this earth

**Scooter:** be happy im not a fucking brony

**Smitten:** or fnaf fanatic fucking obsessed foxy-freddy fucker

**Scooter:** foxy x freddy is my OTP fuck  YOU 

_ ‘Scooter’ has changed their name to ‘FREXY LOVER 69’ _

**Marchello:** babe… goodbye….

**Smitten:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE BAE…. _ TURN S OUT YOU WERE JUST FAM _

**FREXY LOVER 69:** i cannot belieVE THIS

_ ‘Marchello’ has changed their name to ‘FREXY HATER 69’ _

**FREXY LOVER 69:** babe NO

**FREXY HATER 69:** <3 :* luv u

**Smitten:** this is the worst thing to ever happen to me??

_ ‘Smitten’ has changed their name to ‘FREXY CHILD 69’ _

**FREXY CHILD 69:** there we go :)

 

**January 8th, 7:34 am**

**Ty dye - FREXY CHILD 69, (e)Vans, FREXY HATER 69, Dad™, Rye bread, Jonny boy, Craigo my eggo, Lukewarm, Spicy Brycey, Davey jones locker, Mom™, LUIgis death stare , Johnijuana, and FREXY LOVER 69**

 

**Ty dye:** CAN YALL SHUT TH E FUCK UP

**Ty dye:** YOU SPAMMED AT 2 IN THE MORNING AND BARELY TALKED AND NOW YOURE ALL FUCKING FURRIES AND I THOUGHT RYAN WAS BAD BUT NOPE YALL FUCKERS TOOK IT TO A NEW HWOLE LEVEL

**Rye bread:** oikay rude im not a furry

**FREXY HATER 69:** cmon tyler join us!!

**FREXY HATER 69:** take down the frexy lvoers

**Ty dye:** i wish i could take down all of you (besides brock and craig)

**Craigo my eggo:** i thought that message was cute but then i noticed that brock came before me so um!

**Craigo my eggo:** hi my name is craig and im looking for a new boyfriend

**FREXY HATER 69:** craig lets date im looking for a new boy too!

**Craigo my eggo:** sounds good

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘marchellos bae’ _

**marchellos bae:** :) im happy

_ ‘Ty dye’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’  _

**Craigo my eggo:** SNATCHED

**marchellos bae:** FUCK I LET MY FUARD DOWN

_ ‘marchellos bae’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

_ ‘FREXY HATER 69’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’  _

**Mom™:** the hell is going on

**Craigo my eggo:** we’re all becoming craig

**Craigo my eggo:** who is the real craig????

**Craigo my eggo:** we may never know

**Mom™:** im not succumbing to ur… misdeeds… 

_ ‘FREXY CHILD 69’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

**Craigo my eggo:** ia m so not missing out on this

_ ‘Davey jones locker’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

_ ‘LUIgis death stare’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

**Mom™:** i hate this chat

_ ‘Dad™’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’  _

_ ‘Rye bread’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

**Mom™:** i just got betrayed by my own husbo

**Craigo my eggo:** HUSBO>?!@?!

**Craigo my eggo:** damn didnt know you two got that far ;))))

_ ‘Lukewarm’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

**Craigo my eggo:** why are we doing this

**Craigo my eggo:** ims till hyperventilating hoyms thi

**Craigo my eggo:** i cant believbe theyve been married and havent tld us???

**Craigo my eggo:** idk why we are

**Craigo my eggo:** THE MEME

**Craigo my eggo:** thats why!

_ ‘Jonny boy’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

**(e)Vans:** im not dating craig sorry bye

**Craigo my eggo:** BAYB NO

_ ‘Spicy brycey’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

_ ‘(e)Vans’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’ _

**Craigo my eggo:** thius is so wild im lving

_ ‘Johnijuana’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’  _

_ ‘FREXY LOVER 69’ has changed their name to ‘Craigo my eggo’  _

**Mom™:** me before this: wow i love my friends?? What angels?? Im so grateful to have such amazing people in my life???? 

**Mom™:** me after this: SCUM OF THE EARTH RIGHT HERE I HOPE THEY CHOKE ON THEIR OWN SPIT THESE GOONIES LOOKING ASSES

**Craigo my eggo:** holy mthsit i just spit up my coffee

**Craigo my eggo:** GOONEIS LOOKING ASS FIWJEF

**Craigo my eggo:** my new insult

**Craigo my eggo:** goonies looking ass wow we have the best mom ever

**Craigo my eggo:** this is so confusing i ahte this

**Craigo my eggo:** i love it

**Mom™:** yall make me wanna die more than usual

**Craigo my eggo:** <3333 luv u mom

 

**January 8th, 5:26 pm**

**Craigo my eggo - Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, and Craigo my eggo**

**Craigo my eggo:** how is it going my fellow eggos

**Mom™:** i literally hate all of you

**Craigo my eggo:** um are you an eggo? Didnt think so!

**Craigo my eggo:** yeah so um butt outta our conversation, eggos only allowed!

**Mom™:** next time we meet up im strangling whoever is trying to diss me 

**Craigo my eggo:** CASTRATE THE,M

**Craigo my eggo:** ill fuck you up craigo my eggo

**Craigo my eggo:** lets fucking go BITCH

**Craigo my eggo:** idk if either of yall are my boyf or not BUT if one of you are i hope the other one wins

**Craigo my eggo:** ^if that is my boyf then um RUDE!

**Craigo my eggo:** u wanna fucking go eggo boy

**Craigo my eggo:** SUCK MY WANG FUCKER

**Craigo my eggo:** ccant, already got plans of your mom sucking mine tonight ;ppp how about tomorrow night?

**Craigo my eggo:** BROCK DOES NOT  SUCK ANY WANGS BESDIES BRIANS

**Mom™:** omhmynf

**Craigo my eggo:** i just choked

**Craigo my eggo:** yeah on brocks DICK

**Craigo my eggo:** i hate how anonymous this is bc WEDONT KNOW WHOS SAYING WHAT

**Mom™:** fukkin idiots

**Craigo my eggo:** we like to think that brock is the sweetest but in reality hed fucking snap our necks on a whim if we acted out at all in piublic

**Mom™:** yeah bc you guys need some manners but i am pretty sweet :*

**Craigo my eggo:** ima wife up brock

**Mom™:** aww brian <3

**Craigo my eggo:** im not brian lol

**Craigo my eggo:** ISH WHAT

**Craigo my eggo:** i mean we shouldnt lie and say we wouldnt wife brock up bc like… 

**Craigo my eggo:** who can resist that??

 

_ Craigo my eggo has sent a picture >>> _

 

**Craigo my eggo:** PURE BOY

**Craigo my eggo:** what an angel im fucking dying

**Craigo my eggo:** how were we blessed w such a beautiful boy in this chat

**Mom™:** awww ily guys

**Mom™:** okay nvm fuck yall i just saw the picture

**Craigo my eggo:** <333

**Mom™:** i trusted yall and all ig ot in resposne wERE THE TWO CARS FROM THE PIXAR MOVIE FUCKING EACH OTHER W THE GOD DAN CPATION KACHIGA

 

_ Craigo my eggo has changed the group chat name to ‘kachiga’ _

 

**Mom™:** i had faith in yall and loved you guys GENUINELY and this is the thakns i get???

**Craigo my eggo:** we’re sorry mom :(((

**Craigo my eggo:** we love u pls forgive us

**Mom™:** hhhhh yall are forgiven but only bc i do love you guys lots and dont want yall sad

**Craigo my**   **eggo:** WOW WHAT AN ACTUAL ANGEL IM SO???

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update in one week bc im currently sttresed and procrastinating and i might be fucked (long story short, my friends and i went to a party this weekend, got high, one of our moms found out and we're all fucked basically by that mom) so yeah, take this pathetic chapter bc soon ill have the plot speeding up dwdw right now these are highkey filler chaps until more starts to happen but yes craigo my eggo was the worst and best thing to ever come out of this i hope you enjoy this pathetic chapter b4 i DIE k bye


	23. Chapter 23

**January 11th, 3:24 am**

**Craigo my eggo - Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, and Craigo my eggo**

 

**Craigo my eggo:** i cant do this anymore bish

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Marcel transylvania’  _

**Craigo my eggo:** re fucking tweet

**Craigo my eggo:** how have we survived so long like this tf

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Eye of the tyler’ _

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Sex and the smitty’ _

**Sex and the smitty:** i feel like a new… person…

**Eye of the tyler:** okay but its nice yknow

**Craigo my eggo:** as the ORIGINAL craigo my eggo i am never changing this is 2 iconic fuck yuall

**Marcel transylvania:** bye b*tch!

**Sex and the smitty:** why is marcel never nice to us

**Marcel transylvania:** someones gotta bea  cold b*tch!

**Eye of the tyler:** 1- if ur a cold bitch you wouldnt fucking censor bitch u idiot

**Eye of the tyler:** 2- um im the cold bitch of the Chat try me bitch

**Sex and the smitty:** TRY ME BITCH

**Craigo my eggo:** this is how i enter my house

**Sex and the smitty:** WHATS UP FUCKERS

**Craigo my eggo:** WHY DO YOU HAVE MY PHONE

**Sex and the smitty:** FUCK YOU THATS WHY

**Eye of the tyler:** craig and smitty?? Never heard of those l0sers

 

**January 11th, 6:47 am**

**Craigo my eggo - Eye of the tyler, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Sex and the smitty, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, Marcel transylvania, Craigo my eggo, and Craigo my eggo**

**Craigo my eggo:** WHY DO YOU GUYS NEEVR SLEEP

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^honestly yall need to fucking chill

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Evan deadly sins’ _

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Nightmare jon elm street’ _

**Evan deadly sins:** i cant believe i have the cheesiest loving of horror movies bf

**Nightmare jon elm street:** i cant believe i have the most supporting bf of his loving of horror movies bf!!!

**Sex and the smitty:** i cant believe im in a gc with the cutest couple ever

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Boston tea scotty’ _

**Marcel transylvania:** my bf is the worst and im not even british

**Evan deadly sins:** are any of us british?

**Craigo my eggo:** nah, we’ve got three fucking irishmen though

**Craigo my eggo:** also.

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Dave me tonight by one D’ _

**Nightmare jon elm street:** can someone tell me why professors are THE WORST

**Dave me tonight by one D:** its 6 fucking 30??? They havent done anything already????

**Nightmare jon elm street:** UM YES THEY HAVE THEYVE MADE THE CLASS AT 6 FUCKING 30!!!! BYE

**Evan deadly sins:** :-((( im sorry baby!!! 

**Nightmare jon elm street:** its okay its not ur fault

**Craigo my eggo:** can yall sext in your own private chat!!!!

**Evan deadly sins:** glad-FUCKING-ly!!!

 

_ [private conversation between Evan deadly sins and Nightmare jon elm street] _

**6:58 am**

**Evan deadly sins:** howre you doing!!

**Nightmare jon elm street:** fukkin tired, is tayed up late bc i had an essay to write ;;

**Evan deadly sins:** :-(((( im sorry!!! At least once you get home from class you can nap and watch horror movies

**Nightmare jon elm street:** throwback to when we were cuddling and watching horror movies over break and fUCKING JASON CAME ON SCREEN AND YOU WENT “i cant believe i just busted the biggest nut”

**Evan deadly sins:** IM SORRY THAT WHNE IM NERVOUS I SAY STUPID SHIT

**Nightmare jon elm street:** ur lucky that ur so fucking cute >:-((((

**Evan deadly sins:** i could say the same thing back 2 u!!!

 

**January 11th, 7:03 am**

**Mom™ - Eye of the tyler, Evan deadly sins, Dave me tonight by one D, Craigo my eggo, Boston tea scotty, Craigo my eggo, Sex and the smitty, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and Craigo my eggo**

 

**Mom™:** omg my favorite couple

**Mom™:** how can you not love MY CHILDREN

**Dave me tonight by one D:** where did they go

**Craigo my eggo:** in their private chat ofc

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘The brian king’ _

**The brian king:** i luv them but…

**The brian king:** 2 much sexual tension

**Mom™:** one i love u 

**Mom™:** two THEY WERE FLIRTING LIKE PLAY FLIRTING????

**The brian king:** they were so gonna fuck

**Mom™:** NO THEY WERENT

**Evan deadly sins:** um… yeah we were

**Nightmare jon elm street:** ur not wrong

**Sex and the smitty:** YOU GOT ME THERE

**Craigo my eggo:** you got me there!

**Craigo my eggo:** i CANNOT believe u u fucking RAT

**Craigo my eggo:** quoting a meme BEFORE ME?

**Craigo my eggo:** u better fukcing CHECK URSELF 

**Sex and the smitty:** lets fukkin FIGHT

**Craigo my eggo:** WHAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE

**Craigo my eggo:** NO WHAT DID YOU SAY

**Craigo my eggo:** WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

**Craigo my eggo:** STEP THE FUCK UP KYLE

_ ‘Sex and the smitty’ has changed their name to ‘Kyle’ _

**Kyle:** i have ascended

**Eye of the tyler:** its too early for this bullshit

 

**January 11th, 12:45 pm**

**Craigo my eggo - Eye of the tyler, Evan deadly sins, Dave me tonight by one D, Craigo my eggo, Boston tea scotty, Craigo my eggo, Kyle, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, Craigo my eggo, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and Mom™**

 

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘For (c)ryan out loud’ _

_ ‘Craigo my eggo’ has changed their name to ‘Bryce cream’ _

**For (c)ryan out loud:** my professor is fucking wild holy shit

**Boston tea scotty:** what?? Happened??

**Bryce cream:** ^^?

**Nightmare jon elm street:** ^^

**For (c)ryan out loud:** okay so the prof was drawing the lewis structure of a compound on the board while telling a story and when he turned around,,,, he shrieked bc he saw that he had drawn a carbon with five bonds uwu

**For (c)ryan out loud:** he had like.. A full on fucking PANIC ATTACK LIKE IF EEL BAD BUT AT THE SAME TIME??? WE DONT CARE????

**Bryce cream:** OMG WAIT IS THAT ALSO THE PROF. WHO TAUGHT YOU GIYS HOW TO AMEK METH

**For (c)ryan out loud:** !!! YES TAHT ONE

**Bryce cream:** ah, good old Mr. Sheffers, what a wacky old man

**Nightmare jon elm street:** is bryce confirmed that hed be dtf Mr. Sheffers???

**Bryce cream:** dtf???

**Nightmare jon elm street:** Down To Fuck

**Bryce cream:** ew no

**For (c)ryan out loud:** if bryce was down to fuck Mr. Sheffers then i dont think i could ever speak to him again…

**Bryce cream:** thank god im not then lol

 

_ [private conversation between Nightmare jon elm street and Bryce cream] _

**1:03 pm**

**Nightmare jon elm street:** we never talked about what happened between you and ry ry

**Bryce cream:** we broke up?? Thats it???

**Nightmare jon elm street:** no way, theres so much more than just “we broke up” bc yall were fucking whipped for each other

**Bryce cream:** its nothing

**Nightmare jon elm street:** we’re best friends, right?

**Bryce cream:** um of course??

**Nightmare jon elm street:** Then talk to me, Bryce.

**Nightmare jon elm street:** both of yall are so awkward now and it sucks bc something is still left yet…

**Nightmare jon elm street:** i know you havent talked to anyone about it, so let me be the person you do talk to. I care about you a lot Bryce and you know this and i cant stand to watch my friends go through this, yknow?

**Bryce cream:** okaay ill talk

**Nightmare jon elm street:** say what you want to, dont force yourself into anything too much

**Bryce cream:** okay so a couple days before christmas, my parents called me out of nowhere and you know how they are. So im talking to them and ask me to visit and i said “oh cant, im planning on staying with ryan this break” and they freaked out. Well, my dad did. He was yelling over the phone then about how i was disappointing him and why couldnt i find a nice christian girl and how im a fucking f*g and it was terrible. So i started crying and my mom gets on the phone and my dad fucking smashed something in the background and i panicked bc (1) he could hurt my mom or sister next and/or (2) next time he sees me he might fucking burn me. So my mom was saying how she’ll have me fly home and keep me there to “cure” me and i was going to oppose them but then my mom started saying how i was tearing this fmaily apart and that she’d neevr have a normal son and all this bs and i felt so bad and i didnt realize she was manipulating me but now i see it and i said “okay ill break up with him just please tell dad that his son isnt a… you know anymore” and she broke into fucking tears that she was so happy that i wasnt “Gay anymore” even though thats not.. Possible.. I cant just choose to not be gay yknow?? And i wasnt originally going to go through with it but something told me i had to and like, im fucking heart broken because im still in love with ryan yet i cant hold him anymore or cuddle him or just be his god damn boyfriend just bc my parents are too fucking like this.

**Nightmare jon elm street:** holy shit dude

**Nightmare jon elm street:** im so sorry?? If im being honest i was angry at you for a while but now i see why you had to do it

**Nightmare jon elm street:** you have to tell ryan

**Bryce cream:** no

**Nightmare jon elm street:** bryce, you have to he’s also fucking heart broken and neither of you are good right now

**Bryce cream:** he’ll think im weak for breaking up w him over my family, hell he prob doesnt want me back

**Nightmare jon elm street:** idk that entirely or not but bryce… please do talk to ryan about this. You two are still friends and he does have a right to know

**Nightmare jon elm street:** all of us have been left in the dark and i feel bad bc youve been going through this shit w your parents

**Nightmare jon elm street:** like, i knew your dad was a terrible human being already but like, this is making me even angrier at him

**Nightmare jon elm street:** i wish i knew sooner though i hope your parents stop being jackasses soon and realize that the gays arent the worst things int he world and that we arent diseased and that we’re Not Bad

**Nightmare jon elm street:** especially when it comes down to their own son.

**Bryce cream:** thanks jon, this meant a lot and it felt nice to get it out finally

**Nightmare jon elm street:** no problem. Love you Brycey~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah another udpate wowzas. umm anyways heres an explanation as to why bryce broke up w ry ry and highkey its me venting abt my own sexuality and ppl around me but hey its ok!! anyways um i love the little own texting moments some ppl have and im loving the new users!! some people still have yet 2 visit so there'll be more names soon (in reality i wrote this during school and i didnt have enough energy for all the nicknames) but um pls enjoy!! hit up my instagram @ilovejudaism or my tumblr @softsnuckel !!


	24. Chapter 24

**January 13th 7:23 am**

 

**Mom™ - Eye of the tyler, Evan deadly sins, Dave me tonight by one D, Johnijuana, Boston tea scotty, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, LUIgis death stare, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and For (c)ryan out loud**

 

**Mom™:** guess who’s sick in bed and wants to cry their eyes out!! But is in too much pain!!

**The brian king:** BABY NO IM COMING OVER AS SOON AS MY CLASS FINISHES WITH NICE THINGS

**Mom™:** babe i luv u

**Evan deadly sins:** feel better brock!!! 

**Nightmare jon elm street:** rip mom pls dont die

**Bryce cream:** /and alex got better but his mother went QUICK

**Not luke skywalker:** fuccin theater nerd

**Craigo my eggo:** oo shit CALL HIM OUT

**Boston tea scotty:** bryce: came here to have a good time

**Boston tea scotty:** bryce: is getting attacked

**Craigo my eggo:** wow i  love that meme from how long ago???

**Boston tea scotty:** SHUT THE FUCK YUP ITS STILL RELEVANT UNLIKE YOUR EGG LOOKING ASS

**Craigo my eggo:** RUDE

**Marcel transylvania:** wow i love my bf

**Eye of the tyler:** yeah i love your bf too

**Craigo my eggo:** why am i getting attacked so much

**Boston tea scotty:** bc you came out here to have a good time

**LUIgis death stare:** cant believ you guys are memeing without me

**Craigo my eggo:** oh fuck here comes 5’5

**LUIgis death stare:** do you actually want to fucking fight im 5’6 FUCK OFF

**Craigo my eggo:** LETS GO SHORT BOY

**Mom™:** CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE NOT WHILE IM SICK :( I CANT CONTROL YOU AS WELL

**Mom™:** ive got 2 many children

**LUIgis death stare:** wait how many ppl are in this chat actually

**Johnijuana:** well theres 15

**Johnijuana:** and excluding our parents they have 13 children

**Mom™:** rip my actual heart

**Bryce cream:** why did you guys have sexual intercourse so much

**Eye of the tyler:** SEXUAL INTERCOURSE FBQA

**Craigo my eggo:** bryce.. Sweetie.. Just say Sex

**Bryce cream:** n3v3r

**Mom™:** stop trying to taint my innocent son let him LIVE

**Craigo my eggo:** _ brock on his death bed _ : bryce? oh he’s the only son i actually liked

**Eye of the tyler:** brock: i dont have favorites

**Eye of the tyler:** also brock: yeah bryce is the only one i like on a constant basis

**Mom™:** why am i being attacked so early in the morning ive done nothing

**Sex in the smitty:** “nothing”

**Craigo my eggo:** _ nothing _

**Eye of the tyler:** nothing my ass

**The brian king:** rip brock

**Mom™:** me, on my sick death bed: being attacked and not being defended by my bf

**The brian king:** o sorry

**The brian king:** hey guys!1!! dont say those things!!11!!!

**Sex in the smitty:** o shit guys brian is pretty serious i think we should stop

**Eye of the tyler:** sorry brock and brian, 

**Mom™:** are you going to continue your thought?

**Craigo my eggo:** thot

**Sex in the smitty:** begone THOT

**Sex in the smitty:** but did tyler die or smth

**Eye of the tyler:** i wish

**Marcel transylvania:** saamamamme

**For (c)ryan out loud:** ^^ death, an old but good friend of mine

**Sex in the smitty:** tf ryan its literallu 8 in the morning 

**For (c)ryan out loud:** oh sorry 

**For (c)ryan out loud:** _ clears throat _

**For (c)ryan out loud:** woah guys you shouldnt say that!!

**Sex in the smitty:** there we g0

 

**January 13th 12:18 pm**

 

**LUIgis death stare - Eye of the tyler, Evan deadly sins, Dave me tonight by one D, Johnijuana, Boston tea scotty, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and For (c)ryan out loud**

 

**LUIgis death stare:** im just saying if the person whom i have sex with later in life doesnt wear a darth vader suit during it then i dont think that relationship would work out

**Craigo my eggo:** yeah same

**Bryce cream:** what the fuck

**Sex in the smitty:** bryce?? Innocent?? Less likely than youd think

**Sex in the smitty:** but i agree

**Evan deadly sins:** as a fan of star wars id rather have sex with someone in a boba fett costume

**The brian king:** yeah i agree w boba fett he’s pretty hot

**Craigo my eggo:** what abt his papa jango though

**Evan deadly sins:** what a daddy

**LUIgis death stare:** nah ya;ll its fucking darth vader

**Dave me tonight by one D:** im doing a twitter poll abt this

**Sex in the smitty:** thank u but at the same time die i hate ur username

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^^

**LUIgis death stare:** as ur boyfriend i agree with this statement

**LUIgis death stare:** WAIT BABE CAN I CHANGE YOUR NAME

**Dave me tonight by one D:** fine send me it personally so i can approv eit or not

**LUIgis death stare:** okay ;-)))))

**Sex in the smitty:** DONT FUCKING SEND N00DS FUCKING DISGUSTIN

**Craigo my eggo:** wh a t

**Not LUKE skywalker:** okay um what th e fuck did i come back to

**Sex in the smitty:** theyre speaking code for SENDING NUDES

**Not LUKE skywalker:** um what

**LUIgis death stare:** oh no… u caught us!

 

_ ‘Dave me tonight by one D’ has changed their name to ‘Gay day(v)e’ _

 

**LUIgis death stare:** i love it so much fuck all fo u

**Sex in the smitty:** does lui get turned on by username changes???

**LUIgis death stare:** NO

**Gay day(v)e:** yeah

**LUIgis death stare:** FUCK YOU DAVID

**Gay day(v)e:** luv u luus <3333

**Evan deadly sins:** how the fuck does davids poll have so amyn votes already

**Gay day(v)e:** i have songs online, some which are known so ppl actually follow me?

**LUIgis death stare:** my bf is so talented im so proud

**Mom™:** i wish i had a bofriend :-(

**LUIgis death stare:** WAIT HWAT THE FUCK

**Sex in the smitty:** MOM NO

**Sex in the smitty:** ARE YOUS EIROUS

**Evan deadly sins:** brb gotta die

**The brian king:** hes salty bc the store i went to didnt have the crackers he wanted but i needed to get to him as quickly as possible so i couldnt sotp somehwere else + i gave him a lot of medicine  so hes a bit delusional

**For c(r)yan out loud:** i read thru the chat and almsto had a panic attack

**Bryce cream:** ^^ i was Scared™

**The brian king:** shh dont tell brock but i love him a lot 

**Mom™:** aww bry i luv u ttooooo

**The brian king:** brocky pls go back to slepe 

**The brian king:** brb yall gotta put this boy 2 sleep

**Evan deadly sins:** theyre so cute im crying

 

_ Nightmare jon elm street has changed the group chat name to ‘bricks fan club’ _

 

**The brian king:** aww i love all of you guys 

**Boston tea scotty:** i jsut got here but love u too dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah its been a while! umm hope you enjoy this update! school and life in general have been killing me but o well!!


	25. Chapter 25

**January 15th 6:32 am**

**For (c)ryan out loud - Eye of the tyler, Evan deadly sins, Gay day(v)e, Johnijuana, Boston tea scotty, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and LUIgis death stare**

 

**For (c)ryan out loud:** SHALALALAL YOU GOTTA KISS THE GIRL

**Craigo my eggo:** ryan go the FUCK back to sleep

**For (c)ryan out loud:** fuck u disney is GOOD SHIT

**The brian king:** cant argue there

**Craigo my eggo:** fuck you for having a good point

**Craigo my eggo:** but its too early for disney singing

**For (c)ryan out loud:** _ its never too early for disney singing  _

**The brian king:** are you still listening to kiss the girl ryan

**For (c)ryan out loud:** no, now im on ive got a dream from tangled

**The brian king:** YES BITCH

**Craigo my eggo:** that one is pretty damn good

**Bryce cream:** 1) pls go back to sleep my phone is being SPAMMEd out the wazoo 2) tangled’s soundtrack is A+ overall

**For (c)ryan out loud:** love ya bryce but nah man we gotta discuss disney

**For (c)ryan out loud:** i personally love aladdin’s soundtrack tbh no song there is one that can be skipped

**The brian king:** naah the best soundtrack is hercules especially zero to hero, that shit is good af

**Boston tea scotty:** princess and the frog has got a pretty good soundtrack

**Craigo my eggo:** ummm moana anyone??

**For (c)ryan:** are there any disney movies that dont havve an a+ soundtrack???

**The brian king:** i personally cant do the older disney movie soundtracks, too slow i think for me

**Bryce cream:** i mean i think everyone likes at least one song on each disney soundtrack ?

**Bryce cream:** im going back to bed its the dang weekend and i need sleep rip

**For (c)ryan out loud:** have a good sleep bryce

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^

**Boston tea scotty:** ^^ and personally i dont know the brave soundtrack like i never saw the movie or have listened to it

**The brian king:** same here tbh

**Craigo my eggo:** brave is just kinda forgotten

**Johnijuana:** can you guys shut the fuck up some of us actually want sleep

**Sex in the smitty:** hey john shut the fuck up some of us are trying to sleep

**Johnijuana:** hey lucas shut the fuck up some of us are trying to sleep

**Sex in the smitty:** hey john shut the fuck up some of us are trying to sleep

**Craigo my eggo:** hey both of you shut the fuck up some of us are trying to discuss disney

**Sex in the smitty:** oh shit sorry dude my bad bro 

**Johnijuana:** ^^ sorry buddy 

**The brian king:** i want you both to drop dead

 

**January 15th 10:57 am**

**Johnijuana - Eye of the tyler, Evan deadly sins, Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Boston tea scotty, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and LUIgis death stare**

 

**Johnijuana:** what if everything you said was written in a book but in comic sans font

**Eye of the tyler:** what the fuck john

**Marcel transylvania:** where the fuck did this come from

**Sex in the smitty:** okay but what if everything you thought was in papyrus font

**Evan deadly sins:** im trying to have a good day here

**Boston tea scotty:** what if you two didnt think about this stuff

**LUIgis death stare:** what if when you speak you spoke like your favorite font

**Eye of the tyler:** p l e a es stop

**Gay da(y)ve:** can we kick them out of the cjhat

**Marcel transylvania:** YES

**Johnijuana:** yo taje a twitter poll first to see if you should or shouldnt

**Craigo my eggo:** NO we need immediate action

**Mom™:** as mom of this chat i say we give them another chance

**Mom™:** and no word overrides my word :)

**LUIgis death stare:** fuck you got us there

**Mom™:** god bless being the ultimate of this chat :p

**Evan deadly sins:** luv u mom

**Eye of the tyler:** ^^

**Mom™:** wow i love my friends

**Not LUKE skywalker:** miss me witht hat soft shit

**Nightmare jon elm street:** luke youre a huge softie DONT EVEN

**Not LUKE skywalker:** thx for exposing me yOU ASS

**Marcel transylvania:** is there anyone in this chat who isn’t soft as helllll

**LUIgis death stare:** me?

 

_ Gay da(y)ve has sent a picture >>> _

_ Gay da(y)ve has sent a picture >>> _

_ Marcel transylvania has sent a picture >>> _

 

**LUIgis death stare:** FUCK YOU SNAKES

**Johnijuana:** me you pussies

**Sex in the smitty:** i dont have receipts on him but hes soft in his own way

**Johnijuana:** thx for sucking up but suck my dick instead please

**Sex in the smitty:** ^^example

**Craigo my eggo:** yo john thats pretty gay

**Johnijuana:** i got a big secret dude

**Johnijuana:** i am…..  _ Homosexual _

**LUIgis death stare:** NOT ON MY GOOD CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER YOU ARE

**Eye of the tyler:** fuck you roblox is better

**Boston tea scotty:** nah man movie star planet is better

**The brian king:** fuck yall club penguin is the shit

**Sex in the smitty:** overwatch being the best game of the year?? lol ya thot its actually papa food games

**For (c)ryan out loud:** you know what my favorite game to play is

**Not LUKE skywalker:** what

**For (c)ryan out loud:** you 

**Craigo my eggo:** OH YMGOFUCKING GOD

**Craigo my eggo:** RYUAN OUT OF FUCJIGN ELFT FIELD

**Sex in the smitty:** i cant believe ryan actually madfe me spit for once

**Eye of the tyler:** do you ever hate a chat so much

**Mom™:** how to leave a chat

**Mom™:** oops sorry meant to google that

**Eye of the tyler:** i used to think that i was mean and then brock came along

**Mom™:** shush!!! You know i love you guys

**The brian king:** wow thats pretty rude brock :////

**Nightmare jon elm street:** smh mom

**Evan deadly sins:** should we kick brock for being so rude

**Gay da(y)ve:** yes

**Mom™:** ;-; why are you guys sO MEAN TO ME??? 

**Craigo my eggo:** its bec we love ya brock :p

_ Mom™ has sent a picture >>> _

 

**Marcel transylvania:** IM CRYING BEC BROCK IS CRYING fbewjkfb

**Bryce cream:** ^^ brock ur too good for us 

 

**January 15th 6:39 pm**

**Craigo my eggo - Eye of the tyler, Evan deadly sins, Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Boston tea scotty, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Johnijuana, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and LUIgis death stare**

 

**Craigo my eggo:** guys how much for me to chug salad dressing

**The brian king:** as your best friend how about you dont

**Craigo my eggo:** as your best friend how about i dont listen to you

**Johnijuana:** as some random stranger what if i gave you $5

**Craigo my eggo:** LETS DO IT BOYOS

**The brian king:** CRAIG NO DBWJOBNFD

**Marcel transylvania:** im gonna put in $2 

**Gay da(y)ve:** ^^

**Craigo my eggo:** hell yeah

**Eye of the tyler:** hes actually doing it

**The brian king:** TYLER STOP HIM

**Eye of the tyler:** nah this is his lesson to learn

 

_ Craigo my eggo has sent a video.mov >>> _

**Johnijuana:** HDOIWBF THATS SO DISGUSTING 

**Johnijuana:** I LOVE IT

**Sex in the smitty:** ,,, john is this ur kink

**Johnijuana:** hell yeah it is babe

**Marcel transylvania:** you two are disgusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) uhh are there any more firnedships/little groups yall wanna se e since ive focused on so much w relationships that i forgot some god damn good friendships!!!! so uhh yeah if yall wanna see more w some friendships pls say which ones and ill have little excerpts www them owo  
> 2) im starting the next bryce nd ohm drama on ao3 in this fandom so fuck monorose, hate her <3 (cant wait for u to see this rose)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um so thakn you guys so much for over 1000 kudos wHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WOW OKAY JUST?? THANK YOU SO MUCH I DIDNT EXPECT THIS FIC TO ACTUALLY GET SO MUCH LOVE??? ILL TRY TO UPDATE A LOT MORE SINCE MY SHOW IS OVER AND I HAVE NOTHING ELSE BESIDES LOWKEY CLUBS LEFT SO!! THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN

**January 18th 7:56 pm**

**Eye of the tyler - Johnijuana, Evan deadly sins, Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Boston tea scotty, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and LUIgis death stare**

 

**Eye of the tyler:** craig is so gay lol

**Craigo my eggo:** tyler,,, ur also gay

**Eye of the tyler:** ok but ur prob gay-er

**Sex in the smitty:** oh he def is gay-er for u

**Craigo my eggo:** SHUT THE FUCK UP _LUCAS ILL EXPOSE YOUR ASS_

**Sex in the smitty:** u WOULDNT

**Craigo my eggo:** I WOULD U KNOW I SO WOULD 

**Johnijuana:** pls expose my boyfriend

**Craigo my eggo:** FUCKING GLADLY

 

_ Craigo my eggo sent a picture >>> _

_ Craigo my eggo sent a picture >>> _

_ Craigo my eggo sent a picture >>> _

 

**Johnijuana:** fuck u those are all MEMES I WANTED MY BF EXPOSED

**Craigo my eggo:** srry but im dedicated to lucas :** luv u bby

**Sex in the smitty:** luv u 2 bb :**

**Eye of the tyler:** john are our boyfriendss flirting w each other in front of us

**Johnijuana:** yeah

**Eye of the tyler:** cool

**Johnijuana:** cool

**Eye of the tyler:** cool

**Johnijuana:** cool

**Eye of the tyler:** cool

**Johnijuana:** cool

**Eye of the tyler:** cool

**Craigo my eggo:** cool

**Johnijuana:** cool

**The brian king:** cool

**Evan deadly sins:** cool

**LUIgis death stare:** cool

**Eye of the tyler:** get the fuck outta here boys me nd john are bodning voer being dumedp by our boyfriends

**Johnijuana:** you tell em babe

**Sex in the smitty:** john u slut

**Johnijuana:** what can i say

**Johnijuana:** i love dick

**Marcel transylvania:** wow what a mood?

**The brian king:** im honestly cool w either 

**Sex in the smitty:** rt my dude

**Nightmare jon elm street:** some people are just,,, so pretty,,

**Evan deadly sins:** tbh i can appreciate girls’ prettiness a nd like, wow makeup how the heck, but im allf or dick

**Craigo my eggo:** okay props to ppl who put so much effort into makeup honestly i wish i had that dedication

**Johnijuana:** the closest i get to that is painting my nails

**Sex in the smitty:** i love ur painted nails holy fuck

**For c(r)yan out loud:** ^^ yes i fully support u painting your nails

**Evan deadly sins:** pls send these i havent seen your nails omg

 

_ Johnijuana has sent a picture >>> _

_ Johnijuana has sent a picture >>> _

 

**Johnijuana:** the first pic are my current nails and the second was the last time i did them!

**Gay da(y)ve:** holy fock 

**Nightmare jon elm street:** other jo(h)n, i love anf support your nails constantly 24/7 i love them

**Not LUKE skywalker:** holy shit u rock it 

**Boston tea scotty:** john?? Amazing at nails?? More likely than youd think

**Johnijuana:** wow i love my fans

**Sex in the smitty:** babe ur nails look terrible 

**Johnijuana:** :(

**Sex in the smitty:** YOU KNOW IM KDDIDING I LITERALLY CRY EVERY TIME I SEE YOUR NAILS SINCE THEYRE SO FUCKING AMAZING I CANT BELIEGE MY BOYFRIEND IS SO TALRNTED I LVOE HIM BRESKING SOCIAL NORMS AND I CNAT BELIEVE I JSUT HAVE SUCH A GREAT BOYFRINDD

**Mom™:** 1) i fully support your nails john holy moly 

**Mom™:** 2) wow i love one (1) couple

**Craigo my eggo:** i would say im offended but yeah lucas and john are pretty fucking cute

**Craigo my eggo:** except when you play video games w them and they literllyl turn into the worst people alive

**Eye of the tyler:** the worst is when the tiniest thing happens and john starts moaning

**Gay da(y)ve:** THAT MAKES ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE

**For (c)ryan out loud:** I HATE THAT SHIT 

**For (c)ryan out loud:** he should only moan for lucas and no one else

**Sex in the smitty:** oh hes moaned enough for me

**Johnijuana:** i just sput out my fucking mosnsyter yOUF UCK

**Johnijuana:** lucas is so smooth im fucking ANGRY I CANT EVEN SAY SOMETHING GOOD BACK

**The brian king:** is anyone in this chat even pure anymore

**Eye of the tyler:** i think we’ve all been tainted even ur boyfriend

**The brian king:** ohmyiongo SUHT UP TYLER YOU FUCK

**Mom™:** i mean hes not wrong

**Bryce cream:** smh brock 

**Mom™:** youre not one to speak bryce :////

**Bryce cream:** gasp,, RUDE

**Not LUKE skywalker:** i love the exposing today in this chat

**Sex in the smitty:** i wish i had smth to expose you on now

**Not LUKE skywalker:** now,, i would say heres something but theres nothing you can expose me about that i havent already exposed mysekf for

**Nightmare jon elm street:** _ fuck _

 

**January 18th 11:27 pm**

**Boston tea scotty  - Johnijuana, Evan deadly sins, Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Eye of the tyler, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and LUIgis death stare**

 

**Boston tea scotty:** YOUVE GOT SOEMTIHG  I NEEEED!1!!!11111121

**Boston tea scotty:** INNNN TWISH WoRLD OF POEOEPL 

**Boston tea scotty:** EHERTES NOE LOVING MEEEEEEEE

**Marcel transylvania:** babe what are you doing

**Craigo my eggo:** this feels like it should be a promposal

**Evan deadly sins:** except hes drunk

**Boston tea scotty:** YOOVUE GTO SMEOHTUNBG I ENED

**LUIgis death stare:** he missed an entire line i think

**Mom™:** he did

**Marcel transylvania:** babe if u wanna say that you love me dm om=g

**Boston tea scotty:** NOOOO ::( i wananaa annunce 2to evvrvryoene that i lvue youy!!

**Marcel transylvania:** im coming over now, you need sleep oml

**Boston tea scotty:** yOURER NTO MY MOON

**Boston tea scotty:** MMO

**Boston tea scotty:** OM

**Boston tea scotty:** M

**Boston tea scotty:** MOM   
**Mom™:** but i am and i say go to bed scotty and marcel will be over there to cuddle soon

**Boston tea scotty:** marcel <<<##333<##333

**Johnijuana:** ha gay

**Boston tea scotty:** yreou gay tooo :((

**Johnijuana:** no im not scotty, you must be going insane

**Boston tea scotty:** WAHT ABOGT LUCAS>>>>>>//..?

**Sex in the smitty:** yeah we were never dating :// idk what youre talking abt scotty

**Johnijuana:** hes just my best friend

**Boston tea scotty:** NONNNOO !!!! YROEU MYHY FAVRPITE COUPLEP 

**Nightmare jon elm street:** ouch

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^

**Mom™:** 1) ^^

**Mom™:** 2) guys stop messing w his poor drunk self

**Boston tea scotty:** WIATR RHYRE MESSING WTHI EM??

**Johnijuana:** love you bud!

**Sex in the smitty:** gtg to bed! See ya!

**Boston tea scotty:** YUO FUCKEKRS 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter w randomness and drunkenness woohoo! thanks for reading and pls message me on tumblr @ softsnuckel !


	27. Chapter 27

**January 20th 11:34 am**

**Boston tea scotty  - Johnijuana, Evan deadly sins, Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Eye of the tyler, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, and LUIgis death stare**

 

_ Boston tea scotty sent a picture >>> _

 

**Johnijuana:** pls let that be your penis

**Eye of the tyler:** ive seen it before, its not that impressive

**Marcel transylvania:** WAIT WHAT

**Johnijuana:** Bitch i dont care whether its impressive or not

**The brian king:** what the fuck

**Johnijuana:** i just wanna see his penis

**Sex in the smitty:** pls tell us this story

**Eye of the tyler:** okay i will but we need the other person who was there here too

 

_ Eye of the tyler has added important(hony) to ‘bricks fan club’ _

 

**Sex in the smitty:** ANTHONY MY BOY

**Sex in the smitty:** also

 

_ Sex in the smitty has changed the group chat name to ‘can i please get a beesechurger’ _

**important(hony):** IJDWFNEO 

**important(hony):** also why the FUCK was i added 

**Eye of the tyler:** bc you need to be here to tell the story of when we saw scotty’s dick

**important(hony):** what a time oh my god

**important(hony):** why do you guys even want to see/hear about his dick its not impressove

**Johnijuana:** i dont care if its not impressive or if it is I JSUT WANT TO SEE HIS COCCK

**Evan deadly sins:** calm down there john

**Johnijuana:** ok

**Not LUKE skywalker:** can yall please just tell this story 

**important(hony):** yes of course

**Boston tea scotty:** can we not do this please ohmyogd

**Eye of the tyler:** okay SO anthony nd i were going out to hang out w scotty

**Eye of the tyler:** and scotty, being the fuck he is, was running behind

**important(hony):** i love this story

**Eye of the tyler:** and so anthony and i decided that oh hey, lets just go to his dorm and get him

**Eye of the tyler:** we see his dormmate, ask where he is, says hes still in his room

**Eye of the tyler:** ill let anthony continue since he took lead

**important(hony):** this day forever haunts me

**important(hony):** _ SO  _ we go up to his floor and yknow, we’re good friends, why knock right hahhaha

**important(hony):** always knock

**important(hony):** we barge the door open SINCE IT WAS UNLCOKED YOU FUCK

**important(hony):** and he WSNT AHYWHERE nd we noticed that his blanket had a lump (we’d been over b4 so we knew which ebd was his)

**important(hony):** i tip toed ever, yknow surprise his ass and instead he surprised my ass

**important(hony):** aka i ripped off his blanket AND THERE HE WAS FUCKING NUDE 

**important(hony):** i screamed, tyler ran over and he screaemd

**Boston tea scotty:** i began to scream too, we all screamed

**Nightmare jon elm street:** thats terrifying

**Johnijuana:** on a scale of 1-10 what was his dick like

**The brian king:** john are you gay or something

**Johnijuana:** nah man, im just looking out for my bros yknow?

**Johnijuana:** gotta make sure their dicks are all good 

**Sex in the smitty:** john: the best bro out there

**Craigo my eggo:** ^^

**Gay da(y)ve:** ^^

**Evan deadly sins:** ^^ id trust him with my dick

**important(hony):** wouldnt,,, we all

 

**January 20th 3:45 pm**

**Evan deadly sins  - Johnijuana, important(hony), Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Eye of the tyler, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, LUIgis death stare, and Boston tea scotty**

 

**Evan deadly sins:** i mean id eat a dog if i had to

**Bryce cream:** what the fuck

**Evan deadly sins:** FUCK WAIT WRONG CHAT FKJWFBK

**Evan deadly sins:** I GENUIENYL THOGUHT THIS WSS ANOTHER CHAT HOMYOGD

**Nightmare jon elm street:** poor baby :(

**For (c)ryan out loud:** what fucking chat are you in and can i get in on this chat

**Evan deadly sins:** its a chat w some music friends and no fljebf

**Nightmare jon elm street:** ia lways forget how talented u r and when i do my heart is GONE 

**Craigo my eggo:** things i didnt know i needed in my life until now: a david and evan collab

**Gay da(y)ve:** id be up for it 

**Evan deadly sins:** ^^ youre so talented dude id love to collab with you

**Johnijuana:** sing about how gay you are

**Sex in the smitty:** john, sweetie, no

**Boston tea scotty:** i cant wait for this collab wow

**Eye of the tyler:** i support (2) talented boys

**For (c)ryan out loud:** the only time tyler is semi nice to david tbh

**Eye of the tyler:** its mainly bc evan is involved 

**Evan deadly sins:** wow i love my best friend <33

**Eye of the tyler:** ew

**Craigo my eggo:** tyler is so intimidating and thats highkey HOT but i also love when he gets soft

**The brian king:** soft tyler >>>

**Eye of the tyler:** i despise all of you

**Mom™:** no u dont!!!

**Marcel transylvania:** MOM

**LUIgis death stare:** BROCK YOURE ALIVE

**Mom™:** hi children!! sorry for being dead i hate being sick

**Boston tea scotty:** u have a new child by the way

**Mom™:** ooo who??

**Boston tea scotty:** anthony

**important(hony):** hola

**Mom™:** hey

**Bryce cream:** wow,, you’re so enthusiastic

 

_ [private conversation between Mom™ and important(hony)] _

**3:59 pm**

**Mom™:** i think we should talk

**important(hony):** we broke up, what else is there to talk about?

**Mom™:** because we broke up in a bad way AND we havent talked since, i want us to be friends

**important(hony):** and you broke my heart, im sorry that its pretty hard to recover over someone loving you a lot 

**important(hony):** im up for talking but i want the real reason we broke up, i want to know a lot more and i want some fucking closure

**Mom™:** and ill give you that, and i need you to know that i dont feel the same way anymore

**important(hony):** tell me everything, and i dont either

**Mom™:** i know i told you that we broke up because of differences and i agree, that is some of it but at the same time, it was also a lot of the fact that i didnt feel anything, and its nothing bad against you, i just fell out i guess?

**important(hony):** you realize i wouldnt have disliked you if you just told me that instead of “differences”

**Mom™:** i hate that you could see right through that lie haha

**important(hony):** what can i say? i know you pretty well

**important(hony):** well, knew i guess

**Mom™:** do you have anymore questions?

**important(hony):** yeah, i do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and ze plot thickens™ jk um basically brock and anthony had a thing in the past (which we'll find out more abt later dw) anyways thank you for reading this chapter and im super stressed so yeet! summer is close though so thank the lord <3, again thank you for reading and hope to see you in the next chapter!


	28. Chapter 28

**January 22nd 4:35 am**

**Johnijuana  - Evan deadly sins, important(hony), Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Eye of the tyler, Not LUKE skywalker, Sex in the smitty, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Marcel transylvania, Nightmare jon elm street, LUIgis death stare, and Boston tea scotty**

 

**Johnijuana:** whyy am i awakeeee

**Marcel transylvania:** mood

**important(hony):** its sad hrs my guys

**Johnijuana:** tru

**Johnijuana:** tbh i did actually cry earlier

**important(hony):** by WHO

**Marcel transylvania:** WHO DO WE HVAE TO FIGHT

**important(hony):** NO ONE HURTS MY PRECIOUS SON 

**Johnijuana:** oml you sound like brock anthony

**important(hony):** rip

**Marcel transylvania:** ey its not bad to be like brock

**Johnijuana:** but its bc im stressed and overwhelmed yknow plus i dont have juice for my vape so Depression

**Johnijuana:** hes an angel tbh 

**important(hony):** dont doubt that for a moment lol

**Marcel transylvania:** also @ john im sorry bud that sucks so much :((

**Johnijuana:** thank u <3

**important(hony):** *holds up phone* ur doing amazing sweetie

**Johnijuana:** i love my dads wow

**Johnijuana:** also why arent yall asleep?

**important(hony):** i just cant fall asleep

**Marcel transylvania:** i accidentally fucked up my sleep schedule bc of a party friday so :/

**important(hony):** pretend like i had a cool reason like that ^

**Johnijuana:** rip you guys 

**Johnijuana:** i just started crying again 

**Johnijuana:** i love lucas SO MUHC

**Marcel transylvania:** CUTIES 

**important(hony):** please talk about him omg i dont know anything about yall

**Johnijuana:** lucas has been my BRO SINCE LIKE??? FOREVER??? IM IN LOVE WITH HIM???

**Johnijuana:** tbh sometime near whenn i first started liking him i thought he liked another one of our friends (Diff group) and i CRIED SO AHRD bc i felt so weak in comparison i jsut wanted him to like me

**Johnijuana:** i mean why do you think im so openly gay now

**Marcel transylvania:** improvise adapt overcome

**important(hony):** improvise adapt overcome

**Johnijuana:** OH Y GOD

**important(hony):** amazing

**Marcel transylvania:** i lvoe us but john continue

**Johnijuana:** fbvbejkkje

**Johnijuana:** okay so like him and i COMPLETELY understand each other like how have i survived without his cute ass?? We literally met bc of a game of csgo years ago and ever since then hes been my best friend and im fucking IN LVOE WITH HIM

**important(hony):** holy fuck im crying

**Marcel transylvania:** u two are adorable this is so unfair

**Johnijuana:** hes gonna hit me when he wakes up for being so feiufbejf

**important(hony):** then what ;)

**Marcel transylvania:** then what ;))

**Johnijuana:** OH MY GODDDD

**Marcel transylvania:** WE’RE ON FUCKING FIRE ONFIOBE

**Johnijuana:** im crying i Love THIS content

**Eye of the tyler:** oh my god can you guys shut the fuck up MOST OF US WANT TO SLEEP

**Johnijuana:** sorry tyler :* ill send u dick pics to make up for it later

**important(hony):** thats pretty gay :/

**Johnijuana:** its okay i have socks on

**Marcel transylvania:** how does that make it less gay

 

_ Johnijuana has kicked Marcel transylvania out of ‘can i please get a beesechurger’ _

 

**Johnijuana:** wrong, fucking question BITCH

 

**January 22nd 10:41 am**

**Sex in the smitty  - Evan deadly sins, important(hony), Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Eye of the tyler, Not LUKE skywalker, Johnijuana, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, The brian king, Nightmare jon elm street, LUIgis death stare, and Boston tea scotty**

**Sex in the smitty:** oh my god i hate my boyfriend but i also love him so much im fighting him later yall

**Not LUKE sykwalker:** record it pls

**LUIgis death stare:** can we have a bet board

 

_ Bryce cream has added Marcel transylvania into ‘can i please get a beesechurger’ _

 

**Sex in the smitty:** traitor

**Craigo my eggo:** not to get rlly gay but like, chris hemsworth? Thoughts?

**Sex in the smitty:** honey dont get me started

**Not LUKE skywalker:** if chris hemsworth asked me if he could practice punching me for something id gladly accept befoe he could even finish

**LUIgis death stare:** i want him to raw me

**Craigo my eggo:** SEE BRIAN CHRIS HEMSWORTH IS FUCKING HOT

**The brian king:** HES NOT THAT HOT

**Not LUKE skywalker:** lucas where is ur boyfriend

**Sex in the smitty:** one sec

 

_ Johnijuana has kicked The brian king out of ‘can i please get a beesechurger’ _

 

**Johnijuana:** goodnight

**Sex in the smitty:** god i love you

**Craigo my eggo:** THATS LIKE THE ONE SCENE FROM APRKS AND REC DWBFOWB

**Gay da(y)ve:** chris pratt is also really hot

**Craigo my eggo:** oka y yes

**Sex in the smitty:** id be dtf chris pratt

**Nightmare jon elm street:** same, he seems so fun 

**Bryce cream:** what abt chris evans though

**LUIgis death stare:** can all three evans raw me please i would get a vagina so i have THREE holes for them

**Not LUKE skywalker:** i wish i was blind so i never had to read that

**Sex in the smitty:** be thankful john isnt awake 

**Craigo my eggo:** ive neevr read something so cursed i think this is the end of the line for me?

**Mom™:** rip 

**Gay da(y)ve:** hey brock

**LUIgis death stare:** i dont regret anything that i have said i love the marvel men 

**LUIgis death stare:** i like my men how i like my pools

**Sex in the smitty:** im scared

**Craigo my eggo:** why

**LUIgis death stare:** making me wet

 

_ Sex in the smitty has changed their name to send lui help _

 

**send lui help:** i think my name says enough now

**Gay da(y)ve:** lui babe please stop talking

**Craigo my eggo:** wow david,,, youre doing SO MUCH

**Gay da(y)ve:** shush i am BUSY with something

**send lui help:** with what?

**Gay da(y)ve:** ur mom

**send lui help:** NO U

**Gay da(y)ve:** fuck

 

_ [private conversation between Mom _ ™ _ and Eye of the tyler] _

**11:02 am**

**Mom™:** no i havent told him or anyone

**Eye of the tyler:** i love u but get ur shit together

**Mom™:** i cant exactly tell him that oh hey, an ex of mine is in our chat and not expect him to be angry w me

**Eye of the tyler:** i get it, but the more you keep it closed off, the more bad its going to look

**Mom™:** hhhh why did i have to be cursed with this

**Eye of the tyler:** it isnt that bad, im here to support you in case of anything

**Mom™:** its jsut? Im nervous? Its obvious anthony is uncomfrotable w me in the chat and like, we talked abt it yesterday but im still close to crying bc im so stressed fboebf

**Eye of the tyler:** im sorry brock, id be there for you if i could but class is happening and im dying

**Mom™:** its okay tyler, this is good for me, i just need to get it out i guess?

**Eye of the tyler:** do you want to practice how youre going to bring it up?

**Mom™:** i was just thinking of pming him and asking him if i can talk

**Mom™:** which hed say yeah, is everything okay? And id start off by sayingb “so, as you know ive had relationships before but i need to bring up a certain one” or something?

**Eye of the tyler:** has he ever asked abt your rpevious relationships?

**Mom™:** yeah and ive told him abt them, not too in depth since i get nervous talking about that stuff

**Eye of the tyler:** have you told him names before?

**Mom™:** no, hes never asked for them and im the same w him and his ex’s though he’ll winllingly say their names

**Eye of the tyler:** well im here for you if you need anything <3

**Mom™:** i want to just log off for the rest of the day

**Mom™:** no the rest of thr week

**Eye of the tyler:** brock you cant run from this you need to tell him in case anything happens buebf

**Eye of the tyler:** wait is that the reason youre telling him?

**Mom™:** yeah, like, id feel bad if i never told him abt anthony and if he became friends w anthony and neevr found that out itd be weird? 

**Eye of the tyler:** did you ask anthony abt telling him?

**Mom™:** yeah yesterday when we were dicussing everything i asked if its okay if i told brian abt us and he said of course, its not that important and i will admit it kinda hurt?

**Mom™:** like did he think of us as nothing?

**Mom™:** then again i wasnt much better ha

**Eye of the tyler:** wanna talk abt it?

**Mom™:** sure

**Mom™:** basically rmemeber the party u forced me to senior year of high school and we met scotty and anthony?

**Mom™:** anthony and i kept talkng after that and turns ut we were going to the same college as u know

**Mom™:** so it was freshman eyar and anthony and i were clsoe (i remember the late night skype calls w you and scotty my gosh)

**Mom™:** and i rememebr meeting brian sometime in the middle of the eyar and when i realized that i wasnt good enough for brian, i kidna started hooking up w anthony as you know

**Mom™:** and i feel abd bc i used anthony? He was a relief for me in a way, a back up of sorts? Like i did like him for a bit sophomore year but brians always had my heart? 

**Mom™:** i wouldnt blame either of them fi they both left my lvies after this im a bad person

**Eye of the tyler:** no youre not

**Eye of the tyler:** youre trying to make amends and you realized that what you did was fucked, whihc i agree that is fucked up, but youve matured and now you realize what was wrong with it, so message brian with confidence whe you can and ill be online for you for support

**Mom™:** what if he breaks up with me?

**Eye of the tyler:** you can stay with me for a while then, craig will stop by to see you too prob and maybe i could get a few others

**Mom™:** okay, thanks tyler <3

**Eye of the tyler:** no problem brock, youre one of my best friends, how could i deny helping you out?

**Mom™:** do you feel partially at blame?

**Eye of the tyler:** honestly, yeah

**Mom™:** please dont be, it was my fault for getting so involved w him

**Eye of the tyler:** that wont help but ill rpetend like it did

 

**January 22nd 2:34 pm**

**send lui help  - Evan deadly sins, important(hony), Gay day(v)e, For (c)ryan out loud, Eye of the tyler, Not LUKE skywalker, Johnijuana, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, Nightmare jon elm street, LUIgis death stare, and Boston tea scotty**

**send lui help:** why has it been so quiet

**Boston tea scotty:** shut the fuck up

**send lui help:** suck m y actual fucking duck

**Boston tea scotty:** duck?

**send lui help:** yeah duck, fucking fool

**Boston tea scotty:** im more offended at the fool part

**send lui help:** good

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk why i vent into writing so much it is so abd fbjewbf anyways WOW shits gonna happen and if u can guess what happens then um have fun crying buds (im kidding please dont cry) anyways wanywas ANYWASY yes i actually updated!! im exhausted since i wrote this in under an hour and im just super stressed yeehaw i hate life anyways i love all of u thank u so much for the support it means so fucking much to me!!!!!!!!!! <3


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops?

**January 24th 12:34 pm**

**For (c)ryan out loud  - Evan deadly sins, important(hony), Gay day(v)e, send lui help, Eye of the tyler, The brian king, Not LUKE skywalker, Johnijuana, Bryce cream, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, Nightmare jon elm street, LUIgis death stare, and Boston tea scotty**

 

**For (c)ryan out loud:** 1234 

**Craigo my eggo:** fuck

**Not LUKE skywalker:** got em 

**send lui help:** i refuse to be gotten

**important(hony):** well you just got fucking gotten

**send lui help:** fuck you i havent been fucking got fucking gotten

**Mom™:** okay no we are not bringing this back it is TOO EARLY

**send lui help:** we love over used memes

**important(hony):** youre no fun brock :(

**Mom™:** fnekjfe its not that im trying not to get spammed while working on an essay you idiots

**LUIgis death stare:** mom we love you

**Mom™:** love you too 

**LUIgis death stare:** OH RIGHT

**LUIgis death stare:** GUYS GUYS MY HAIR IS LONG ENEOUGH TO BE PUT IN A MAN BUN!!!!!

**Gay da(y)ve:** it looks really good

**LUIgis death stare:** can i send a pic

**send lui help:** oh my god of course

**Eye of the tyler:** im here for this

 

_ LUIgis death stare has sent a photo >>> _

 

**Evan deadly sins:** IM ALIVE OH Y GOD

**send lui help:** hoyl fuck i am HERE for this

**For (c)ryan out loud:** i literally just stopped texting luke for this lui you look so good

**Gay da(y)ve:** im crying i love my boyfriend and how good he looks

**Johnijuana:** lui grow your hair out long enough so i can braid it one day

**LUIgis death stare:** oh my go d yes

**Evan deadly sins:** im here for this 

**Nightmare jon elm street:** i love all of this thank you

**LUIgis death stare:** no problem babe

**Nightmare jon elm street:** <3 im sending u kisses

 

_ send lui help has changed their name to me and my broken heart _

 

**Johnijuana:** UR SO EXTRA OH MY GOD

**Craigo my eggo:** john what the fuck did you do

**me and my broken heart:** he ate my fucking TACOS

**Johnijuana:** i literally suck your dick i deserve tacos

**me and my broken heart:** I SUCK YOUR DICK BITCH YOU DONT DESERVE ANY FUCKING TACOS UM

**me and my broken heart:** DID YOU PAY FOR THOSE TACOS BITCH? NO? DONT EAT THEM

**Johnijuana:** do you want me to regurgitate them like a momma bird

**Nightmare jon elm street:** thats brocks job

**For (c)ryan out loud:** smh stop stealing brocks job

**me and my broken heart:** NO BUY ME NEW TACOS 

**Nightmare jon elm street:** OH Y GOD RYUAN F

**Johnijuana:** will you come out with me at least :((

**Craigo my eggo:** can tyler and i join you guys

**For (c)ryan out loud:** LOOK AT US FUCKING GO

**me and my broken heart:** i havent even said yes 

**Johnijuana:** but you will bc you love me <3

**me and my broken heart:** yeah i do :/

**Craigo my eggo:** we’ll be at ur apartment in 15 dont be fucking please

**Johnijuana:** dw it takes us 10 

**For (c)ryan out loud:** i hate you 

**Johnijuana:** dont lie ryan u wanna HIT this

**LUIgis death stare:** in which way?

**Johnijuana:** you guess big boy ;))

**LUIgis death stare:** ew suck lucas’ did

**LUIgis death stare:** dikc*

**LUIgis death stare:** di k*

**Luigis death stare:** DIKC*

**LUIgis death stare:** DICK* 

**LUIgis death stare:** OH MY GOD FIUCKNG FINALLY

**LUIgis death stare:** im going to end myself

**Bryce cream:** have fun we wont miss you <3

**Boston tea scotty:** I JSUT GAGGED ON MY FUCKING COOKIE OHYMGDNK

**me and my broken heart:** OH MY god bryce

**me and my broken heart:** i tjhink we need send lui help again

**Bryce cream:** im kidding lui we love you

**Eye of the tyler:** i think bryce actually mrudered him w that

**Bryce cream:** oops?

**Eye of the tyler:** i dont want to make bryce angry now

**me and my broken heart:** hey bryce

**me and my broken heart:** tyler thinks ur a dumbass

**Eye of the tyler:** right as you sent that something from the floor below me crashed oh my god

**Bryce cream:** be prepared :)

 

**January 24th 6:47 pm**

**Bryce cream  - Evan deadly sins, important(hony), Gay day(v)e, me and my broken heart, Eye of the tyler, Not LUKE skywalker, Johnijuana, The brian king, For (c)ryan out loud, Craigo my eggo, Mom™, Nightmare jon elm street, LUIgis death stare, and Boston tea scotty**

 

**Bryce cream:** gasolina? the most underrated? 

**For (c)ryan out loud:** DAME MAS GASOLINA

**LUIgis death stare:** gasolina is so fucking good ill fight any hoe who disagrees

**Craigo my eggo:** despacito

**LUIgis death stare:** ge thtat TRASH outta here 

**Boston tea scotty:** the message or the person

**LUIgis death stare:** both

**Boston tea scotty:** _ nice _

**Johnijuana:** god i love mash ups

**Evan deadly sins:** bet on it is the best

**me and my broken heart:** bet

**me and my broken heart:** GUYS CAN WE BE HMS CHARACTERS

**Nightmare jon elm street:** i dont think there are enough

**important(hony):** how about backyardigans

**LUIgis death stare:** why backyardigans???

**important(hony):** why not?

**Mom™:** How about disney in general?? 

**important(hony):** but it should be from one single series

**Mom™:** but i dont think a series you guys are thinking of has enough characters

**important(hony):** there’s definitely one

**Mom™:** good luck finding it

**important(hony):** you know, you dont have to participate in this if you dont want to

**Mom™:** id love to participate but im trying to be more general for you guys

**important(hony):** mmhm

**Craigo my eggo:** SPONGEBOB

**LUIgis death stare:** yeah thats good!!

**me and my broken heart:** fuck u guys john and i will be hms characters

**me and my broken heart:** right babe

**Johnijuana:** can we be chad and ryan

**me and my broken heart:** god that song is so gay

 

_ [private conversation between Mom _ ™ _ and The brian king] _

**7:38pm**

**The brian king:** i just saw ur messages in the chat, what’s up??

**The brian king:** i hope you and anthony are getting along better now..

**Mom™:** brian, i should tell you about something

**Mom™:** i knew anthony way before this chat because him and i dated

**Mom™:** we were interested in each other then i met you and

**Mom™:** i did some regretful things since i felt like i could never have you

**The brian king:** why the fuck didnt you tell me before

**Mom™:** you never asked and i wouldnt bring it up out of nowhere

**The brian king:** but you couldve mentioned it when he first joined the chat

**Mom™:** yes, because saying “oh by the way brian, my ex boyfriend who i broke up with because he could never be you has just joined the chat dont be too rude!”

**Mom™:** i know you wouldve had a bias against him

**The brian king:** i wouldve but i at least couldve acted appropriate with him instead of making snappy comments

**Mom™:** why are you so angry at this?

**The brian king:** because you lied brock

**Mom™:** I didnt

**The brian king:** yes you did, you couldve told me so many times about this ex, about anthony, about you even had a slight re,ationship

**The brian king:** who else knows about you two??

**Mom™:** tyler and scotty, and they promised to never bring it up

**The brian king:** wow even fucking better

**Mom™:** those are anthony’s two best friends and one of mine what the hell do you want me to do?

**The brian king:** tell me these things

**The brian king:** night brock

**Mom™:** brian dont do this

 

_ [private conversation between Mom _ ™ _ and The brian king] _

**10:23pm**

**Mom™:** i hope you took care of yourself tonight, goodnight, i love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats the chapter for yall! i hope i explained decently as to why anthony was never brought up b4! anyways, i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and uhh yeah! thanks for reading and supporting this fanfic even though its ridiculous <3!


End file.
